Artistic Emotions

 

Why do people write?  Sing?  Listen? Paint? Sculpt?

It is a passion beyond words, It is putting your life, your history, you current place and your lessons into a group of clay, Colors, Notes or in my case words.  If I could sing, I would,  You would thank me for doing so believe me.

There is songs that I wish I wrote, I mean truly they are heart felt, they speak volumes of emotion without even knowing me,  They are my Heart songs,  They are when I hear them they take me back to a place where I can remember, taste, see and feel every note, every held note, every memory is some how connected to that song.

Simply Pain

I just heard this on the radio, It is simply put, a moment of realization, the moment you know you screwed up, let something go, or just not ready to let go,  It is taking all the pain and synchronizing  it with notes that blend into a a piece of music that associates anyone with the loss of someone they love, still love and cannot let go. 

Never letting go

The strings in the beginning make my stomach tighten,  It is a song of desperation for me, holding onto someone who is gone, someone who meant the world to you.  It is the death of a body but never a soul.  It is wishing you had followed them to wherever they are now.  This song brings tears of sorrow from the loss but Smiles of the memories… I have a stone in my garden it states “If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I’d walk right up to heaven and bring you home again”  Simply put, Undying love beyond any ones touch, words or title. 

That moment of change

Never wanting to let go of that one moment.  Wanting time to stand still, and knowing that time may change, but for now, it is ok, It is all going to be okay as long as you have them.  It is realizing that only that one person can change you for the better, and take you at your worst.  If only we all had that person in our life.

 

Live for each Moment

I could do a WHOLE Blog on Enrique…  Every song of his is good, But this one is such a fun, uplifting song, It is making the most of each and everyday.  Singing and dancing, Hugging and well, Have a drink to  

All of his songs have a message worth writing about, but this one is so Uppy (Is that a Word)  it makes me move, it makes me feel good and it makes me want to go to Cabo…

Let go of the past

This is such a sweet and happy song, it is full of acceptance and new beginnings.  Everyone has a past, everyone has made mistakes, Would you feel the same way if you knew all of them?  If you can accept your own mistakes, then they to should be able to also.  It doesn't matter what others think, It only matters that you are happy with who you are. 

Looking for Forgiveness

Scanning the radio one day I came across this song, I liked it enough to find it and fall even more In love with it.  It is saying you will judge yourself so much harder that others.  You are no more or less perfect that anyone else, Your mistakes are not who you are, only what you choose to become,  You are more than the choices that you made, you are more than the problems you create… I should honestly listen to this song more often,  I sometimes judge people without reason, I go on defense, and well,  I have my share of mistakes, once again, I am my own worst critic….

You cannot tell a heart anything

Smiles…. as good as this song is good its bad, It is a complete mess of emotions, good bad and well lustful.. It is the perfect relationship song, It makes all the sense in the world to those on ether end.  Hate and love are only divided by a fine line and the emotions together can sway ether side.. I hate how much I love you, I cannot stand how much I need you… Balancing a negative with a positive is how all relationships work, It is when you disregard the positives and accumulate the negatives that a relationship fails..

I wish you all someone you hate to love so much

 

Peace Out

One Day

 

One day my mind will stop thinking of all the yesterdays

One day my ears will stop hearing the words I wanted you to say

One day you will leave my heart, along with my mind,

One day Ill stop searching, for the one thing I thought I would find

One day Ill put to rest, all the questions and the pain,

One day Ill not look to rainbows, But dance alone in the rain,

One day Ill be more secure, and Ill like to actually be me

One day Ill unchain my heart, let it fly and set it free

One day seems so far, It seems so far away

One day Ill tell myself, that today is that day

Learning to Fall

 

Nights of smiles and laughs,  You have once again made me whole,

It is the loss of a complicated puzzle, and joining of our two souls,

I know it seems forever since the day we came to terms,

It is then we take all the lessons, and from them finally Learn

We never will be perfect, For perfection is a pure reflection

But together we will be, Both going in the same direction,

I thank you for never giving up, and for making it worth the ride,

It was always you who held me, Gave me laughs, Even when I cried

You always knew how to take me, the good, bad and otherwise,

You seemed to see beyond my wall, Peel away my disguise,

With you I am myself, I have no negative things to say,

But look to each and every morning, as yet another blissful Day

For now I shall take it as it comes, and make the most of it all,

I now can say you made me believe, Its not always Bad to fall.

Book Of Life

 

There was a time when I saw, My future hand in hand with you,

The sunsets, late nights and sharing, But in time I knew,

As each page turns in a book, It was time to let you go,

Maybe you could not accept it, But then again, I know,

As if the book of our life, rolls from words on a page,

Our love may have never died, But nether did the rage,

Paragraphs filled with the rush, a tender sweet kiss,

Other filled with disdain and demons as in a greek myth,

the chapters unfolded memories, with all together came,

The whole of our complete relationship, a book with no name,

I see the the beginning so clear, as if it were today,

The middle is a bit fuzzy, for there was so many things to say,

But the ending, Oh the ending, It was what made the book cover Blue,

It was then I had to come to a close, and out the door I flew,

It was time to close  our book, and set it on a shelf,

One with other books alike, Some of dreams, Love or wealth,

It was to be kept safe and still, to grasp for another time,

In case I needed reference,  when my life once again became Mine

I thank you for those chapters, for I am stronger than before,

When I cried as I left the book closed, and faded through the door,

The tears were not all pain, No they were my happiness to,

For I could not be me without, Having to be with you

Separated Hearts

 

I can feel the touch of your hand,  I can feel the heat of your lips,

I can see the smiles dancing on your face, But it is you I still Miss,

I long to lay beside you,  hold you close, feel you inside,

To once again feel the happiness, that made my lonely nights subside,

The miles that stretch in-between,  they call out to me in the night,

It is our love, determination and need, that make us not lose sight,

I  can still feel the sun on my face, your kind and gentle stare,

If I close my eyes and get lost in thought,  I can still see you there

I want the saltiness of your lips, always and forever against Mine,

I want walks along the beaches, Picnics, sharing a bottle of wine,

I want us to meet in the middle, and for us to never look back again,

I want you  against my sheets, my pillow, My undeniable sin,

I need you to walk beside me, not be so very far away,

I cross off the days on my calendar,  until I can get to that day

For you are my heart and soul,  You have captured me from myself,

I have never known such eternal bliss, Such zen, such wealth,

With you I need no other possessions, for as long as we are one,

My life will continue to prosper, you are second to None,

My love please hold me close, even though we are so far away,

For I am always here for you, and forever I will Stay.

