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August 30, 2011

Discounted Feelings

 

In a world full of People sharing their feelings In blogs, Poetry and in various forums, It amazes me how some can totally discount another's feelings.  I am not saying having a different opinion, But I am saying allowing yourself to become somewhat familiar with someone and then basically allow them to be hurt by your actions, when you, knew them enough to know this would have an Impact on them. 

discounted

I am not surprised, I am a Cynic to others feelings really, You can say anything you want to Me, It means nothing, It is the actions  you take that tell Me how you really feel.  But many people do not have that filter, They take what they hear and they believe, they need to want to and have to for their sanities sake (Or maybe Insanities sake, that Is questionable)  If I say something, You can be damn well sure I mean It, I am not Into saying things I do not Mean.   I have been caught up in a Moment and admitted I loved someone.  I can honestly say I did at that moment, it was a weak point.  Not to discount their feelings, But My love never leaves,  It is just shuffled back into a mass of other feelings I may have for them.  there is a difference between In Love, Love and Lust.  they can all kind of get entwined together. It is sometimes so hard, that I can honestly say 2 out of 3 are so damn close, it is almost impossible to tell them apart except for the long term outcome. 

Allowing someone to play along in your bullshit online is just wrong.  I hate to break it to you, but everyone out there, tapping their keys is Umm … Human!  they bleed, they cry, they feel.  For those out there, trying to string people along, Letting their emotions get sucked into your web of dishonesty  is not only showing what kind of person you are, but also saying what a emotional troll  you apparently are.  I have no time for those who are playing mind games, nor will I accept them as an equal to myself, You have just been titled a “troll” therefore, Please resume your meager existence under the bridge with all the other low life's whom think they deserve everything, but in the end return nothing,

I have a simple saying that’s pertains to every relationship that I have, you have not doubt heard it, But have you really lived it?

Action talks, Bull shit Walks

So if your torn by ones actions, if you cannot understand their reasoning, If for whatever reason you have second thoughts, I suggest you find the bridge and keep walking, leave them in their rightful place, because they apparently are not concerned with how they are treating you nor how you may feel. 

Is this easy  Ummm Hell No, It is hard, but really when were you told life was easy, It is NEVER easy to let people go, But you have to find the strength to muster up enough courage to do so.  This is called Life… We live, We Learn, We Die, so make the lessons worthwhile, because if your whole life your doing the same crap over and over, then you’re the one losing out on all the other things that you apparently did not have time for wasting it on worthless people with discounted you as a human, One with emotions, One that actually feels what you say and only says what you mean.

In closing, please know, most of us are not wired this way, it is a learning process, leaving someone you have feelings for is not easy, but you have to do what's best for you.  If you feel as if you are being used, if you are being totally discounted, If you are scared of getting hurt for whatever reason, that is your 6th sense, Listen to it.   I have spent more nights crying over someone who did not deserve it,  Ones that I thought were really there for me, I may have have a fleeting thought, maybe a sign that told me to run, but I didn’t,  It gets easier as you learn to step back, logically access the situation. If it is not adding up, if the percentages are off (Your 90 they are 2) think about the mathematical errors…. No college graduate is going to put down 90+2 equals 100… Well the ones that paid attention won’t.

TO all the Emotional Trolls out there, I tell you with all honesty, Please go and fuck yourself, Not all of us are going to stay there, some of us are stronger than that, some of us, well, We have learned to deal with your total lack of human compassion and we can read through your lines of bullshit.  May you be hurt only half as much as you have hurt others, because I am sure emotionally your Not stable enough to handle 1 Hun. 

Peace Out

August 28, 2011

Heart Strings

 

So its been a while since I really wrote a heart felt blog.  I read one today, It was a masterpiece, well written and complimented the authors skills more than I can describe in one sentence.  Most of my writing is pretty playful, Not very deep, an easy read, Whereas my poetry is a bit emo at times and tears at your heart strings, a bit dark and depressing.   My topic today is my social standing, My inability to connect and my guard against any and all emotional ties which may bind me.  The invisible ones you get to another, the ones that make your heart leap when you see them, the smiles that rest upon your face, the fleeting moments of happiness when they enter your thoughts.

