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July 31, 2011

Sickness Causes Change in Judgement


What is it about a song, You do not understand, But you can completely understand by the tone, the context and the feelings poured into it,   Enrique has a song for every feeling I have, Dirty, Fun, sweet, sad, Down right depressed, He has written them, Oh I forgot Love.. Mmm He is wonderful at those.  He writes from the heart, and pulls  our heart strings with his compassion and his love for music and getting his message, It is why I can listen to all his songs, Regardless of whether I can follow the lyrics,  It is still a piece of art.

Today, Well I am still sick,  With what, I hear through Medical assistance, a Virus caused by the heat, a cross of dehydration and a Virus your susceptible after a while.. Sighs.. I  feel Like total shit, But that is besides the point,  Really I think Being weak Physically, has allowed me to be weak emotionally, which has made me put my guard back up to full throttle.  I have to… Just  how I am.  Love Me, Hate Me.. No difference, Everyone has their spot and I am happy with which ever choice you make.  So for now, I will crawl under the blankies, Sip my gator aid, and then when I am strong enough, I will deal with the rest… Health and happiness to all



Can you see right through me, Can you see my heart strings tangled inside,

Can you feel the twinges In my chest, as we go along the ride,

Is there a opening, I forgot to lock up tight?

Is there a forgotten word, that can make everything all right?

No, It is my choice, but I will going to be okay,

I will move one step forward, and begin another day,

I forgive you you for all the things you said, and those you did not mean,

I give you your comfort and all your time back, But yes, We made a good team

I want you to have what you want, and I know it is not me,

Our small time together calculated into a virtual eternity,

So please just walk away,  I cannot take much anymore,

I am finding all my locks, and closing off that door,

Given time and space, I know that In the end,

We will remain always, If nothing, Just a friend.

July 28, 2011


Before Freeways and highways, Yes there was such a simple time, where the Big roads were two lanes, paved, and winding through our states in a weaved pattern depending on the landscape. Back in the day, my grand parents found a haven in the upper peninsula, it was pure clean fishing lakes, miles of tree lined roads and it was a 12 hour drive back then. My grand mother would head up and spend the summer up there and wait for my grandpa to arrive very late Friday, only to turn around an leave Sunday again. At some point, My grandpa decided we needed a jeep, One to take in the woods, for hunting, fishing and just diving into the 2 tracks that called. My Grandpa bought a Jeep, 1965 CJ4 off the line here in Detroit, The top speed he could go was 45MPH the whole way, on a 2 lane road, One north, one south. He sat in that jeep for well over 12 hours, not stopping at a motel, just driving to his destination. It was then, the CJ4 was parked in a new, wood built sided 1 car garage at the bottom of the hill. When I was born it was that jeep I grew up with, It was in the back I sat going down the 2 tracks and watching the nature burst around me. It was in that jeep I knew, I would one day learn to dive a stick shift, so I to could drive it through the woods, Going where only a small ATV could go. 4 Wheel drive? It had it, You have to hop out, and change each wheel on your own, one at a time, Lets hope the mud is Not to deep, But yes, this jeep is 4WD. The last 20 years have been hard on the jeep, It is an antique now, Has antique plates and to have it fixed is not only costly but, down right Remortgaging the house.

My Brother who works at the Big 3, took it upon himself to “Update” the jeep, a Towing apparatus on the front, New cloth seats, a CB radio and stereo inside……I was Not please. I liked the Hard plastic green seats siting on the side in the back siting on the hard cushions buttoned down to the metal, I liked the fact it was “Roughing it”. I am the baby, I had no say, and his 20 years on me was not going to go back to what simplicity I wanted. In my heart, it is still my grandpas jeep, the one my grandpa drove up north, the one that I used to spend hours with him in, trailing into town, living out the small American dream. It is in that jeep, I can still feel him with me, His kind heart smiling down at me, telling me to enjoy the ride, the ride of life, and to make each moment my own.

For now, My Cj4 needs brakes, a tune up and probably a few spark plugs. You can imagine brakes are a pretty big deal, not like they are making those brakes anymore. There is a leak in the oil pan and well, For right now, it is not drivable. I will sit in the garage, In my jeep, close my eyes my hand on the Tallest Stick shift. It still makes me smile to know where I am is where my grand pa would also be, if he was here today. I am a girl, and I love my jeep, more than any brand new fast car out there.

