Emotional Ties that Bind

 

Being human in a virtual world.  Funny how our emotions play such a big part.  I remember joining and thinking, Eh its just a game, But it is as much of a game as you allow your self to emotionally open up to the people you choose to surround yourself with.  My first partner, I was 100 percent emotionally invested in. at the time, I guess I needed to put as much into my virtual world, since I had nothing else to involve myself.  Then it occurred to me, This kinda hurts,  It was not appealing after, I wanted to crawl into a Real life hole somewhere after it had ended, Like a real break up, I went through the stages, The sadness the depression, the regrets, the weight loss and I was the one who stepped away, For good reasons on both our parts.  It was the best option for that time. 

Time went on, I decided to become a cold  Unfeeling bitch.  It was easier that investing in someone, that I did not know, someone I could not see nor feel.  It was hard.  Ok, Seb, You get 15 more Minutes of fame here.   In walked Seb,  He was what I would call a Fantastic reason to hide, But even more of a reason to open up.  He  made me break out of my shell, at least for a while.  It was very short lived due to his love for well, So many other people.  To share the love Is one thing, To bull shit your way through it, Entirely another.  I am guessing when you always know what to say, and when to say it, is a gift of sorts.  For him it was more like the Lock that sealed my emotional lockbox.  It was his alt trying to pick me up that kinda screwed him,  If your going to try to pick me up on another avatar.. Umm Don’t be you, Be someone one else Okay……

Your real life does not have to be empty to need something, Maybe you have it, but want more, granted that may be greed, But sometimes emotionally you are never satisfied.  So I have deemed Secondlife my emotionally driven obsession to be happy.  I have no partner, No people writing sweet stuff in their profile.  I am alone and completely fine with that.  Do I have Options, Gawd yes, but most don’t take the time to get to know me.  They disappear into a list of online people that are looking for people to fill their clubs and Sex Feigns.   You kinda put yourself there yourself.   I will talk to anyone, Hence I have usually 80 people easy online at all times, and I may talk to 10 of you.  Why? because those 10 have made me feel comfortable, Welcome and happy to share. 

Getting attached in secondlife to friends, lovers or whatever you would like to call them is impossible.  I have been a cold hard bitch for well over a year now.  Thank you Seb.  I still give a shit about a lot of people on my friends list,  and some not on my friends list, But that is a whole other blog.   As much as I want to say I am not tied to anyone I cannot,  It is Impossible.  Some people I can close my eyes and still see as I drift off to sleep.  others I can taste and feel in my dreams.   It is impossible to separate some things, the only thing you can count on is your ties that bind you to a virtual world of strangers that have allowed you to see a part of their soul, given you a part of their heart, and made you feel like you somehow belonged.