The Map

 

Sometimes the answers are not always clear,

The Questions are lingering along with the fear,

Cannot go back, so we step slowly ahead,

Making guesses in the dark as we lay in bed,

confusion is not easy to overcome,

although sometimes normal for some,

Cannot grasp the reality, cannot lay down the line,

There is something missing, It is calling me to find,

Cannot possibly find it, In my empty heart,

In others I search, hoping for a new start,

But the shallow still waters do not assist,

Still waiting for that spark, the energy I miss,

Finding it hollow in this empty dream of mine,

waiting on the stars above to show me a sign,

they never seem to change, just make a soft glow,

The water before me shimmers, I still do not know,

What lays ahead, Nor can I see which way to turn,

It is a unmapped territory, One I have yet to Learn,

God grant me the honor, Give me the strength,

To walk it alone, No matter the Length

Give me a passion, that will guide my way,

One to take me further, than the previous day,

True Love

 

What really is love?  Is it a feeling?  an action?  maybe a moment of zen where you know you are supposed to be in that particular spot, Or maybe its just the giving of yourself completely.  Is it feeling comfortable, Is it the moments when you can be yourself, Is it the need to please that person and show them gratitude.

The answer is not easy, It is actually a accumulation of all of those things. 

I for one do not believe in love at first sight…. Ok maybe just lust at first sight and love sneaks up later, but I think love is something that over time progresses.  It is like stairs, the further you go up, the closer you are to your destination.  Love is not just words, but actions, it is being with someone and not just seeing them for what they can do for you, BUT what you can do for them, It is a two way street, it must be met in the middle to be somewhat successful. 

If you find yourself climbing and climbing and they seem to be getting more distant, they are not walking the same path as you, But if they are matching your steps, even trying to keep up with you…(Remember not everyone is at your pace) give them some credit. 

I knew someone, someone so completely different than myself, that it was almost obscene we be together.  My friends questioned my sanity.  What drew me to them?  Total honesty and well, they did not want me physically just yet.  They took their time, to get to know me, they listened to my rants and raves,  they supported my decisions, they made me feel as if I was not a total chick, it was this thing called Respect.  It felt good. 

Needless to say, it did not last,  but once again I gained so much from that, I learned to be subjective, to use my brains and not my heart all the time.  Which that alone was worth any pain I felt leaving them behind. 

Really I did not leave, I just stepped away and let them battle their own demons, they had a few and I could not take on the world for them anymore. 

One thing I believe is that whatever was felt in that time, since I had set all the physical stuff aside, was pure and true.  It was not an escape, nor was it just a moment of insanity that lasted a year.

I am one to forgive and forget easily,  I do not harbor darkness, I let it out in my poetry and writing, therefore, I am a much more peaceful person when it comes to being hurt. 

When you truly love someone, it does not matter if they are with you or not,only that they have happiness in their life that should matter, that is so true, and it is a testament to true love to let go.

I cannot stress enough that letting go dose not mean, Not loving, it is the action behind it that speaks volumes,  it is the care and concern for the other that is the ultimate sacrifice.  You may still hurt, but they may be better off without you. 

Finding one that truly loves you takes time, and I am not saying X amount of hours, but time, time to really dig deep, be honest with each other, and really share thoughts, dreams and futures.  If you think you love someone at say 3 months,  wait another 3, see what happens… If it is a mutual relationship, they too will still be there.  Walking along with you, up the steps of life.  meeting you half way, and making sure you know how much your appreciated.

Love is not beauty, nor sex, it is not a single emotion or words, It cannot be given without taking pieces of you with it.  Love is a package of so many small things that add up to the greatest achievement of all, Love. Always remember, a heart is the only thing you, that you can give away, and yet get more back than given. 

My Angel

 

It is as if I am, Alone in a box of glass,

I am watching all around, Just a single cell Mass

My thoughts are racing and screaming, you cannot hear,

My logic flies out the window, the dampness of a tear,

Thoughts overflowing,  Grasping at ribbons of hope,

Memories like balloons, above my head they float,

Streets interchanging, Not a single one I know,

I have no control over the speed, as if I am in tow,

Chasing dreams in a circle, always ending up here

Looking for a wheel, so I can take control and steer

But not in this little box, made of glass shall I move,

I must break out, shatter the walls, so cool and so smooth,

Rocking back and forth, holding my legs tightly near,

It is disappointment, hurt and pain, that is my biggest fear,

Can I let go of history, no, it is there to stay,

Searching for answers, There must be another way,

Calling out for help, It is then I see a glow,

a soft mist of an angel, One whom I swear I know,

It comforts and protects me, from so far away,

I can feel its calmness and love, I try to walk its way,

My legs weak from not standing, Like a new born,

I hold onto the glass around me, my Clothes dirty and torn,

It is then I find the glass, Is not as high as it appeared,

but I am scared now to step over, Back in rush my fears,

Holding my breath and closing my eyes, I try to go over the wall,

My feet looking for ground, It is then I fall,

Weightless and in flight, I grasp onto my angels hand,

My angel smiles down at me as if they understand,

I plead to tell me how, why and where I should be,

My angel just sets me down, and gazes down at me,

I smile then knowing, all will come to a place,

Where the pieces will come together, and that I can face,

The ups downs and heartache, the good and the bad,

To accept life as I know it, and appreciate what I had.

Cyber for Love, Love for Cyber

 

From my personal experiences here, there always seems to be a common denominator.   Someone is being deceived in one way or another.  Be it their life style, their sex, Their age or their epic failed attempt to stay monogamous.

Its hard, I mean some people are in open relationships, and apparently its cool to do this, it is totally accepted.  Then there are the other ones where maybe the lie has nothing about the relationship, but with their RL.  Is keeping RL stuff secret bad?  I am not so sure it is always bad… Just bad when the lie can mentally screw up a persons  Psyche. 

I was told once, I will never kick a girl out of bed cause her nails are not done…… Interestingly enough, that one statement alone says a lot.  they are not there to judge your nails or your hair,  They are there for one thing and one thing only……Sex.

I Knew a guy once he had 7 avatars, 5 were partnered and the rest had girls in the profile…. I was one of those girls.   I called him out, said maybe he should take a step back and figure out what he wants, but to please leave me out of those options…. Luckily he did  and he wanted out of secondlife after being caught.

I have made some blundering mistakes,  I have, trusted the wrong people, thought that because  we were so close that would never happen, Gawd was I wrong. But then I think it was all these failed attempts that made me cynical…..I am cynical because Of what I have seen, what I felt and  what I'm told.

Say a friend tries to Cyber you,  You decline on the basis, I am not gonna be the “Other girl”  they say they are not…… say active but you find out different.

WTF do I do with this handful of shit?   Walk away, the better person, that is what.

The common trend here though is virtual sex,  it is and probably will be a VR hot topic for, well, ever…… If I had a dime for every offer of a rambling emote my Year in secondlife would be paid for and then some.

People use love for sex, People use sex to feel love, it is a never ending  circle, one that most get caught up in.  Why?  Because bottom line we are human, behind the pixels.  Real emotion comes without the sex, it comes by sharing, but not many people will stick around for the pure emotions if what they really want is just the main attraction.   Some get the main attraction and just take it for what it is, Just another night. 

Who is wrong here?  In a virtual world, it really is no different than RL dating,  Most guys would love to  screw around on the first date,  although the chances of them keeping you around for a long time is shortened.  You lose your luster after giving them the one thing they want… You. 