We have all had a moment of weakness, where at that moment all we want is for happiness of another, even if it means letting them go.  It is called sanity, or maybe reality… it could be both.  I have a hard time letting myself fall, I fear disappointment, and I run.  maybe not physically, but emotionally I do.  I get quiet, reserved and distant.  I have to feel the other person out, figuratively speaking,  See what they want, need, feel and see, make sure I am  who can fulfill those needs, if my wall is already up, the let down does not hurt half as bad.  Disappointment is something we all have to conqour at some point or another, it is the levels of the pain that differs emotionally. 

Someone told me the other day “Maybe you feel this way because we have not talked as much”.  I replied no, It has nothing to do with the amount of conversation, It has to do with the connection,  the state of relaxation, the whole package.  If for whatever reason If feel as if my heart is in jeopardy  at any point, It will close, I will be there but emotionally untied.  I have no issues with accepting defeat, but to aid my own sanity, I will lesson the blow at all costs before the ax comes down.  They proceeded to say “what if my foot is in the door and you cannot close it”?  That is highly doubtful.  At this point and time, I have already shut the door before you even knew there was one,  In order for it to open again, to regain the trust, the  calmness, the ease that was once there will now be tiwce as hard.  It is simple really.  At least to me. 

Another friend asked me why I was single, since it simply HAD to be my choice. *Smiles* Well I guess it is, because when you have had a very good relationship before to compare the others to, if your not on your best game, all the others fall to the side.  I don’t waste my  time on promises in the dark, Shadows in the corner and whispers in the night.  I will in fact give one hun if it is returned. 

I was in a long term relationship with someone, who no one understood why, it was hard on me, since a lot of people did not see what I saw in him.  They classified him as arrogant, odd, and well other things I would rather not say.  Although we were polar opposites we both tried putting one hundred in, even though it was an Epic fail it was a lesson learned, and I grew from knowing him. On occasion when I see things he gave me, I smile now, because I know I am who I am because of what we shared.  He will always be my past, and I will hold onto that, for it was a lesson I will never quite forget.

Then there is the new people, those that waltz in,  see me and think, Oh, she is an easy catch.  Most leave before they even get to know my favorite songs, hear any funny stories or learn I am more than blonde hair with god given breasts that most people pay for.  I have a secret, Taught to me by a mentioned above,  Logic wins over emotions any day.  Logically if you do not deserve to have my heart, you do not get it.  It is not set out to take,  love is earned, it is a mutual respect and it is something that should be shared, but only in a perfect world.  Have I loved someone that did not love me?  Yes, I have, as we all have.  Those feelings are true, just as much as if it was shared, but let us not debate the fact, that one=sided love is a waste of time if it is not going to be reciprocated.  No emotion you feel is wrong, and every feeling we have is a blessing of some sorts, even pain,  without pain we would not appreciate the happiness once we find it.

In closing, all I am trying to say Is, I may stand cold, sound callous seem to be distant, but the fact is, I am my poetry, every written word, it is my thought's, my feelings and dreams.  It may be about a song, a person, a fleeting glimpse of reality or just my state of mind for that 20 minutes.   If those that had already been allowed into my heart, knew they would lose it, would they have even tried to get in?   I think most are in for the moment,  the race of energy, the benefits and the quest so to speak.  Others, well maybe they are here to say, only time will tell.   I believe in redemption, and I believe in people, I think there is good in all of us,  we just have to believe in ourselves first before we can help others.  So this is my heart,  Please handle with care.

August 26, 2011

Live artists and Secondlife

 

There is so many talented people in secondlife, I mean really it took me well over a year to find a live artist, but then I was hooked.  Now for me its like going to the corner pub and kicking back with a beer.  So Tuesday I logged in, just for a few Minutes, I had no plans, Just pick up the meeroos that had been born and take off till I saw a name pop up which I had not seen in a LONG time, Christion Dinzeo.  This guy is wonderful, He used to do a few live shows but also hits the karaoke circuit.  I met him 2 years ago at Disengaged, a Live venue for upcoming acts that Dallas Silverspar owned (He is also a great singer). Christion showed up for  a Impromptu gig and I was the only one left, besides the few owners. after an hour the owners had to leave, and he still sang for 1 more.  Needless to say, I was Hooked.

Christion is a kind hearted soul who pours emotions into every note that escape his lips.  So here it is well over 2 years later, He has come and gone from SL many times and I usually miss out on seeing him, But not tonight. 

Me “are you singing tonight?”

Him “Is there anywhere to sing?”