Some flower pictures

Cottage pictures

July 27, 2011

My art


It was My picture Till my son made it a hotel ....note the tvs and remote control holders all over

The sky during a storm

The sky was black at the cottage, the sounds of rolling thunder was crashing against the tiny cottage, and the lightening was prominent even through the trees, so here I am on the dock, trying to get a Picture, 50 shots later,m and a 3 second delay on my phone, I got one, Only one shot but it is beautiful none the less, it was a great night to sleep and an even better Night to watch the sky


Dilapidated building

driving downtown, just past the water tower is a sign, it is the picture of a boat landing, I take the turn, down, past the jail, and then hit a gravel road, it is a 2 track, i am not sure I am sposed to be on , but, Umm do I care? No I Do not... I come across this building, Bursting with trees growing out of it, it is a Beautiful sunny day with Bright blue skies with this halfway fallen , Once majestic building before Me, I had to take some Pictures, It saddened me to not know what it was before, I had never been here, It was on the slope of a hill, with trees growing some 20 feet below in the back, I will go back again next year now.

Sea shell city

I used to go here as a Child, it was every 5 or so years we would go, it was a big tin framed building and full of touristy stuff. Now it is a Prefab building, 4 times the size with the Pirate ship for the kids, and even more reason to stop for my son. He love playing on it, as I don't hate going down the slide ether

July 26, 2011

What the Hell am I talking about………


I, as a human (well Most people see me that way) am a single mother of the sweetest boy.  I am a Popsicle technician, a Toy maintenance worker, a Life guard at the pool and a Super Hero……. It gets Old sometimes, I just need a break, that is when I blog, or  got into my little get away, Secondlife

If you have ever read any of my blogs, You are probably wondering WTH I am talking about, I realize there is many of you out there that have NO clue what I am talking about and think I am crazy for some of the shit I write…

Secondlife is Like a cross between Real life, and a Virtual Fantasy you make for your Avatar.  You can dolindsay 72611_001 anything in secondlife, fly, swim, dance, shop, and Well the occasional Real Life couple emerges out of the wood works.  I am writing this because I received am email the other day asking about WTH I was talking about,  I giggled in RL (Real Life) and wrote back, they asked for more Info , I sent them to the website and Bam, I am here 2 days later, they are a full Fledged Secondlife Resident with a Great looking avatar. 

Secondlife is whatever the person building the place wants it to be, a Hang out, a club, a Home, a Garden a Mountain, a ski resort, a Skate Park, a Football stadium, anything you can think of, It is probably here.   I Personally Love to  chat to people, BAM Secondlife has 40k+ online Most of the time.  I love Music, BAM I can Listen, Stream and DJ whenever I want, I Love to create, BAM  I can build my own house, and furniture,  I have Virtual Pets and a TV at my home, I can watch Movies, You tube any thing My heart desires, and Type to or voice at any time.  It is a wonderful get away,

lin and tommy 1The limits in Secondlife are only your Imagination,  it is possible to have EVERYTHING you want here, I have friends who at married or have Sig Others, Own clubs, Live out fantasies and just enjoy the knowledge that they have made it their own. 

Like all Virtual worlds there is a dark side, But it is what you make it,  I listen to Music, play with my pets and talk to random friends who are around,  It is My “Vacation” from Real Life. 



Many Hugs and see you on the grid!

July 24, 2011

A Defense Strategy and Open Relationships

The last few days I have been exploring a lot of minds, 3 in fact, on their views on love, sex and relationships in secondlife.  I am really close to all of these people and I know none are going to bullshit me and tell me what I want to hear, Because My opinions are far from theirs. 

The First I talked to was a Sim owner, a sexual prowler who is into Gorean lifestyles and Dominating their prey.  By force and pleasure they that what they want and then pass the girl on or maybe keep her till a new flavor comes along.

The second, yet another Sim Owner who needs to not feel as if they are classified by titles, One who wants their cake, but to  stop by a different bakery when more convenient or maybe more satisfying.. One that may use uber discretion, but only because they refuse to devote their secondlife to one person.  It is easy to keep things secret when  no one knows to begin with

and Finally #3

A guy into BDSM, a Master who does believe in love, and faithfulness, but who has choose a open relationship that is so they can both find love, sex, fulfillment in other places  when they want. He says BDSM is about Trust and not manipulation or domination, and that it is a fully committed relationship besides the fact they frolic amongst with others.