Bottom line, if you want to keep someone, I have found they do stick around if you keep your RL morals… Yes SL is a fantasy of sorts for some, it is a place to explore maybe a deeper darker side.

I don’t NOT believe in cyber, I just believe it is something that should not be used to hurt others, or to feel better ourselves discounting the other person. 

Bottom line is

Guys want Cyber

Girls Want Cyber

They are not going to say no to cyber of any type if they want it.

They will use you for whatever you allow them to  (Allow is the key word here)

They don’t regret doing any of the above

So keep your high morals,  don’t let some lame ass dude you met an hour ago, a week ago, a month ago, talk you out of them,  are they worth it?  probably not.  Unless of course that is why you’re here, then feel free to be the booty call on a Thursday night, because well,  Your online and want it.  I am happy in my cynical  little corner of the internet, Not playing the games, why?  Because I still have a lot of friends,  Ones I didn’t lose because, well, they will always try, But they know, They Know….. the Answer will still Be No…

Random Acts

 

Sometimes it happens,  We make a decision that ultimately impacts the rest of our life.  Without knowing,  we take our whole future head on, no holds barred, We trudge through with a determination that no one is stopping us. 

I think these are the easiest times really,  If we knew it was life changing we would have probably thought a bit more about it.  Considered other options, even left some doubt.

So our lives technically change with every decision we make,  It travels to tomorrow with us like our shadow. 

One day at Starbucks I was in the drive through, I was tired, running late and needed a triple Caramel Macciatto to make it a better day.  I was in the process of ordering as the SUV behind me proceeded to hit me. 

Really??

I got out in the darkness of the early morning with the shadows of the parking lights against the bumper of my Brand new 2010 Malibu and this woman talking to me apologizing.  Apparently her day was worse off than mine. 

After exchanging information, as the woman in the speaker that had been taking my order was asking if I was OK, If They needed to call 911 If I still wanted my coffee…I kinda need it more now  Uh Yeah… can you add Baileys??? Damn…

I pulled up to the window to get my coffee, once I paid for mine, I then asked, How much was the coffee for the lady behind me?

I honestly don’t remember how much but say 7 dollars.  I  dug in my purse for a few more dollars and said, Here, Ill pay for her coffee. 

She stared at me….  “Your paying for the coffee of the lady that just hit you?”

“Yes, Because My day was bad before, But now hers is worse than mine, It is the nice thing to do” 

It was as if I had passed off any cloud I had for the happiness of another.  Did she expect to find out I had paid for her coffee,  Not likely, But I’ll bet that one action that day made her crap of a morning a bit better, I know all of a sudden my day seemed better, and well, I had just gotten hit….

After that I started at random, Paying for peoples lunches at Burger King,  Coffee at Bigbys and starbucks, and once gas at a gas station.  The gas was actually more of a here is some money for gas,  he was on his way up from Indiana,  around Fort Wayne area and his Debt card was not working, I have been there.   He was out of gas and needed to get to lansing, another 30 Miles.  That would be hard on an Empty tank.  His cell phone was dead, He used mine, His debt card was useless… I already knew I was not about to Fill up his tank, But I had 10 dollars to offer to help him get to his mom.  His name?  I honestly don’t know, I could not pick him out of a line up now if I tried.

Leaving Aldis one day I went to get Into my car,  It was a bad time for me, I was in Indiana, Hours away from home, minimum wage job and 20 dollars to spend for a few weeks of Groceries.   I found an envelope under my wiper blade with “God told me you needed this” Inside was another 20 dollar bill, One to replenish the 20 I had just spent.  A pit in my stomach I looked around in awe, Not able to comprehend what had just happened.   I still to this day have no clue who gave me that envelope.  Did I know them?  Did they know me and my financial issues?  Was this just a freak occurrence or was it god telling me,  I am here looking out for you,  Your doing your best.

We all need to step back and remember not what we see is always what's really going on.  One small choice can change your life,  For me it was that 20 Dollar bill, In a white envelope.  Now when I see someone having a bad day, Struggling, or even just looking as if they are lost, I offer help, a Smile or maybe even a gas station rose as I go back to my car.   Not everyone knows how to pay it forward but they will be changed by it when It happens.  Maybe they cannot afford to buy gas for someone, But they can offer their phone, a friendly smile and just being genuinely well, Human. 

Not all my days are spent paying it forward, I get lost in the crap life has to offer, But one thing I do know is that I always leave feeling better if I know I made a difference in someone's Minute, Their day, maybe gave them a glint of hope that had lost its luster after so many failed attempts.   Half of success is your motivation and drive, How you look at the situation.  If you have a Positive attitude, I guarantee your chances of success will go up compared to the negative.

May your day be filled with Random acts of kindness and may you pass it on to the next person in need.

 

Peace Out…

How to Be a Player….

 

A while ago I was invited to a party of sorts… Well it was a big party/  The friend who asked me I lovingly call Player.  Why?  He is, and I will tell him to his face on skype Or in text chat in SL. He knows what he is, and I think in a way he is proud of it. 

Okay, back to topic…  SO I declined for two reasons really

1 I was with My BFF Shapshifter chilling

2 I Knew the invite was more of a status to him than anything else

I refuse to be a status for someone else,  Shapeshifter said, Lets go, your with me tonight.. Yes But I don’t need the questions and jealousy later.  Funny Player is jealous of my friends.  Why,,,, I am not sure why.   I chatting one day after I asked how the party went, He said it was great.

“I had 6 girls dancing around Me, and all were asking about the other Hoochies around me were”

Sighs…… And he thought I would come to be Number 7….  I may have just come back, but I Remember the game.  

I had a whole 40 minutes that night to chat, and decided that doing it with Shapeshifter was best, I think I called It right. 

Player and I are 2 parts to a Never ending puzzle, We understand each other probably more than most in SL  Even though he has the tag of Player in my blog, I know why he is and I don’t judge on that basis. 

Another side note,  Shopping at Players place a while back, I received a Random IM, It was an Emote… It Used Womanhood.. Really….. Oh my, I asked him,  Is this You? Are U playing With me? 

No…

Your store Partner??

No….

Well I know the store has Lots of Alts running around, Models , customer Service etc… 

I was able to UnEmote the person and they said TY Nini…

I still wonder who would have nerve to send me an emote out of the blue that was there, But then…. Nothing should surprise me anymore. 

Living On the Edge

 

So here it is a new year, New Possibilities and new options.  I may be a bit of a Narcissist,  I do not really celebrate New years much, it is just another day.  Even if the year continued every day or even just lasted a month, it would not matter much.  I do not do resolutions,  if I do they are easy ones like play more legos, Box more on the Kinect on hard level and well, just exist in my small corner of the internet.   Being an introvert you will not find me club hopping,  I will let the new year come in its peaceful way if possible. 