I search open mic and end up at an escort place…. Next to Christion

Me “Hi, Tell anyone I came to an escort place and Ill have to beat you”

Him “LOL, Ill sing a few then we can look for another place”

He sang my Rob Thomas “Ever the same”…

Snapshot_004 

I was floored as usual.  He sings country, pop, adult contemporary and Oh, Lots of Disney theme songs.  He has a wide vocal range. 

We stayed till the end,  there was actually a lot of good singers there, then we headed to the “O” where he jumped on the board to sing.  after a few songs I receive a Random IM, Well I received a few, But this one actually had balls.

011/08/22 21:26]   Resident: that's one hot av u got there  haha
[2011/08/22 21:26]  Lindsay: Ha ha Thanks sweetie, How R U this evening
[2011/08/22 21:26]   Resident: i'm alright, just relaxing here
[2011/08/22 21:27]  \Resident: and youself?
[2011/08/22 21:27]  Lindsay: I am good Doing the same, Have a Sunny D and some cherry Vodka and Kicked back Listening to Music, U singing?
[2011/08/22 21:28]  Resident: ahh nice nice... i dunno, i sang earlier today actually, i'm undecided on it
[2011/08/22 21:28]   Resident: can't figure out if i'm too lazy or not   =P
[2011/08/22 21:29]  Lindsay : Awww C mon, Make Me lose My breath.. Smiles.. You have the energy.. You know it
[2011/08/22 21:29]   Resident: haha
[2011/08/22 21:29]  Resident: maaaaaybe i do
[2011/08/22 21:29]   Resident: lol
[2011/08/22 21:29]  Lindsay : What do Ya sing
[2011/08/22 21:29]  Lindsay : If I know One thing its guys always have energy to do the things they WANT to do
[2011/08/22 21:30]  Resident: well, i play the guitar and sing stuff to it
[2011/08/22 21:30]  Resident: yeah
[2011/08/22 21:30]  Lindsay : Stuff to It.. M kay U gotta sing Now I wanna hear stuff
[2011/08/22 21:30]   Resident: stuff is good  ;)
[2011/08/22 21:30]   Resident: k, i'll think of sumthin here
[2011/08/22 21:30]  Lindsay : Umm IDK what stuff Is U will have to Prove it to Me
[2011/08/22 21:31]   Resident: surely
[2011/08/22 21:31]  Resident: =D
[2011/08/22 21:31]  Lindsay : He he ... Pulls Out Pom Poms
[2011/08/22 21:31]  Resident: haha cheering me on
[2011/08/22 21:32]  Lindsay : Ill grab sparklers if Your Really good
[2011/08/22 21:32]   Resident: haha dang, now i really gotta impress ya
[2011/08/22 21:32]  Lindsay : Hmm Yep. Pull Out the Big Guns
[2011/08/22 21:33]   Resident: alright, i'm on the board
[2011/08/22 21:33]   Resident: it's official
[2011/08/22 21:33]  Lindsay : Woot!
[2011/08/22 21:34]  Lindsay digs for sparklers
[2011/08/22 21:34]   Resident: so if you like me, then u gotta add me as a friend... deal??  haha

The thing is, I would have been this persons friend regardless.  Im not a total cold “B” but he was VERY good he sang

Radiohead - High and dry

Kudos to you, for A Picking a Great song and B singing it Very Well! So Next time I am kicking it at Karaoke night,  Hang with me, I am getting quit the collection of great singers to listen to.  Not to Mention I am all for sharing my supply of vodka.

August 23, 2011

My neighbors kitten

I thought this was sooo sweet

The Reality of Virtuality

 

A virtual place is just that, Virtual, the term Virtual is referred to just that

  • Not physically existing as such but made by software to appear to do so

    So that brings me to an Important part of the blog.  Reality.   Reality is physical, it is more than any virtual world can give us it is that we deal with everyday, before we log into our cookie cutter life.   the one we have planned out in a virtual bliss the one we  grasp when online, the one we hold so dearly. 

    So My reality has taken over well the last few weeks, to be perfectly honest my contract is up at my work location in a few days and I have been putting in a lot of extra hours there, going in early and so I have been sleeping MUCH earlier,  when your up at the ass crack of dawn the last thing you really care about is logging in to pet a few Meeroos and type to a few friends who may or may not be online at that perceived time, Since most of my friends are on pretty damn late,  If they are my friends they will be there when I do finally get my ass back on. 