6 hours and Many Emotes later, I have  gotten to the point where me and the gorean are being completely honest, I called Him Boy, He did not like that so much, I did.. I told him,  life to me may not always be equal but it is give and take, and In the gorean lifestyle, it is take all and give when it is benefiting you. We talked for, well as stated, 6 hours, past relationships, Long distance affairs, and being totally blown away by some peoples actions.  Once again I called him boy.. NOT a term used to a gorean slave master, that is  not cool, Or in gorean terms acceptable, But I am not gorean, I am his friend, and I am not out to win a prize, steal his heart, I am here to dig into his knowledge and find out what I can learn.   He after some banter and horseplay finally divulged to me that he was  a dominating person in RL,  He had a twisted look at sex and the Kinkier the better, the more people the better, the odder the moment the better.   He is not out for love, or even a connection, He is out for the moment with any unsuspecting slave he can grab or on his Main Avi a FWB (Friend with Benefits)  he can get to satisfy the late nights of Secondlife.  He is a master of emotes as We traded a few to show our unique writing skills, and both, although dominating, were equally as good as the other.  He has a few slaves, of which he plays with openly, but that is the nature of his choice, it is like the polygamy of secondlife.  After chatting for so many hours,  I knew him enough to know our differences were although at ether side of the spectrum, were respected,  I knew I was not going to make him into Prince charming and he was NOT going to collar me and sell me off at a sim auction, That and I still called him boy… (Smirks).  At the end of the night it was 4 AM, we were both very tired and needed to get some sleep, but the honesty was refreshing, and he then laid one more golden moment on me.  I will be the only girl in Secondlife he would allow to call him boy….. As if without his permission I was going to stop…..

My opinion is this, he has set his expectations low for a reason, So they are not intrusive of his playing around so  he is technically not hurting anyone with so many partners since it is the nature of his lifestyle, .  As much as I may disagree with the lifestyle as a whole, I cannot fault him for being completely honest and just enjoying his secondlife out in the way he saw fit his needs, and there is not emotions attached since he does not stay with anyone for long periods of time. I believe that one day he will meet his match and she will become his FC (Free Companion) or FW (Free Wife) and that emotions will get stirred, but there is only time to tell that.  He may be strong willed, but everyone has one thing in common, we all fall for love at some point.

Next we have the 2nd Sim owner with benefits.  Probably the smartest of all of them only because they have a no strings policy, and there is not a single mention or  bond anywhere to be seen.  He is able to do  anything at anytime, without a single person knowing.  traveling through their Secondlife with no intentions of ever being titled, claimed or partnered.  They  claimed to have feelings for certain people,  but that it was between them and that person, no one else needed to know.  Also that they were able to  do as and be with anyone they pleased,  even if they usually ended up back with the same person at some point.  Talking to him is like talking to someone at a fully paid day at an amusement park, You want to hit every ride and then keep going back to your favorite because, well why not, It is all paid for, each ride has its perks, and they are all fun,  He has no hang ups on having bonds with people and  still not claiming them.  It is as simplistic as a temporary tattoo it washes off after a while and forgotten.  For this is what makes him tick, knowing if someone does get hurt, the rules were laid out properly, and not promises made, he has no intentions of hurting anyone, including himself.

He has the world in his opinion, it is so simple and sweet with no strings, titles nor definitions of any one which relationship attached and yet he does have strings.  True it is as platonic as it can get, but having any type of bond with someone will cause some type of expectations on ether side of the spectrum.  If those expectations are not met, they will be found else where and that emotional bond will eventually become an anchor or a broken heart.  The structure is set up  purely as a way of getting around not being committed to anyone person so guilt is never an issue but happiness is.  I believe his Best of Intentions will backfire eventually, that the No expectations with a emotional bond will bring him to the realization that sometimes when everything seems so simple, it only muddies the water, leaving you searching for a cleaner cut model, it is then that the simple rules that have been placed for a drama free, no committal relationship becomes the very same reason those bonds become the thing that hurts you in the end.  It is human nature to succeed, If you are playing a game to win, and it is fun to play, but you know that in the end, the game is rigged so there is no chances of a prize, eventually the game is going to get old and you will find a new game to up your chances that you can at least get a big stuffed bear from and snuggle with.