I have started the year sadly dealing with a few virtual issues… two friends of mine have gone through some type of break up of sorts,  and I am the basically the sounding board.  I feel like my months gone has made me a bit out of touch, with not having any strings to bind me to anyone or thing but regardless they are my friends and I will back them hell or high water.   Funny how we get entangled into things, when the last place you particularly  want to be is in the middle.  Looking back I guess that is where you end up regardless especially when your only side is the one you put yourself with the knowledge you have. 

The good thing about time is it seems to limit the pain in each situation and give you a clearer view.  I can honestly say within the last month I myself had an epiphany of sorts.   I cannot say it was surprising, but it was actually what I needed at the time.  I received an email from someone whom I have had a falling out with.  All in all we are at peace with each other, maybe even call us each others guiding light.  As close as we were once, It is nice to know I have someone who knows me as well as they do in my corner, watching out for my well being, my heart and my happiness. 

If only I could attempt to clear my head out of emotion,  completely,  let my logical side take over, but although I  strive to be a complete mass of logical choices, emotions always seem to get the best of me eventually…

Maybe now is a good time to start back on my Poetry Blog and step away from the bitter relationship roller coaster that I seemed to board unknowingly the last month.  I know when writing poetry I feel a zen, a completion, a  bliss of sorts.

For those out there reading my blog, Be it you’re a subscriber, a friend or  it was passed on, no matter who you are, may this year bring you happiness beyond words can describe. 

Peace Out

ACK… That Awkward Moment

 

You know that moment when you do/Say or are caught doing something in SL that kind of screws up all those RL lies you have been trying to keep to your self.

This blog is about that moment….

On the internet everyone lies a lil, Be it their name, race, age and god forbid their sex…  But hey, It is those streches of truth that make it a safe haven for those who Want to say be a girl, Want to be 21 again or just want to be someone so unlike out RL that it would be impossible.  I highly doubt If I walked around Neko I would have many job offers in RL.

Case 1:  This one is amusing,  I have a friend who lives in New York… Ok, They claimed to live in New York,  We used to chat often, trading good songs on Youtube and such.   They sent me a video one night (When In New York) that said “This video is not available in your country. … Smirks…  Ok, Since when did New York become its own country?  After a few weeks I finally pointed it out, I knew they were from Canada.  They were shocked, but did laugh it off, said they were only protecting their RL identity.  I said that was fine, I did not need to know their RL identity nor would I ever ask for it.  at that point, I continued to receive a few videos “Not available in  your country”   Makes Me laugh every time.

Case 2:  Meeting online your at mercy of what people tell you,  and what you believe.  Well I met someone who told me they were a 23 Year Old college student, who then later I found out was just turning 18,  It was so close to the point of turn that I let it go knowing they would transfer from the teen grid before the account would even be used.  Chatting to another friend maybe a Month ago, Their age was brought Up, they mentioned the persons age, I was shocked, I said NO WAY,  I was under the Impression Er, No I was told… Differently.  So playing truth one day I asked, What year were you really Born… They asked why, Knowing they were caught, almost 5 years later… They were honest though.  I asked, why did you lie to me back then?  they said, you would not have talked to me if you knew the truth.. Point taken and a valid one at that, I would not have…. Now I just shake my head…

Case 3:  Girl Meets Girl, They fall In love and Hard,  Now, I am a third party on this one,  But apparently one girl is a guy,  he feels awful that he cannot talk to his Significant other  but stays on.  They grow closer,  they share passwords and well , apparently he had pictures of himself in his inventory, Ummm, Yeah, I'm not going to go any further on that.  The girl left devastated that he was not a she.  He was devastated because he really cared for this girl, but could never be what she wanted…

Case 4:  Me….When I logged Into SL, I had no need to share my Info, I used a alias to protect me.  One day chatting On voice, I want to say beginning of 2008 just after Voice came out and actually worked, they heard my son.  I could have said, No I'm babysitting yada yada.  I never Lied, I just never told people that I had a lil one.  I fessed up completely said it was the reason I am so paranoid about people finding me, my son is my life.  He is the Best 6 year old super Hero ever and will always remain the reason I wake every morning with a smile.

Is lying illegal?  Only if your in court, Bound by the rules and regulations set forth on you by the state, county or district your in, in real life, well this goes down as well,  You believe what your told (Or not told in some cases)  some of these people had their best intentions fail because of the choice they made others, well they just moved on knowing 1 or two people had found their secret.  I don’t doubt my friend still lives in New York for most of the people they meet, Nor Do I go around telling people I have a child, but any of my close FB friends knows as me and him are plastered all over with smiles. 

Did I judge any of these people after?  Nah, why?  moment has passed, I cannot change a thing, Ok, so one really deserved to be on the teen grid, but did they act as if they were a teen?  No, if they did, I doubt Linden Lab would have made them a Mentor for a few years giving them access to the whole grid including the welcome areas and off limit areas to the rest of the residents in Secondlife.   Did the one guy ever pretend to be a girl again?  I hope not, For all emotional reasons I think the ending pain would have haulted me from falling knowing I was the polar opposite of what they wanted. 

In the end, take what your told for what its worth.. It is and always will be what they WANT you to know, and that is it……

I am who I think I am

That gray shaded area……

 

Hearts never Breakeven

If there is one thing I have learned, there is no one sided relationship.  two people, two different opinions and well two different sides.  

Lets say the girls side it white, cause well I’m a girl and well white seems to be the better color.  We are emotional based beings and we usually put all into something, be it a relationship, a job or a hobby.  We emotionally make choices based upon past decisions and well, how we feel at that moment.  Not always a bad thing but we have our flaws being the feeling of the two sexes.

Men,  they are stuck with black, well it’s the color left and really,  they are darker, We as females may be able to fake an orgasm, but they can fake a whole relationship.  Yeah ok I know that is old but I still love that saying.  Their choices are calculated  more of a lab experiment of sorts. 

They may get caught up in feelings but well, in my opinion being the testosterone of the two sexes I think we as females do work harder and longer at things, as they can be fickle and they change their mind faster than my dog tells me its time to eat. 

So this leads me to believe that my friends break up, although I have only heard one side from limited people, still has 2 sides.  Being their friend, not that I hate or have any ill feelings toward their X, but is it my job to find out that gray shaded area?  I don’t really think that is my place, and nor do I think that she is going to invite me to tea anytime soon with out putting a bit of arsenic in it. 

That damn gray shaded area…  Gawd… He said… She said…  It is a Jumbled mess of But you said that… I told you this…. I Loved you… and well Basically WTF happened……  One of My fav break up songs is Breakeven…  this almost never happens (Breakeven that is)  one is always more hurt,  It is a never ending story of pain , despair and loneliness that winds itself down a long road of recovery.  It is then at that time you look in the mirror and say “You know what, They suck”  that you begin to feel empowered. 

I have been hurt by people, deceived and well, I lost a friend whom after over 2 years, I thought would NEVER hurt or lie to me.   I remember the pit in my stomach, the tears that never seemed to end and the wondering why…. just why would they do it, lie, cheat steal my heart with no regard to how I felt.  Around 8 months later I received a random IM of sorts with a half ass apology… I accepted because by then, I could have cared less,  did I offer friendship, Hell No, Look me up in search…. that is where they can find meh….