    SO there it is…………. Yes it is out there, My Reality,  It is plain as well reality can be.  I did partake in some drinks on Friday, seems like a week ago now, lemonade and vodka have tasted pretty damn good might I add. 

    For those out there who Know me enough to actually know what is going on, Cheers and Mucho hugs and kisses, and those out there reading into my blogs as if it is the word of some virtual gospel,  Wrong!  Once again if you read the top of my blog, I blog about anything and every thing that makes me wonder… If it makes Me think, I blog it, I have no set intentions, I have no virtual boyfriend, I have exactly what I had Before, Nothing except a very few close friends who actually know what's going on.  If you pay attention to my FB, I may toss out a movie I'm watching or maybe Tutoring, But  it still is a sprinkling of what reality has given me, 

    So, For the record…………….

    Here are the highlights

    I am Not getting married

    I have No clue who “He” is

    I am getting laid Off

    I am Not a Millionaire

    Me and Enrique have not yet met, but if I do, I probably will not have time to blog about it

    My Virtual life and reality is Only shared with a few people in advance.

    But feel free to fill in the details with whatever you please, because my life seems to be much  more interesting when others fill in the blanks.  I appreciate a  good story,  makes me think, and it also gives me a reason to blog more. 

    I was going to do a love story blog, may still do it.  Who will be the leading man… Please feel free to fill in the blanks,  He will know who he is if I ever press publish.

    Until then may your virtual happiness always stay where it needs to be and may your Reality not be harsh.  Peace Out!

  • August 20, 2011

    I Got Married…. Eh Not so Much

     

    So I have been AFK for a while, On maybe once a night to see a live show, chat to a few People, but really, I am not sure if you know this, But Ummm, Summers Freakin Ending soon people… Its gonna get COLD out… SO I have been hanging outside with the Neighbors, drinking Hard.. M kay, Reallly Hard Lemonade and chilling in the sun in the afternoons till almost bed time.. Mm Yea.. It has been fun.  Those that I do talk to are on skype, so I don’t need to log In and kill my laptop battery.  I hear I have this other fantastic life though Through my friends, It is Fantastic…. Let me tell you.

    I was accepted Into SL  Harvard

    I was nominated for the Nobel Peace prize in Secondlife

    I have the Perfect SL Boyfriend

    I made a Million dollars and Bought a SIM

    and Oh shit, I am marrying a SL  Enrique Inglasis next week we are then jet setting off to Tahiti  to have Lil hawt Inglasis’s before we settle down in a Colonial mansion on the Sim I just bought

    M kay, None of that is actually true,  But hell ill take any of the above if you can give it to me.  Funny how one can be AFK from SL, Be on for maybe at best 4 hours a week actually chatting and have SOOO many things going on.   Hmmm People call it information, I call it, total Bull shit.  But Eh let em talk, Feel free to copy paste any of the above attach my name and tell people… I was told if people did not talk about me to worry, Apparently I am doing very well.   So in between cybering my new love, and spending my million linden, I have been in my RL yard, It has grass, I'm sure you have seen grass before, Maybe a few days before you started secondlife (It may be brown now due to No watering) .  I have 2 weeks before school starts, and then I will be back to my normal schedule, My real secondlife (Enrique, Please don’t leave me!)  Umm hope that’s His Name….. Hey, Umm IM Me when You get this, cause I am Freakin lost here… Maybe it’s a blonde moment.. Umm Nah I probably fell in love during one of my infamous ambien moments and have forgotten who they are, and they of course have not written me because they are taking care of their mom, who fell ill suddenly and she is in an area hundreds of miles away from internet (Maybe he is at my cottage where he forgot to call the Phone company for DSL)  but of course he will contact me at some point because while I am sitting out in my RL yard I am planning our virtual wedding and making up names for our Lil prim babies oh and a Virtual dog and cat.  OMFG  I am so Busy!  I need a dress and flowers and  a place to do the vows, Holy shit,  who is going to walk me down the isle… M Kay .Well Heres Some BS Photos If you care to share. As soon a I figure out who he is, Ill attach our profiles… M kay Peace Out!

    Snapshot_001

    wedding_001

    If You want to Know who He is…. He is Me, I am Him, we ARE the Perfect couple… and Well We are both hawt so Great for Photo Shoots.  and No I did Not pay for the wedding dress Or veil..  amazing what You can accumulate in an Inventory In a Lifetime of playing SL.  Um No you cannot meet him, He is My avatar and well, I made him for just that, to take Pictures with… He was at the time, My version Of SL Hotness… and he is 3 years old now with a Unisex name… Smirks…… Kay… Peace Out!

