Casualties of Life

 

We all have a catastrophe  of sorts, For some it is the Inevitable Bad hair bad, Others waking up WAY after the alarm, and others,  Well Everyday just making it work.

We all have our demons, it is how we handle our selves in the moment that count.  Standing in line you are running late for work and the 3 people in front of you are the enemy in line… Right?  Gah I HATE that,  But I also know No ones life revolves around me ether.  Except for my sons, Or is that the other way around?  Anyway,  you getting up late may be a small piece crap compared to the lady 2 people ahead of you counting her change to get gas because her mom is in the hospital, Or the guy right in front of you who has been out of work for a year and praying he makes it to the interview of a minimums wage job on time.  As you toss your money at the attendant, who has 3 kids, used to be a white collar worker but choose to work at minimum wage than let his family suffer, You are your own enemy.   Pushing open the door you pass a girl, who is obviously having a good hair day,  To bad you did not realize she is heading to a funeral for her best friend, who committed suicide over a failed marriage and to trump that, she was pregnant also.  Yes, you are your own black cloud. 

Shoving the pump into your tank,  Your foot tapping, a older man passes you, smiles and continues to walk, you manage a half ass smile watching the gallons fill the tank slowly,  Why is he so happy?  He is in his own way celebrating his anniversary, with his wife today where she is, the cemetery. 

We really should all have tag Lines

“Lost My Mom today”

“Just had my heart broke by someone whom I trusted”

“Lost my dog”

“Struggling to support my family/children”

“Just needs someone to listen”

“Could really Use a Hug”

“Wishes I could tell someone how I really Feel”

“Believes in angels but is missing mine”

Why are we so Engulfed in our own bullshit and are completely unaware there is a world of people out there that need even just a small moment, a smile, just help.

I remember being at a gas station, a woman was getting gas a few years back,  She was upset, I am not sure why, I have no clue really.  I had never seen her, Nor have I since, But the moment I passed by her, handed her a Gas station rose and a snicker bar the look on her face was Priceless.  Thinking about it now makes me smile, because I know that One small gesture meant the world to her.  Ok she was heaving as she pumped her gas it was apparent, But a lot of us don’t show what we are Really feeling, we harbor and hide it, I know most men will do hand stands before showing any emotion, especially if it cues in the word Weak…

Next time you get up, your late, Tank is on E and your just having a “Bad” day, STOP.. Look in the mirror for 30 Seconds and tell your self how lucky you are to have a reason to be up at that Hour, that you have a car to drive to work, and the fact that your life in comparison even on a curve is not that hella Bad.

True Love

 

In the darkness of the night is when those with heavy hearts, with regrets with a lost passion find the moments unbearable.  We lay listless,and with to many thoughts in our head, as if there is a hamster on speed running and running over and over again but getting nowhere.  We pick moments apart, wonder why, where it could have changed and how it can be fixed.  But sometimes it is not that it is broken, it is just that we are hurt.  Time is both a blessing and a curse at this moment, For time rushes for no one, but in time our thoughts will dwindle to concentrate on other things. 

Once in a while a glimmer of hope may happen, but not always does it pay off, Sometimes it becomes the old standby of 2 steps forward, 3 steps back.  We must accept defeat at some point, but only  after we have done every thing in our power to rectify the situation within our grasp.  On the other hand, you cannot force another to do the same. 

While truly loving someone enough to let go, One must also accept that when you do care about someone, it is Not the reciprocal that matters, It is in the others happiness that matters.  In that is where the demons of the night sneak in, because at this time is when your alone, and even if it is a warm summers night, Our heart feels cold and empty at times.  We must let our delusion of Grandeur go, Our hopes for future smiles,  our thoughts of one more hug, Kiss or chance. 

It is not always easy but it is the right choice, and let their happiness continue on, with or without you.  It seems bleak, yes, But once again, as much as those hours seem to go slowly in the night, It is in time that we will see a difference, and rejoice in their smiles, even if from afar.  It is smiling at their successes,  Believing in them, even when they do not believe in themselves, It is keeping them in your heart, even if you are not in theirs.