So in closing I’m seriously not one to say one side is right or wrong, I know there is two sides to everything.  I see no reason why that gray shaded area has anything to do with me, let alone should I attempt to find out what it is.  I was told what I was told, and being AFK the whole time,  I have to take that as face value. 

For my friend, Once again, I know you probably have not told me everything… Guys have this great way of leaving things out like, Umm Details LOL.  Regardless I see no reason why you would lie to me ether, you have nothing to lose with me, I am and always have been your friend.

For their X,  I do feel for you, I hate the fact that you thought it was forever and had that dream crushed.  I hope that you find a well deserving person in the future, one that shares your future.  I once again have no clue what your side is, but I'm sure your white side of the relationship would make a great shade of gray.

Peace be with all and for those going through a heartbreak, giving up does not always mean your weak, Sometimes it means your strong enough to see the reality and walk away.

Happy New Year Avatar!

 

So my page has been full of a pissing match of sorts.  Amazing how you can get pulled into stuff with nothing to do with it.  I have an opinion, and well, with my blog going a year now, I have never been shy to share it.  Some people are not as controlled as myself,  they write with pure adrenaline and emotion… I am so tempted to share the comment that was posted, But I am trying to keep this person, who feels the need to transfer hate to me, and play the victim of sorts safe from their own doing. 

If you like this song, Your Just Wrong…..

I blocked their IP for a bit, thinking maybe they Needed a break from rereading my blogs over and over again, Just stirring the fire, the hate and the rage. 

Funny thing, a lot of my blogs are about hurt feelings, Being discounted and losing what you wanted….. I seriously doubt they read any of those.  But it is ok, acceptance comes in time,  and honestly I have learned the hard way, time does heal all wounds, and even sometimes you can progress from the healing. 

Have respect for yourself

2010 has had ups and downs like every year.   I am in the very least lucky, and at the very most blessed with  anyone I was able to connect to this year.  It did not come and go without pain, Nah, no year does.  But it is what you do with that pain that has helped me grow as a person.  I did a blog a while back called what A girl wants.  It was quite amusing and stayed as the top read bog for quite a time, It was actually very heart felt in my own sense of humors way.   It was what dudes do wrong in a relationship that piss me off.  I was in a cocky fun mood but wanted to get a point across. I think I did and just before that, I had gone to a very dark place, one of pain, loneliness and despair. 

It was with that I think I grew as a person, I strived to be different.  Ok so I don’t offer  out my emotions as a option on the tray of life often, But I do have them, I just keep them very protected.  Using the L word with me is not going to work after a short time, My age old saying of Action talks, Bull shit walks is more my style.  If you feel the need to say it, make sure the actions behind it apply or you need to move onto the next weaker version of me. 

Imagine No War

Talking to an old  friend the other day was pleasant,  We are friendly now, the occasional  catch up, how are you.  I stated that I was friends with  all of my Xs at this point.  They laughed and said I was the exception, they are not friends with any.  They stated I was different than most, and that I was not basically the exception to the rule, But I was my own rule in itself.   He stated that of all his Xs, even though we did not last (Still Wondering if we were Ever really together so New to SL)  nor did it last long, I was one of the few that made him Nervous with energy.  *Laughs*  I look back at those days In Secondlife as exploring… That is what we did, we grabbed Misc sims and went, we did hunts we worked In clubs and we hung as a group.  

Lastly I stated that it seemed a lot less bullshit back then,  I mean it was a group of maybe 10 of us, all together.  we were like a Lil family who maybe moved out of state, lost touch, and really parted on not bad terms just different interests.  Time has its ways of bringing things back together, Back in a full circle.  2 or 3 of those people have quit SL but I am talking to all that are online now.  If only I had the time to be there and get us all together at the same time.  Soon.

Be strong

The beginning of a new year and taking the old and grabbing the lessons learned, It is allowing the bad to make you stronger and the good to carry with you as a reminder that no matter how bad, meek and desolate it looks, there is another place to be.  Nothing bad happens without a lesson learned, But only if you allow yourself to be open enough to learn that lesson,  I was blessed with someone who taught me this, Not through telling me but through showing me.  I am honored to say he is still my friend to this day and apparently still protective of my heart and soul.  Thank You Jersey….

Be Yourself

In closing, I wish everyone a productive year, May your smiles be catchy  by unsuspecting sadness in another. My your hand be a beacon of hope,  May the offer of a virtual hug be accepted with friendship, love and care and may each decision you make renew your  drive to be a better person this year and always

Ok, I need to go Beat on My XBox again….  a Lil Kinect boxing is calling..  Hugs!

Mastering Silence and Revenge

 

Ok silence is not so easy, one of my favorite sayings is Silence is golden, Duck tape is silver….  I Love that, Simply put, Learn when to back off and be quiet. 

Not every one has an off switch, nor do they have common sense as to when they look like a complete tool.  So here are some sayings I love that sometimes help me through stressful situations.

Revenge is best served cold…..

WOW, what a revelation, Stop acting like a psychiatric hospital patient gone AWOL and let it go.  Revenge is for those who are weak and need to make themselves feel better, strong people are the ones smiling and ducking with every attempt.  Which one do you want to be?

Before you judge someone, Walk in their shoes……

An oldie, but none the less good.  Before you judge someone on their opinions, see their side, don’t pretend like you KNOW them,  Shockingly your probably wrong.

Its not me, its you

Chances are if your gunning for revenge, it is going to be you that is making it harsh, everyone else is really trying to ignore the fact that you have gone a bit bat shit.  Friends may disappear, and god only knows the person your mad at is thankful your gone, and adding up the reasons with every attempt made.

Don’t go away mad, Just go away

Priceless… Do I really have to explain?

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminium foil

A personal Favorite of mine, accept they are not who you thought they were, and since they are not,  Move On

I'm so miserable without you, it's almost as if you're here!

Gawd if I had a dime for every time this one was true….  Laughs,  Time heals all My friends

Cancel my subscription because I don't need your issues

Love this, people think after its over, there is still some things to be said.  Sometimes silence says more than words, Like Fuck Off

Hating you would require an emotional commitment

Once again, Only used by the strong, tried and true, walk away and don’t allow them to bother you, you are letting them hurt you…  I give no one that right, since it is my choice to feel that way

Peace Out

Does My Sh*t Stink?

 

Are any of us better than the next? I really don’t think so, But what I do know is it is how we handle our selves and a situation that will most ultimately  be perceived as ourselves.  If you play dirty, I’m going to say your shit may not stink more but… Maybe you just have more of it.  My blog is here for entertainment purposes only, and it is for my pleasure of writing.  I Love to write, I ask No one to read it, they do on their own accord.  It is this thing called free speech.  there is a red X at the top right if you have an issue. 

There is also a Disclaimer saying if your easily offended, to press the for mentioned X.  I Received a comment which is not really legible. Commenting on how miscellaneous parts of my body smell, Yet another portion said a male was giving a blowjob to my brothers.  It was quite eloquent. 