The BDSM Slave Owner shockingly the most emotional of them all, he is genuine about his emotions and he is very attached to  his significant other.  He is completely fine with her infidelities, except they are not infidelities since that is  part of the structure in their relationship.  If both of them are on, they are together, If not, they play.with whomever they please.they are not partnered due to the nature of their relationship, But they are prominent in each profile along with a general waiver of free to play.  It is a open relationship of Love, trust and well, sex with others, He says that BDSM is more of a trust and bond, than any other relationship, and that a master slave relationship is a very beautiful thing.  That as a slave it does not make you less, It makes you more.  When you give yourself to a master it is out of love and trust to the fullest. I know both of them and they seem very happy for the moment.

Okay, Maybe I don’t get the BDSM thing, I don’t want someone telling me what to do all the time, nor do I want to tell someone what to do, But going onto the other end of the Master slave trader spectrum, I am sure there is people who want to be dominated, told what to do and to like it.  I know that all BDSM is not Whips and chains,  nor is it bruising and pain, but it still does not give me Incentive to sign up for a master tomorrow and call it a day on having an opinion.  I truly believe he is an exception to the rule, as far as emotions go and how he and her communicate, which is get “Me” and want       50/50.  Although not partnered they are one as a couple, and very open about it, when they play, they play as a different avatar and go back to one another when they log in.  their expectations are only that, they be together when possible and  to enjoy when the other is not there. I think if any of these will not fail it is this one, it has complete honesty to it, and  playing, and titles and emotions.  It is a new way of the old standard, Minus the  drama, which I know they still have, because , well they are Human. 

Now to me, the Anti sex girl who was at one time fully committed to a RL/SL guy,  who remained faithful and well near the end treated like a gorean slave at a slave traders auction.  I still believe there is one person out there, one who actually want to claim me for their own.  My expectations are not high, But they are not of the open relationship, FWB, Master slave type.  I am the  cookie cut out, sweetheart, who all love to try to get, but I run to quickly, it is a defense mechanism, I call sanity. I keep everyone at arms length, I may let you in for an hour, but that doors closes quickly after, and then it has to be unlocked again,  I was once told “You are the most beautiful protected wall covered in amazing paintings", If only you would let me see the other side”.  Very few see my other side, I only let them in for a bit then I pull away.  I do this for my own sanity, So I to am not in the line of fire.  I have saved friendships, and relationships this way, It is common for people to cling to one person, we all do, but it is another to put all your eggs in a basket that is not your for the taking..  I am the last to say I love you, and the hardest to get for other things, Minus the collar, plus the passion. I don’t jump first and ask later,  I call it as I see it, and  I may seem open, but really tomorrow I will be a closed book again.  Men as a whole, at  least in my experience don’t want the leachy girl, Nor do they want to be  bombarded with BS.  I stay until it is no longer beneficial for me or I see the forest through the trees,  the outcome of a broken heart, then I walk before it happens,  I use my poetry to get out whatever feelings I have, and let them not interfere with my decisions that sometimes can be hard if clouded with all the love crap.  Love by definition is a value put on another Person or object that makes them or it far out weigh any other options or feelings you have ever been given.  I was told last night guys like the “Idea of me”  I am apparently an Idea now.  But then he went on to explain, I am the one that is out of reach mostly to all,  I am single and carefree, and my painted wall is not bad to look at, Ok I  added the wall part in there, he said it differently, 

So I will sit and wait patiently for Prince charming, Knowing that it will be more like Shrek showing up and I will be patient.  it is all you can do in days where people are so busy rewriting the rules to fit to their own needs, as I have done mine. Mine are no less important, but just maybe I need different friends to hang with… Laughs……..

Signed Off,

Friend To many, Love Of None

July 23, 2011

Fridays Rock!

What an evening! I just spent 6 Hours with a friend, We have so many differences, and yet we respect them.  We talked , laughed and chilled,  I showed him 2 of my places in SL amd well, I Just had a good time.  It is so nice to have friend who you can  share anything with,  let it Just be and go with where ever it takes You,  I have to sleep now It is 4:30 AM,  But for all those  who are actually up, Umm have some coffee I need to sleep now, I am up WAY to late, Hugs and take care.

Fridays Rock!

What an evening! I just spent 6 Hours with a friend, We have so many differences, and yet we respect them.  We talked , laughed and chilled,  I showed him 2 of my places in SL amd well, I Just had a good time.  It is so nice to have friend who you can  share anything with,  let it Just be and go with where ever it takes You,  I have to sleep now It is 4:30 AM,  But for all those  who are actually up, Umm have some coffee I need to sleep now, I am up WAY to late, Hugs and take care.