True love is not always a love story or a romance novel, it is sometimes more like a comic book or a old war movie.  There is No rights or wrongs in love, for love overcomes all, even in the moments where you are sure there is no hope, your heart will carry out your wishes, your hopes and dreams for them. 

In my small years of living, there is one thing I am sure of, it is that when those moments of sleeplessness hit, When I am playing it out in my mind, when I am reaching for answers in a star filled night, it is then, My heart has decided to carry on, with them, even if they do not know. 

True love is not a word, it is an action, and expression and the one thing you cannot part with, for it is embedded in your heart and soul.

The Map

 

Sometimes the answers are not always clear,

The Questions are lingering along with the fear,

Cannot go back, so we step slowly ahead,

Making guesses in the dark as we lay in bed,

confusion is not easy to overcome,

although sometimes normal for some,

Cannot grasp the reality, cannot lay down the line,

There is something missing, It is calling me to find,

Cannot possibly find it, In my empty heart,

In others I search, hoping for a new start,

But the shallow still waters do not assist,

Still waiting for that spark, the energy I miss,

Finding it hollow in this empty dream of mine,

waiting on the stars above to show me a sign,

they never seem to change, just make a soft glow,

The water before me shimmers, I still do not know,

What lays ahead, Nor can I see which way to turn,

It is a unmapped territory, One I have yet to Learn,

God grant me the honor, Give me the strength,

To walk it alone, No matter the Length

Give me a passion, that will guide my way,

One to take me further, than the previous day,

The 10 Simple things I have learned

 

It is summer,  the weather is warm, I am taking daily walks behind an Escalade that goes a hell of a lot faster than me and My old puppy can walk, and God knows I am NOT ready to put on that Bikini, Let alone a tent Like Bathing suit.

We all go through this, It is Inevitable,  We look at our selves and think of our bad qualities,  we pick ourselves apart, It is Human nature to look at what others have and disregard our own goodness,  I mean Really do I look like a Small Mini Condo Complex in that suit?  Oh yes, I DO!  Life itself is not always bad, We all make bad decisions,  I have made a few bad decisions, But I believe my good ones Out weigh the bad. But in my vast knowledge of life, which is not  by far any more than yours, these are the Lessons I have learned and Ones that I try to Uphold.

1. Whenever you have a gut feeling, go with it.  I say this because I believe we are all “Special” in our own way, Not in the way our mom said… Yea that was quit a pile of Bullshit, But honestly I am doing the same thing with my son, But he is special *Laughs*.  I am talking special in a Psychic manner, Our inner psyche knows things that are not apparent to our visual mind, as humans we can Misconstrue just about anything and also, alter our thoughts to match or mimic what we WANT to believe, Stop it, Go with the gut,  chance of it being right are pretty damn good.
   
2. Never leave things unsaid, Ever.  Even if you just jot them down and shoot them in an email, I say this for 1 reason, It is easier to be let down than to just not know and always wonder,  there is so many people that have missed opportunities because they did not speak up, and this goes from job opportunities to Love.  I would rather have a broken heart on the mend than live my life wondering what if…. it is the what ifs we get stuck on, we end up what Iffing everything, We end up not looking forward because we are to damn busy living in the past, Because I mean really, What If???
   
3. When Possible, always eat dessert – Ok your thinking this is probably the lamest one on the list, NO this is actually pretty damn Important, besides the  Sweet Crustiness of a fresh baked pie and the creamy smooth taste of cheese cake, this goes for Life's choices, all the sweet ones,  always try to enjoy the moment – that is what dessert is about, enjoying.  Dessert represents the good things in life, and we should always choose to eat dessert, a couple times a day if possible, Then if there is still room for some Jello and whipped cream, Have at it.
   
4. Apologize, apologize, apologize…… I need to work on this one, Because I am hard headed, But it takes a lot before I get to the point before I wont back down, so of course it is completely their fault in the end, because I have a 9 to 1 ratio, Me on the high end for apologies.  I don’t mind being the one to say “I am sorry”  but everyone else has to buck up and do their part to.  sometimes it may take me a while, But I do eventually do it and only when I mean it. I don’t toss it out there Like a dog biscuit and see if it is taken, No, I say it, I move on.  I Know I sound a bit cold on this subject But really since I am always the one apologizing because I HATE to hurt people, well, one day ill find someone who will be 50/50 with me on this and realize they are not always right, Which leads me to the Next one.
   