    August 19, 2011

    Virtual Burn out

     

    Yeah, We have all been there, Just tired of the drama, the simple pleasures don’t seem to be worth the hassle of logging in anymore.   I think everyone hits a point where walking is so easy.  I myself last night, logged in for maybe an hour and a half, I had full Intentions of putting up a skybox, to the point where I was On top of my main house as a a center point and then I ended up in a 3 hour conversation with Trolo on skype.  That was long overdue, Between him being sick on and off and me also we have been sending offline messages to check in on each other.  I have known people to walk away for a year, Come back for one day then disappear into the grid as If they were never there before.  I am not that person, but I do cater to my own needs right now, and well,  My BFF is moving in across the street.  There is just not enough beer and vodka for the next 2 weeks before school starts, then we will both have to behave between football, soccer and other Misc activities. 

    Snapshot_001

    Back to Topic,  Some people dabble in different games,  Maybe a different world similar to secondlife, or maybe a bit of CoD.  It all depends on what you  were doing in Secondlife, But literally what you were getting from this massive virtual world, you are now getting it elsewhere.   Since I am Single, in both realms, I kinda just run from Live venue to another for the Music,  I love the Music.  I have plans next Wednesday to go see Mando again, but this next time hopefully with someone if their work schedule clears Up enough. They said to me, “Oh I think you took me to seem Him”  I remember the night well, He ended up buy all the CDs, It was Not Mando though it was mankind, yea it gets confusing….. So they want to join my  quest next week to hear mando now, and I am fine with that, Since I do tend to stay to myself most of the time. 

    I know sometimes things happen that make you WANT to walk away, Break ups, argument, dealing with people who just cannot quit their BS.  I have been Lucky as far as, I may leave for a few days but I am always back, I may hide as my old avatar for a while, not really hide, Most people know both of them, she is not a secret, But less people tend to talk to me there,  My First life is a Bit more biting than Lindsay, But if I am on as her, I don’t really want to be bothered with random requests, Offers and cyber requests.  So what do You do when Virtual burnout kicks in?  I am not burned out, I am just using my time more effectively and spending it outside… I may get a darker shade of pasty now… Hey it could happen…. I know once things settle down for me In RL Ill be back, Chatting to My Friends,  Hitting all the Good sales and well Just enjoying my Virtual Paradise.. Until then RL has called and told me to get my sun on.

    August 18, 2011

    Mandoaa Dragonash

     

    Last night I only logged to see a person live,  I have been following them since, Well I call Social Sands days.  Social ands was a place that had comedians, Live music and Karaoke.   I remember snuggled Up with Trolo at the corner couch listening and then over the Mic came a voice singing 3AM by matchbox 20.   I was floored … He made 3AM his song,  He made my heart drop,  He made me use the “Pass the F out gesture”  I am not  a gesture person.  That was in 2009. 

    So last night I logged just to hear him It has been a long time.  I have always loved his sense of humor, along with his renditions of songs, he makes up as he goes, playing his guitar and those he wrote himself, Notably the few about secondlife.  I of course asked for my MB20 song, But it was late in the show,  He sang a bit of Ceelo and 3rd nipple, even put a spin on Mmm Bop,  but at the end, I was left without MB20.  He promised me next week he would make up for it.  I have of course found a few other live acts I enjoy, the majority that start with the Letter M, Mankind, Maxamillion and then Ed but it was Mandoaa that I know was the one to set me on the path for live music in secondlife. He left social sands a few months after,  I was In his group and got all the updates on his thereabouts, and really I just have to look him up on youtube if I really want to hear him again.  After that show I saw Harper was playing, Harper is also Very Talended so I went to his show.  In my quest to waste a lil more time, I profile perved for a bit until I came across a.profile with a post I had in my facebook a LONG time ago.

    Hello. Here are my answers to yesterday's messages, in order of their arrival. Yes. Tommorow at 5pm. Duct tape and piano wire. Tonight's safety word will be banana. No. Thank you

    I was cracking Up, It was a bit surreal since the second I saw the safe word I was close to Peeing My pants. So I sent them an IM, Something I Normally don’t do

    It ended up being an hour long conversation on Doritos, Profiles, Rum and cokes  and sliced limes.  It was actually pretty funny, I would copy paste, but you people would think Im freakin crazy….. Eh Its called a time filler.  Keeps my mind sharp and my verbs in check.  So  Any way,  Go see mando, He freakin rocks, I believe my BFF may go with me next Wednesday, and Mando promised me to sing my MB20 song.