July 21, 2011

Up North

I am up North at my family cottage,  I can remember counting the days to come up here, spending 2 blissful months at the cottage with my grand parents and crying when I had to home. Up north is a few steps back in time nothing much changes, all the same stores all the same people it is at its best a well kept secret that many of us grew up with,

Once I would hit the mackinaw bridge I  would get giddy, once we hit Manistique I would be jumping off the seat and then there was the road to redemption. A 2 lane road winding sown over a mile to the tesort community that was nestled just before the 2 track to our cottage. When we would hit the first bend my mom would start ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG, then the Next Zaaaaaaag and on and on till we had hit the row of cottages and homes against the lake. at the resort end it is where a small private road started, just past the swing set and cabin 5 and 6.  It was sand filled and when I was growing up locked by a gate that our next door neighbors had Installed with a Big KEEP OUT sign,  we could turn the engine off and roll all the way down the hill to the cottage, and park next to the garage that .was barely fitting a 1965 CJ4 Jeep that my grandpa had bought off the line in Detroit and drove all the way up north going 45 miles per hour.  Inside was luxury compared to the standards of the rentals.  We had a full kitchen, Bath, Living room, Dining room and 2 bedrooms with a Long screened in porch that over looked a lake much like you see in the movie “On Golden Pond” with Henry Fonda.  At night there was bon fires and S Mpres and by day  kids swimming at the beach,a trail lead the way all around the lake, my lake was the best because we had an Island, it was  just outside my cottage a quit trip in the canoe.  As a child this place was magical the cottage had a moth ball smell, I loved it.  Once you opened the door, to the kitchen it was an aroma you never quite forget.

There was always some family coming in with kids to play with, Show them them the finer things, and a  Picnic every 2 weeks at the resort.  Most of the time I bathed in the lake (Ivory is the only soap that floats) and my goal in life was to swim to the flags.  The flags was a Big cement block about 40 feet from shore, In order to go out to the flags where it was 9 feet deep I had to swim to the Island and back to prove I was a strong enough swimmer, Which I did at age 9.  I would run  down  to see the neighbors and fish off the docks, catch milnnows for my grandpa and dig for worns for him to trout fish with.

In town we would go to Lake Michigan, do laundry at King Koin and be a local summer resident.    We ate at Jax for lunch and Sunny shores for breakfast because that is just what you did.  I grew up with a free rein at the cottage, knowing every summer was filled with sun, water and new and old friends that were returning. 

As I grew up it started to change, I became more reclusive, and would go to Octopus point (named after a tree that fell down and had its roots stretched out like an octopus) and write in my journal, thoughts hopes and poetry.  I had my first kiss playing poker with Andy, whom I had known for 10 summers. We had feasted On Spaghettos,  Played House, and fished together all those years.  That was the last year Andy and I got to hang out, The resort was sold off piece by piece and some friends bought a few of the cottages, But most did not have enough time to spend up here to warrant buying one.  the tiny cottages were a steal, but they gave little comfort and most have been rebuilt, Bedrooms and kitchens remodeled and the outside painted or re-sided.  Downtown has changed to,  all the places I mentioned have closed, and a few new places have popped up like a Pamida and a Family Dollar.  I used to come up for the 4th of July,  and due to the whole family being up here I would get a room in town at the Harbor Inn.  It was a Little motel just at the edge of town, back in the day when family squabbles were not an issue.  I was the baby, so I kept quiet mostly.  I had a room for me and my cat and who ever came up with me that year.  there was a big crack outside of the rooms in the parking lot that my Brother in law renamed a Babbling brook due to rain one day. The owner hated cats, but still wanted My money enough to let me stay.  It was 4 days of Family outings, Picnics, Golf and swimming, not to forget drinking and S mores for all.  But that to has changed.

The last few years, I have become a chauffer, a care taker and a craft Technician.  I am Building things with popsicle sticks, Swimming with my son and doing chemo treatments for my mom.  I am cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, and picking up the cottage as if I had company coming over any minute.  I am stuck in the world of yesterday, Where at the bridge, My Brand new Adroid Died and lost all signal and the DISH system my Brother gets leaves me bored and craving a internet connection, So much that It hopefully will be here tomorrow.  I Broke and I called to have it installed, at the cottage that did not even have electric in it when It was Built, will have DSL in 24 hours.  I cannot cope, I miss people, I truly do and being the End all of everything, I need a break, I need to attempt to keep my EA score up or at least back up, and I need to talk to, Well , Him. 