Being in secondlife, I have seen better emotes and descriptions from Noobs who wear boxes really.  BUT  they felt the need to write it, so I am going to explain why my pile of shit is not as large and well as stinky. 

I do not cause crap, why, because shit rolls downhill.  Chances are you will be the one standing in it when it does.   It may seem to be different from another point of view, but anyone that knows me KNOWS I do not argue, I walk and disappear. 

When may my shit smell a bit?  Try sending say your BFF to my virtual lot yelling at me and another person, while we were not even there mind you…. and trying to make it look like he is the biggest douche ever.  That is when My blood boils.  If I am not involved in something, I  do everything in my power to stay that way.  At this point, I am going to be a bitch. 

I do have better things to do than deal with immature actions from a person that feels the need to hurt me for no other than the reason than you THINK I did something to cause you hurt.  I would like to mention I was AFK your whole relationship.  I came back the day before the ax came down so to speak.  I was not the cause, I was the shoulder after, as I have been for many years.  The definition of  being a shoulder to lean on has NOTHING to do with Cyber, Cheating or whatever else you THINK I may have done.  

Even IF I could, you would not believe me regardless so I have to go into Bitch mode, If you think toying with me is amusing, so be it.  I can pretty much write about anything, and Honestly, I can walk away from SL Very easily. It is call Real life, and I had that All Summer and am Completely fine Boxing on my Xbox Kinect. 

Funny thing is I did stop logging, for months and you know what,  The person whom you actually hated, Not me, was still my friend.  SO regardless of what I do, If I come or go, If I am a bitch or not.  Well we are just that good of friends to be able to not listen to the bullshit. 

So In Closing, every ones shit stinks, but some piles  are just bigger than others.

4 Hours 43 Minutes and 36 Sec

 

We wake everyday, We do our routine, and we smile whenever possible, Well at least I do.  I am an introvert by nature, but an optimistic one at that… I am a bit confusing.  It may not happen often but I have been known to crawl out of my shell to say DJ etc.  Mind you this was a while ago…..  Ill fix my PC one day and do again. 

Chatting to a friend about what my next blog should be (I have been Pretty Pissy lately and needed to lighten it up a bit HA HA) ,  they suggested I do one on how it is not how many people that are around, But WHO is there with you.  That one person who can hold your attention, one that can last say 4 hours 43 Minutes and 36 seconds.  even when it is old it never matter.  That person is someone whom you could have doubled that time and never got boring. 

We all have friends in a virtual world, and we do seem to hang with the same people over and over again, sometimes because of mutual interests, sense of humor or maybe even just because we WANT to be with them for no other apparent reason than they are our dual.  The other half that completes us, the significant other who makes us feel good, the one that listens, makes us smile when we cannot on our own, the one that understands the others needs, wants, desires and can read them like an open book.

Sad to say, most of us over look sometimes what they have, had or forget what that feels like.  The duality of them subsides and on comes our search for something we already had.  Other times it is like an old glove, you know where it is and know that when you need it, it still fits perfectly and without hesitation you will always reach for it.  They are your favorite so why bother with the others that you know are to bulky, to tight or just plain irritating. 

So in closing,  once you have something good, never set it aside, for it may be that one you were always looking for.

Peace Out Peeps!

Growing up in Secondlife

 

Holy Hell, Some people are Sooo Freaking Lucky I have a No Names Policy on this blog and I adhere to My word.  They are sending, Lets call her Shitty baby to my lot to act all stupid (Funny thing is, I was not even there reading it as they Yelled out their rant and nether was my friend)  trying to cause issues… I am a Peaceful person, I just Politely asked them In IM to not return to my lot.  They went off mind you, trying to stir up more trouble,  I kindly said I believed nothing and muted them….

I have been In SL WAY to long people,  Really I know these games, the mind ones you THINK you can play…  I am better than that. 

My Options were

A. Believe someone I met my first week in Secondlife and am pretty close to

B.  Believe some Ranting Psycho on my lot with access to my profile Info that pretty much leads you to my house, Not to Mention they happen to be in the “Family” group of my friends X girlfriend.

Ok, I'm NOT a rocket scientist but I do have common sense, I feel for this X who feels the need to harass them in such a way that makes her look immature and well just a plain freakin nut.  I also  hope this time she will grow a backbone and be a stronger person after she realizes how she is acting is just insane.  Please take your meds if prescribed by a Medical professional..  For the love of god and everyone PLEASE!

I am Not going to play into the Drama, But I am going to toy with your thoughts, Until you grow strong enough to STOP looking up my profile… Is it true?  Maybe.. Is it Not true?  Maybe .. Somewhere In between.. I am the only one who really knows so you just keep reading my Pics. 

For now, I am questioning why I even logged Bk in after a 4 Month vacation from SL… I left to leave the Drama, and come back to some under medicated, Mentlly unstable girl who apparently wants to kick my ass, for what….. Ha ha, Only she knows that.  I breath… Yeah that’s probably it. 

So in closing, Grow Up!  Don’t attempt to be mature and 30 years old when you act younger than a pubescent  teen…  It is not becoming, Nor is it tolerated with me.  I am not an emotional person, nor will I believe 90% of the crap I receive.  You should make this a lesson and turn 18 this year.

How Not To Screw Up a Break Up

 

I know they suck, I mean seriously.. Do any of us want the emotional BS of a break up?  NO,  We don’t go in with the attitude of  “They will Be my X one day so ride it out”

Hell No! We go in, fall fast then question later.  It is Human nature to put our eggs in one basket, I mean seriously, If your lazy why carry two for other options?

First rule of Breaking Up

STFU after a few failed attempts to talk……  I say this because people tend to keep talking when the other party is No longer interested,  they may smile or nod, maybe even reply, But chances are they really could care less about your excuses, your motivations and your emotions at this point. They are Humoring you, at Best and at worst, well Your just proving their point on why they broke up to begin with.

Don’t Threaten – Really, if you need to use threats to get someone back, even if it works, do you think they WANT to be there, Umm no,  they already ran once and will probably run again at the first chance they get. 

Don’t Call Names – GAWD.. If I had a dollar for every time I had a friend post some shit about an X.. Really this is mature… In maybe kindergarten.. My 6 year old son knows better than most adults, and I use the term adults very loosely at this point.  You look like the twit after you press save, send, enter or accept not your X…..

Don’t try to pull friends onto your side…. If they are on your side, they will still be there, Pulling them makes them question your friendship with them,  Chances are if they were your Xs friend first, You have lost them on default, If they were your friend first and they were also their friend but you keep acting a fool they will flee for enemy territory for less drama.

Don’t linger – The saddest thing is when someone cannot let it go…  Take a step back, No, Forget a step, Hell Move out of the state or at least DON”T contact them at numerous hours begging and pleading.  One – It Looks Desperate and two – Do you really want them at this point.. Lets think here.  They don’t want you, they broke up with you, So this now goes into you cannot always have what you want, Life is not fair and well… Put your big boy/girl pants on and walk away…..