    M kay well Off I go, Here is  Pic I took at Mando, Mucho hugs and keep it real, well as virtually real as Possible.

    mando_001

    and Here is MY 3AM by Mando, the guy from St Louis who melts me with his voice.

    August 17, 2011

    Sleep and Slushies

     

    I am tired, Seriously tired, Just maybe burnt out, probably because I have slacked on my  whole taking care of myself and forgot to take my iron pills… Yea I am a freakin brain.  But I did remember them today, and hopefully tomorrow…  I am not looking for an excuse to head back to the IV drip lane.   Funny  I have spurts of energy, and then bam it hits, I am exhausted again… Yesterday I was outside with my neighbor and the slushie mobile came by.  My son is a Huge fan of this  Slush maker on wheels.  It is like an ice cream truck but they give you shaved ice and you make your own slushie.  I usually hide in the house on these days hoping not to hear them. Not because I don’t want one, but because the person driving it is someone I went to school with.  Here is where My Introverted self is displayed to perfection.  I really don’t want to talk to you…. Let me be.  So anyway I got him his slushie, we chatted,  I really tried to be nice (It was Pointed out I became very quiet once I found out we had gone to school together) .  I even gave her a tip.. Yea, I am nice, I just don’t want to be bothered with Who Diane married or what happened to the football star Ken, Is he still selling cars… Umm, I really do not care.  I look at it this way,  With every piece of useless information I have to store, another Piece of maybe somewhat useful information gets pushed  back or out.   So Last night I slept early, I could not be bothered with useless stuff,  I Kinda feel bad, since I was logged in On my phone and a few Ppl tried to reach me.  Well Back to work, Hope  your day is wonderful and for me, Eh, I think maybe a Monster or Ampd energy is in order.

    August 16, 2011

    SLCC 2011

     

    Snapshot_004

    So What, I missed it again,  I was going to go, and I was going to take someone with me this year.   I wanted to go and knew of one person I wanted to give a hug to, M kay maybe more… and another I really wanted to do the trip with hot sauce in  my hand and all over them.  I looked into it,  and it was going to  be 1300 dollars just for the flight and room with taxes etc.  I am working part time at the moment and well, 1300 dollars is not going to be spent on meeting numerous people who I can just as easily see via cam or hear on voice. I know, There is so many out there that did and awesome for them,  I hope it was fun, Because honestly I was barely able to log into SL this weekend, Let alone get   away for the weekend.  I Know me enough to know I probably would not have been at the conferences, I would be at the bar, the hotel bar, meeting even more new people to add to my friends list when I logged in on my phone.   Sad I have not made ONE single SLCC,  I do think that they should move it around, stop the We are here so It is here crap, I mean c mon people, not everyone wants to fork out 1300 to seepeople from a Virtual world,  there is very few people I would spend that money on and the few I would, I am thinking a 4 day all Inclusive resort with free food and drinks myself….. Umm Yea, you guys would have had a TON more people if you guys learned How and Where to put on events, make it affordable to more people.  Don’t tell me there is not any places you could have chose that would have catered the hell out of it and still people would have flocked knowing food and drinks were not the issue.  A lot of people would have still spent money buying the premium alcohol and having room service… Yes, we are creatures of habit and NO I don’t want to get myself dolled up for an english muffin……………Thanks!  Yea I am that girl who will not leave her room till My make up is on and I have tried on my whole suit case only to go back to the original outfit I had on… But that is me… That is how I roll and Like it or hate it, I am not changing for anyone.  I detest heavy eye make up, Love lip balm and have to use estee lauder make up….. It is the one perk I give myself.   So for those who got to go,  I hope you enjoyed,  I am sure it was a Freakin blast, and for the rest of us out there who looked Into it and Ummm NO…. We still have out small virtual world to comfort us when or Reality is not funded by Linden dollars….. Which reminds me, I need to start DJing again…

    August 15, 2011

    My Home Sweet Home

     

    4 years ago, I logged into this Virtual paradise of Pixelated Prims and Naked  avatars running around in their noob skin, Hopping from pose ball to poase ball in hopes of see the Pixels slap… I could not even sit let alone know what an Emote was.  My second week I was determined to “Fit” in, I bought a VIP account, or back then Premium,  I needed skin, Clothes and God help me, Hair.  But what I needed to figure all this out was a place to call home.  I found a Skybox, for rent, Pretty cheap, I went there, Left, Lost it.. I mean Literally I had NO clue where it was… I had paid for and left my home in a virtual abyss.  It could have been anywhere, I IMd the Leaser, It took him 5 days to get back to me,  I did not go back, I had already  found land at a new sim called Salonika. 