I have not been able to get out a single Poem, Nothing worth blogging about, I cannot focus, I do not care, I am just to stressed to even think about it.  writing poetry  takes emotion and compassion, I have none right now, I am just empty, Tired and in need of a break from everyone.  I have a feeling that once I am back, I will have already lost, I will have nothing to come back to, But I guess I am willing to try at least.  So tomorrow when I can connect the first thing I am going to do is post this Blog,  If I can get on the Wifi from my phone I will even add Pictures. But for now it is late, My ambiean is kicking in and I have to sleep, Till tomorrow when my popsicle house needs to be set, and when my son is ready to swim when there is breakfast dishes to do and then my moms 2 chemo treatments a day, Sometime in there I will have a connection, Slow at best, but enough to get email, IMs and Empire avenue..  Good night to you all, Hugs

July 12, 2011

Bad Habits


I’m a good Girl with a lot of Bad Habits……….

Good Moring! who made the coffee?  My pepsi is not cutting it right now … Anyway I was thinking about patterns, they are everywhere, and they are what we call habit,  once something is a habit, it is had to break, because we, Simply put, it has become a habit.  I have a few habits I need to break, and chance are WILL on my vacation, but that does not take into account I will have withdrawals to.  Last year I went up north, it was for 17 days, it was a LONG vacation, But I was not working and so it was feasible, but day4 or 5 I had a twitch in my eye from lack of internet.  By the 8th or 9th day, I would sit in my chair (this was a chair that had to be within 1 inch of the original position to get weak signal on my blackberry) and look out at the Woods and see bars holding me back from my Real life,  the one I lived on the Internet, chatting to friends,  bantering, and listening to music.  That chair was moved once….. I sat down in it and it took me an hour to find My signal again….. It was not moved again, EVER.  I am happy people learned the first time to cope with my slight addiction to the internet 

While I was Up North (anyplace that is north of you in Michigan is known as “Up North”)  I also had My lap top, Which I do plan on bringing with me this year to write Poetry, Blogs etc for when I am back to post,  But I also had a “In” 2 friends up there DID have Internet. One owned a bar and the other Lived across the lake. Thank you god for friends with Bennies ha ha, So I was able to squeeze in some time online on occasion.

Last year I was actually quite attached to someone,  and for the first week, they were always waiting on skype for me at night so we could chat a bit while I sat In my chair, in the middle of the woods, and get updates on things going on.  after that Initial 7 days, the shiny wore off, I was disconnected from so many things, all I could hear was wind, the sound of random wild life walking through the woods and the screams In my head that were getting pretty Violent if you ask me.  I was next to miserable, It is like taking crack cocaine away from a Fein and then when you finally get back, the dealer has left town………I am not saying being  addicted to the Internet, Games, or anything for that matter is healthy, It is Not, But this is my release, it is my place to unwind, it is my well for all purposes it is my second life.  I live it out in text, writing blogs and In IMs, chatting on skype and updating my facebook,Flickr and Liking videos on Youtube, Add Empire avenue and you have a well rounded me.

It is almost that time again, this year I knocked off 6 days, I am down to 11 away from home, In the woods,htc-evo-4g_pdi with nothing but me and My chair, and Hopefully a weak connection, since as of yesterday I Upgraded my phone to the HTC EVO (It went on sale for 99 dollars, I mean really how can you say NO). So I am sure that by day 4 I am going to be in hyper bitch mode, but covering it up for my sons sake….. again.

The difference this year is I have Noone that I am really connected to, at least like I was last year, and noone feels the need to talk to me Everyday,  Noone has promised me the moon and stars, only to end up using them to pelt me and leave scars later.  I am alone, I am a individual with many friends, but noone to tether me to my chair. I am in the wonderful world Of singledom. 

SingleBeing single does Not mean I have no life, it only means I have more choices, It gives me the unlimited time to do whatever I want, But it does come with one drawback  and that is being alone.  When someone is with you, You have constant knowledge that someone's there.  That is the benefit for having someone, is your Never alone, even when they are not there, they are in you thoughts, your mind and your heart.  It is something that I do miss, but something I can most certainly live without for the pure reason that I usually get screwed in the end regardless how wonderful they seem to begin with.