Don’t try to be friends out of the blue with their friends – Ok this rarely happens, BUT it has been done.. OMG  Who are you and Why would I want to friend a person I don’t know on facebook or any other social outlet… Grow up and move on.

I see it this way, For me 6 months is good with no talking,  I like 6 months a nice round number, half a year and well, most harsh feelings are gone.  I am not a doctor, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express a few times….. So I know what I'm talking about, and the fact that very few of my Xs think I'm a total Nut case AND still talk to me, Regardless of who did the breaking up.   The few that do think I’m a nutcase,  maybe I wanted them to think that so there was NO contact in 6 months.. I am a smart cookie like that…..

 

Peace Out!

 

 

 

 

Happy Holidays

 

Tis the season for prim candy canes, dressing up as a virtual santa and giving the gift of cheer.   I haz been online a bit more, not all as once, in small pockets really.  It has been a flurry of shopping for gifts and giving them away.  My one friend bestowed upon me a beautiful dress accompanied by some black pearls and Gift certificate from EDO.  They were lovely.  Yet another friend sent me a Gift from DE Designs and a necklace that in a way coincided with theirs.  I may not be on all the time, But I DO have wonderful friends. 

Looking back on Christmas’s past,  I have been lucky, I never really spent a Christmas alone.  My first 2 years were spent with my partner  over a prim feast, chatting, laughing and sharing our days,  the last Christmas, I had a beautiful art gallery house, with all the festivities of Christmas.  Sent my partner a real gift instead of a inworld gift, which made me smile.  I luff giving gifts. 

This year will be a mile marker also, as I am spending it with those who over the years have made my past Christmas's what they were and making new memories.   Funny thing, I did not ask for anything this year, I did not ask for love, lindens or friends.  But as the season came, in walked all these gifts that over the years I already had, one that I had not forgotten but I had not thought about in a long time.   I was amazed at the thought, the meaning and the sweetness behind each gift.  Some just plain generous others, well more personal and given with the heart and not a linden balance.  One gift came along with a beautiful poem, it melted my heart, which is normally pretty damn untouchable.  

I wish all my friends in world a peace this season, a peace of mind and the warm thoughts of love from afar, virtual hugs and a vision for a happier future.  I have already gotten my Christmas gift, come to find out, I had already had it for 4 years now and just never knew it.

Peace and love be with you

Stepping back In, Just a Lil

 

So after being retired for a few years I have brought back Dylana a bit,  Not much but enough to say I am inworld.  My reasons for bringing her back?  As Lindsay, She has been a permanent name on the friends list of many.  I am not the type to ever delete a person, so if I log in I am bombarded with random IMs.  Dylana is from back in the day a textured shirt with prim arm cuffs was Premium, and low prim did not Include sculpties yet.  It is back when clubs did not always have a 200 L contest going to Lure in people, The owner wanted to have a club and did it for the want, not the need to bring in people to their mall.  Back when  your hair ended up your ass more often than a Good teleport and your legs seems to fold like a chair after company left for the holidays.  She is Definitely old school.  So when I log in, I have maybe 4 friends who speak to me, the other 100 are ether off Secondlife now, busy living their secondlife, or is wondering who the hell I am and waiting for me to log and delete me. 

Having my few closest friends on he account is what makes me go back, It makes me smile knowing they are there and always a fixture on my list. 

I logged for 40 Minutes one night and went to a Jimmy Buffett concert with my sim owner, a kind, sweet woman who has a SL/RL love whom is her life.  She took over my sim almost 2 years ago, I was scared at first but she has been such a good friend, even when I am logging once a month and a few days late to pay tier…. Thank You Midi!

So one of my best friend in Second Life Enn showed me a program to do Photos, I love pictures, but suck at taking them, But I finally redid My Profile Picture

		Dylana Profile VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

As I was taking these yet another old friend contacted me, I have them In my profile, so I said, Hey, come by and we will take an updated shot, Shockingly they did…. These are the pics I got from that shoot

		Dylana and Trolo VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

Let me say I REALLY appreciate them NOT wearing their hot Pink pants… Ha ha

So here is Meh, the new No old, Well  semi-retired avatar that was once a fixture in secondlife for way to many hours to fathom.  Its good to be back on even if just a little, I missed you guys!

Changing your name in Secondlife

 

Now I am not one to point out blame, Ever,  I could yes, But,  I do have better things to do than A. Apparently Log into Secondlife and B Piss random people off because they assume I am speaking about them, and C Try to Remember that their name is now  **^^**()(Sn00K3 K1tT7)()**^^**.

I think some if the social interaction in SL is gone because we were given the “Powers” to make our name,  Yes,  We wanted this,  I mean if you logged in and spent 40K on an avatar, but named yourself say, Rubberballer or SlutForHire after a while the name may get old.

I see it as a masquerade party with name tag on really,  You can see them on your list, But Wait, Keep reading cause they are not who that appear to be.  I think Ill change mine to like Eddie.  I have lost friends in my 220 friends because they changed their name to something that resembled another that I had not talked to and so then the communication communication.  We are still friends but never chat anymore.  At one time someone told me to change my Name to something that was A-J cause that’s all they could see…..They were to lazy to scroll down apparently to look for me.  Umm Yeah, Ill do that.  I am now looking into names from P-Z  any suggestions? 

So this blog whats it about?  Eh, Im not really sure honestly  Just random thoughts and a monster energy that is keeping me going.  

From EA With Hugs–Meeting your online equivalent

 

It started so long ago, I cannot even  remember how it began, Besides a Smart assed comment on my page.  Childish bantering and a few Flirtations.  It was Social Media at its best.  It ended up being someone, I am blessed to know, One who I can talk to and one whom always has a piece of my heart.   As October approached I knew the day would come,  the day we would meet in person.  He is silly, able to take my shit,  caring and most certainly someone I was destined to meet.  Our shared Birthday, Our personality traits that mirror each others, and our sense of humor fit like the last puzzle piece in a 1000 piece jumbled mess we call our Life. 

I had already met one person online before, Granted it was a bit different,  He was younger, scared of me, Well Ok, NOT scared but he definitely nervous. It was a 20 Minute meeting and very nerve racking I think on both our parts, but I'm sure given a few hours we would have relaxed a bit more.  I Ill talk, laugh and have a good time, I may not be the Sultry avatar I portrayed in secondlife, But I can hold my own. 

Dragging my ass out of bed at 4:30 AM was not easy… No, not so much, and my hair apparently was going to follow suit as the curlers dropped so did my hair, it was a failed attempt at such an early hour, but the thought was there.  After Dropping lil one off at school and realizing he had forgot his Backpack, It was pretty apparent I was going to have a Long day.  My plan was to be there at Noon then back on the road By 4 or 5.  Being blind has its disadvantages when driving at Night,  Especially when street signs are needed.  after an hour on the road, I stopped by a gas station and grabbed 2 more monsters,  I live on those, they are my energy… after munching on a few bites of a Sausage McMuffin, I was back on the road.  I cannot remember where I was when I stopped Next,  It was a Rest stop, probably 3 hours into the Grueling monotony  that Ohio calls roads,  It was actually rather Quaint,  the 2 lane highway, the small spotted towns that were gone just as I saw them coming,  the Random big box store sign, a Church I swear was bigger than the town I lived In set back so far that they had fountains that were 3 or 4 stories tall sprouting up out of the ground and Being a draw for anyone driving by. 