5. Realize your NOT always right – I have learned a lot about personalities over the last year, the types and the traits, I am an Introverted feeler, I am the INF (I am 50/50 on the P and J I’ll take the test again *Sighs*) so I am not particularly in love with arguing, so I am easy to back down and take the fall, but there is also a internal guard I have which consists of this thing called self respect, this in itself allows me to say, “Um Fuck You” and walk away.  If I have to back down ALL the time and there is no bending on the other side what so ever, well I am the one who has already done my part so it comes down to You who needs to look in the Mirror.  I will eventually go to #4 and apologize if I need to for maybe My actions, But I will Not apologize for not accepting your derelict ways of Looking at things,  I have my own twisted ass way of life, I am not going to circumvent your Bull shit into it and mess it all up. 
   
6. Dance and sing like no one is watching – Really, this is another dessert one, It is a reference to something we typically don’t do, I honestly have a horrid voice, and you would pay me to shut up, and I am completely fine with that, BUT when it comes to life Be yourself, don’t pay attention to what every one else is doing, and don't try to act differently because it may not be accepted, the only way to be you, is well, to dig deep, and do all the stupid shit, which comes down to dance and sing like no one is watching,  Someone is going to appreciate that and maybe they will catch on, Now wouldn’t it be nice if every one took off their fake ass masks and was who they really were , It would save a lot of time and heart break in the end, Now wouldn’t it.
   
7. Appreciate your Differences – This one is attached to #6, only because it allows others to be different, We are all so busy trying to conform to whatever is acceptable and what is the popular choice we forget that we are all Individuals, the term Individual is this 

   in·di·vid·u·al/ˌindəˈvijo͞oəl/

   Adjective: Single; separate: "individual tiny flowers".

   Noun: A single human being as distinct from a group, class, or family

   I am Not saying you cannot like what is Popular, I am saying Don’t like it because it is popular, Like it because it is who you are, So many people are out there carrying dogs In purses, wearing Big sunglasses and floppy ass hats, getting their nails done, that they get caught up in what is popular, and then there is Lady Ga Ga, Now she understand what being an Individual means, Screw the press, screw the Paparazzi, This is it,  Yes she Looks Odd, Maybe even Off her rocker, But you know what, She is singing and dancing Like No one is watching AND she is an Individual… Um You Fuckin Rock Lady Ga Ga

    

8. Dreams are for the sleeping – I am the Utmost Guilty one for this, Seriously, I am pathetic, My Email, My Virtual Property My Life structure is built around dreams, But what they REALLY are is goals, That is such a harsh term I think that is why people dream, because dreams are a bit far Fetched so If you don’t reach them, Well It WAS just a dream.  A Goal on the other hand is  something you CAN Obtain, something within reach BUT with hard work, which most are not willing to put enough work into it to reach.n So stop with the Dreaming shit, Really,m have goals, that is the grown up term, and really we all need to grow up at some point, Which Brings me to #9.
   
9. NEVER GROW OLD – Huge difference in Up and Old, and I think people forget how much fun it is to be a kid, the imagination, the laughter at silly stuff the  perfect way of doing nothing and everything all at once.  The happiness with just the Hose on a hot day, the simplicity of not being something we were not.  If children are good at one thing, it is being their self and trying to squeeze every minute and every smile out of every corner out of every day.  We all have responsibilities, We cant say screw it, I’m not paying the Mortgage, But take note from children and remember, there is always time to smile and have fun, and sometimes you may have to look silly doing it, but the chances of that smile being contagious, Is worth its weight in gold. 
   
10. Learn From Your Mistakes – Don’t lose the lesson, In what you do, EVER,  If something does not work out, there is a reason, and the reason is your lesson, Most people walk away from relationships and see its over, But Why… there is a reason it did not just happen, there was a process that took place, and somewhere in there is a lesson that one day IF you Heed the warning, You can stop from happening again,  It is so simple to walk away and just cut your Losses, But really it is so much smarter to get something out of a failure, It makes you a better stronger person in the Long run