The last few days I have spent with a friend who has been through a lot lately, emotionally he is pretty tore up.  Last night, I was up late because I did not even notice the time, and he apologized knowing I had stated when I needed to leave and , Well it was past that time… But ultimately he needed a friend, someone with no baggage, and someone who could take his mind of all the crap that has Piled  up on him over the last few weeks.  My one good trait, I am the perfect Get a way, I can make you forgot even if just for a few hours, But at the same time, I am the one who gets tagged as the Future for them… It is because they share,  they  feel safe and well, I listen, I comprehend, and I say witty things to make them smile even when they don’t want to.  So I come across as the perfect friend with benefits. 

I am not saying I am not the perfect friend, Well No, No one really is, but between my personality, caring nature and sweet temperament, they do see their “Options”.   Once you start spending time with a Person, it becomes habit, and habits become addiction, and out of addiction it becomes an emotional roller coaster of good and bad,  I of course left this out of our conversation last night,  due to his fragile state, No need to add to his already messed up Psyche. 

Bottom Line is, Breaking habits is easier if you don’t start them, but then some habits are Healthy,  I personally need to eat more whole grain (Laughs) and the one habit I will never give up, Ok 2, because  I am just to damn hard headed is my internet and people,.  No I may not have anyone, but that does not mean, I have NOONE, it just means I have not chosen to  be attached,  I have plenty of people  who, If I choose to, would spend every waking moment with me .  I am the type to see where things lead, instead of jump in No need to rush,  Just go with it  , Last Night I was given a beautiful gift, one that I will cherish always, It still means the same, regardless of the status of our relationship.  It is the thought that counts, and well, he was definitely making a statement , which I adore him for.   As far as where it will lead, Well, I will let time tell me who wins in the end, and being gone for 11 days usually weeds out the Bull shit.

As I gear up to go up north, I have the lets see where things go, usually after an absence, people change, they tend to move on and no longer need you, but one thing that will Not change,  MY Habits,  My Need for the Internet, my drug of choice, which come in a few  different speeds. My connection to all the people I care about, and  the way I can share My poetry, My thoughts and Well My Bitches,,, and thank you to those last year that filled my nights with a Virtual Hug, a long email, or an hour chatting in IM about everything and Nothing, and Also thank you in advance to those that  feel the need to keep in touch, the ones that stand by me, and don’t let me go crazy in my wooded jungle of no internet connections and A Lot of Bugs.


July 10, 2011


Tomm and Lindsay

Taken By Raquella Lexington - I cannot wait to get these on my PC, Girl you got talent!

This night was a high and low for me, Eh it happens, and the shoot almost didn't happen, Granted I had someone else to take pictures with whom I will be doing friends shots with later, BUT I am so amazed at how they cam out, each and every one is perfect in its own way, My Page will be changing as soon as I get my new profile picture, I will be changing the Logo and colors of the Blog to match. Thanks Raq and Smoke for a fun time that night, and making us stay up there for an extra hour after you were done (We didn't mind), I am happy to have new friends who are so damn cool.

tomm and linds

I Love the Simplicity of the black and white


This will be my new Profile picture in secondlife

July 9, 2011

The 6 Degrees of Something

I love to write, It is a hobby, a Habit, maybe even an obsession,  It have turned to it since I was young to pour out my feelings that I cannot express, as I listen to  emo music and get clarity into my life.  It is Something I have always done, and usually by the end of a poem or blog I have learned something new about myself.  .The 6 Degrees of something, Like the six Degrees of Kevin Bacon,  Everything has a link to something else, it is just finding your way through the maze of life to get there. All of the above has Nothing and everything to do with this blog… Why  because I just wrote it out, and somehow it all links back to me.

s_specialThe other day I was told by a friend we had “Something special” … Really?  Something, it is a Blanket statement, it is pretty lenient as far as WHAT was special, it was a great attempt to explain “something” that you cannot describe nor are you willing to  figure out.  So I told them, That will Be my Next blog, On Something

What is Something? It is Definitely not nothing,  since SOME is more than None, so if you were to put a number to it, it would have to be higher than zero,  It is less that VERY so it cannot be a lot, but an upgrade compared to nothing or zilch or nada.

The Definition of Something is as Follows

something         pron

1. an unspecified or unknown thing; some thing he knows something you don't take something warm with you

something or other one unspecified thing or an alternative thing

3. an unspecified or unknown amount; bit something less than a hundred

4. an impressive or important person, thing, or event isn't that something?