He was to wake up by 1 AM, He had a 5:40 flight to be there in time for our lunch date, he was up at Midnight fearing he would be late, Which he was but only by a few minutes.  He apparently was getting nervous,  He had texted me a few times, and I for the most part was sleeping in a beautiful ambien haze.  He got to his plane fine, and the layover was no issue except they had to delay the flight he was going to for them to board.  Just a few hours away from the great Northern Buckeyes state (Sneers).   I think the first thing he did when he was able to use his phone again was text me,  I was on the road, Just over 3 hours now, My contacts were a bit pissed from staring at the concrete, But I had Enrique englasis to keep me happy and awake, Not to forget the 3 monsters I had consumed, I think I was only on 2 at that point though.

The real fun did not begin until I got to Columbus, there was so many one way streets, So many people pilfering through the streets and oh yeah, It’s the home to the buckeyes… as I drive through town with a U of M Bag full of misc stuff I had picked up to show some Michigan love to the Texan that waited for me at the radisson in the lobby.  After a few failed attempts to gain entry into the parking garage I finally mastered the turn into the correct drive and found a spot, I was pretty happy with myself at this point.  I walked out of the parking garage and grabbed my phone,  walking up the path that said *Not a Foot Path*  I made my way up used to breaking the rules.

He on the other hand had his own issues besides parking, His phone was dying and he had no room to stay in yet, So he was hanging in the lobby charging his phone with way to many last minute details on his mind *Laughs*  When I phoned him, He did sound nervous but happy, Just happy I was a few hundred feet away.  When you meet for the first time, your scared no matter what,  Will they like me, Do I look as good as my pictures?  Am I to fat? Short?  Boring? Gawd at this point Semi Likable would have been a bonus. 

“Are you ready?” I joked

“As ready as I’ll ever be” He joked back

“You Nervous?”

“Yeah, but that soon will pass” I laughed and we hung up. 

The hotel was bustling with people there for the conference, there was 4 there that weekend.  He sat there by a table charging his phone, without a room yet he was a bit homeless but hopeful. After exchanging hugs and some small chit chat for a few It was close to 1 by that time, due to my inability to understand the buckeye way of road segmentation and why the majority of roads were one way all going the same way….  Never said I was a road scholar. 

We headed up to the hotel bar, the first thing he said to me was

“I didn’t think you would be so tall”  Smirks… I am 5’5 1/2 (I'm NOT giving Up my Half Inch LOL)  with additional 3 Inch heels, Which the heels would get old after a while, Believe me. 

He on the other hand was surprised that I was cool, I fit my personality to a T, and he thought I made a good Impression, The things he said I cannot type out because it would make me blush and feel like I was Promoting myself, which is not in my character.  The bottom line was, I am who I say I am, and I do not differ much in person.

First round of drinks were nice,  we were going to eat but time somehow passed way to quick,  and even in person he took my shit about his brand new laptop that still was so simpleton it would not run a low graphic version of secondlife.  In reality it did what he wanted to do,  which was not gaming but his business, I cannot imagine having a computer and being limited but then, I am a old gamer even though my monitor has not seen any thing graphics intensive in months. 

I bought the second round of drinks, Its my nature to always be 50/50,  He was kind of surprised, and I told him, Your buying food, Let me buy you a pop/Soda whatever you call it in your state.  In Michigan it is a pop.. But most places use this soda term which reminds me of the olden days and soda fountains. 

Being me, and used to just taking over, whatever the situation, I was able to get him a room at the hotel for a night, but not the 2 needed, but put him on a waiting list for cancelations, in the mass confusion of being homeless etc, I was happy he had a place to sleep for the night, the room was a corner suite, windows all around, Big screen TV and the comforter was heavenly looking.  He was surprised I just started calling the hotel, got his the room and took charge.. Umm Yeah that just me, If its gonna get done it can’t be done without trying.

Amazing how things change so fast,  I had just grabbed the menu and plopped down on the bed giving my feet a rest when he got a call, another room for 2 nights was available so off to the lobby we went, I met some of his friends that were there,  He had told them he was hanging “Solo” to meet some girl (Smirks) and they all seemed very nice, But then everything was done quickly, I did not talk a lot to them, just exchanged a few hand shakes etc.  He grabbed the key and got a refund for the first room… Ill miss that Huge white cloud looking comforter with Over sized pillows…  Sighs.   The next room was across the street, it was a room with 2 beds.  As long as I could fall down on one of them I was completely fine. It was a  a short walk if you know where your going, Longer if you don’t… *Laughs*  His luggage in tow we headed over to the next place, this is around where the 3 inch heels were no longer attractive to my feet, Yeah… I helped him get his stuff settled in,  Grabbed his dying android and tossed it on the charger,  I had kept mine off a lot knowing the battery life is less than a Kim Kardashian  marriage.  Then fell out on the bed letting my feet get  a break.

Undecided where to eat now, we settled on room service,  Max and Ermas delivers… Yay!   We feasted over Greasy food  and Ice tea for me (I was not looking forward to the Long drive home) for another hour,  chatting away till I saw the time, it was officially late, after 7.  It was already getting dark…. I was shocked, how the hell am I going to find my way home.  Well not home but to the highway. 

All in all it was a fantastic time,  the conversation never stopped,  we lounged in the room, being silly and sweet.  Hugs and Kisses were exchanged and we held onto the moment knowing it was to be over almost as soon as it started.   I think he found I may be chatty but I'm still shy at times, and he, well he was the perfect gentleman, even offered to buy me a Monster or two for the road. 

He walked me to the lobby and I started for the doors,  after about 20 steps I turned,  I watched him go to the elevators, He did not look back. I smiled.  He on the other hand did not think I would look back, after a hug and a kiss, he headed back to the elevator, with a huge smile on his face, Bigger than he though he remarked because the girl at the check in counter watched him and smiled right back at him.  He said if he would have known I was going to stop and watch him leave, He would have come back to get me.  His conference was crazy that night, he sent me pictures, of the auditorium, and we chatted after I finally got home.  He texted me throughout the conference, saying way to many sweet things, ones I doubt I deserve, but was happy to hear that from someone who shares the same birthday, has the same sporadic attention defect disorder and has the patience of  a cabbie in New York.  All in all, as he said the nervousness will soon pass and it did, after over 6 hours it was like I was leaving someone I had known forever, I was sad to go but knew my ride was another 4 and a half hours of darkness and cops who HATE Michigan drivers.

I would do it again and have my chance again in January when he is back. 

Gracias   

mi príncipe azul

hasta la próxima vez