1. to some degree; a little; somewhat to look something like me

2. (foll by an adjective) Informal (intensifier) it hurts something awful

So If something Equals out to more than nothing, Less than everything, I am guessing I am just about average with something to offer but nothing to receive… Or is It the Opposite?

Something is Simply something, Now when we add special to something so That ups the numeric value,  by, Well I don’t know lets say 10, so special is  a term reserved for things that have a higher denominator than just something, it is for those things me may have more value in, something, Again, We have a fondness for. Maybe they read my blog and thought I was just simply headed for somewhere on a short bus… always an option…..

Special is as follows

special     ]   adj

1. distinguished, set apart from, or excelling others of its kind

2. (prenominal) designed or reserved for a particular purpose a special tool for working leather

3. not usual or commonplace

4. (prenominal) particular or primary his special interest was music

5. (Social Science / Education) denoting or relating to the education of physically or mentally handicapped children a special school


1. a special person or thing, such as an extra edition of a newspaper or a train reserved for a particular purpose

So now that I have been upgraded from the rest with special, I should be happy right?  Now I am a Newspaper or a Mode of transportation, Or maybe even exceeding expectations of the normal. *Does a small Happy dance* 

Which still does not clarify what the something is though,  I am still in limbo on what something is,  I could be special for a particular purpose,  which,may fit on some occasions but what is known at this point is “Something special” is more than someone else, but probably less than others which still puts me ahead of the game, Half of the time.

If this was a game of Bowling I would have an average of 150,  But life is not a game of bowling now is it?  It is More like hockey to me,  Picking up players, racing to the finish line to be the first to get past the obstacle in your way.  there is fighting, there is checking into the boards of life, and there is a party after it is done… Go Stanley!….

So the bottom line to this Blog is Something….

1.. I am more than Nothing

2. I am a Mode of transportation, type of Newspaper’

3. I am ahead of the game half of the time

4. I exceed expectations for a particular purpose

5. I can be compared to a sport

and Finally 6

I am in  whatever definition “Something special”

July 7, 2011

Muted and Banned… With Love….

So I have not done a blog in a while with my charm and Charisma  as a writer, I have ether been a, to “Zen” My new word for the day, B to Pissed off, or C to distracted, SO I shall give you my 2 cents worth of Idiots located in this place we call Secondlife.  I Get along with everyone, I can give you references, and even the people that don’t like me will tell you, I am not one to  hurt people and I am Definitely not a de-friender.

Lets talk about these people that roam Secondlife only to bring stress and anxiety to others, 

First we Know they are emotional wrecks – I mean they have to be,  emotions stir these people to No get out, they add fuel to the fire by challenging WHY they are de friending, They are in most cases a nut case and probably need to be Medicated.  I am not talking about the random deletion, I am talking about mass deletion,  TP Into a sim and cut all ties with anyone that is there and then to screw your self even more,  Ban all these people from your club, Which in all Honesty. were close to your only clientele.  Not Only are you a Nut case but you are Emotionally draining, to every one,  If your name pops up in IM and U think, Hmm they must be busy (They are ALWAYS busy when you IM them)… No Its just you, they do NOT want to talk to you, and nor do they want to listen to you bitch for an hour about poor you and how the world is against you,  how good you have been to all your friends, and THEY ALL have screwed you over…

Fact – If there is a common denominator in a large percentage of occurrences – that denominator is the cause Not the outcome

Simply put YOU are the issue, No one else is, You have made it intolerable to be liked and you have made it impossible to even feel sorry for you. We are all just tired as hell at listening to you and your pathetic excuses for being alone, not having friends and what your new Plot is to get revenge on the last, probably  innocent victim in your life. 

I can remember TRYING to talk someone down from their Podium… They all own podiums if you didn’t know, because they are SOOO Much better that the rest of us.  and I was trying to get them to listen to reason, I learned quickly that it was a waste of time.. Their Podium is made of compacted Shit, Pressed together so tightly you can only smell it but you cannot Find it…. Until “It” Hits the fan.

So If you are wondering why people are disappearing,  look in the mirror, put down the alcohol.  It is Not Us, It’s a Bit More Personal……. Its you….

Few More - By the Sea

My Little Island

Sometimes we are Better off alone

My Little Island

Somestimes we are Better off alone