    Lucy was the owner she was from England and very sweet,  She had Delmar and Mark working for her.  Mark who was the one who helped Me rent it, Was there for my “House raising”  I paid someone to rez the house.. I was that Green, I could Not even center a Rez box…. We all start somewhere.  The house was to high, I could not walk up into it, Mark made me a step, I was amazed with his mastory of prims, He just tossed Out this Box and textured it for me in 30 Seconds flat, He was My new best friend.  It was  a Little cabin, On a 1024 Lot.  I used Up my prims once I thought I was going to be kicked Out of Secondlife for doing something Illegal.

    SO I have My new house, my land and  no clue what a Prim is.  I had pretty much  jumped In 2 feet and had not a clue how many prims it took to make a paddle (One if its sculpted)  That was July of 2007.  I added On 512 lots one by one, Lucy was awesome, and She even sold Me extra prims, so I had a lot of  extras at my  place, room to build, a skybox and a Home or park on the land.  About a year ago, I had given up on the house thing, Grabbed a small Box in the air and had a Beautiful garden that I used to gather people, DJing and just chatting to friends.  I cannot tell you have many homes I have gone though. I know my 3rd or 4th, Trolo built, and the probally next 10 after that, Were him and I working together as a team, a couple  Texturing and Modding the Prims. (Him more than Me.. )  But when We were done it was decorating, and organizing, and breaking in the new  furniture.  If it didn’t have  scripts, I probably did Not own it… I was a  shoppaholic and why pay for something with few Options, I wanted the world and More.    4 Years later,  I still have the same Lot of land, just a bit bigger.  I Love changing it, even though it is a pain in the ass to pick it all up.  I have a Huge beach house Now,  the bottom is Open for my Meeroos, Prince Charming and Phillip and Princess Aurora, Cinderella and Heartbreaker.   I have a small Lil Beach Hut,  an Off sim Island and a Hammock, Perfect for snuggling or hanging out alone.  My upstairs is empty, I have No bed now…. For what reason would I need one.   I have found  people seem to like to use it if they see it, No strangers shall lay on my bed dammit, If I really wanted a bed, It would be loaded In 2 Min and ready to fire up.  But I don’t need that, Now do I.   I am Most likely on my Intan dancing with Pete,  Hanging with Romeo, Shopping with Enn or  chilling at My Box with Tro.   I have no need for   all the Little things I used to get excited about.  But I have found new things… Like Reading SL blogs,  Hitting Zen Creations and staring at the bath set I plan to get one day, or  looking for new shoes…  I am not a shoe person so It takes Me  a lot to spend L on shoes.. I am a fan of BAX though In case you were wondering, I accept gift certificates to .. kidding , I kid.   Over the years My lot has Been Gothic,  Medieval, Woods,  European,  Gardens and Modern.  I  have hit the majority of the themes in second life , although I cannot find half of them In my Inventory to save My life… Hint to new Users… ORGANIZE as You go.. It sucks doing it 4 years Later.  

    Crap, Back to the reason for  the blog..  Ok, so like a year ago my sim was sold, I was scared.. There goes My Perks,  My Set Price, My home,  I was looking for new land…  the Neighborhood so to speak had dwindled and  the new owners I did Not know.  I was pleasantly surprised to find My new sim owner a wonderful person as is her partner.   She is Huge picky as to who lives there, and she has actually  asked me  if certain people were stalkers before she allowed them to move in.. Ha ha.. He wasn’t… HEY CAR!   So now I  recommend a friend, a New Friend who feels old to me.  We have been chatting for a few Months now, He dived Into SL, Like me, 2 feet first..  Hates his LL home and wants more prims.  I asked her, Could you help him,  I know he is good for the tier and I know he would rock as a neighbor, and I do miss car being around.  So I have a New Neighbor now!  Woot!   Welcome Pete to My SIm and always Into my SL…  Cannot wait to hear you tomorrow at your first DJ set and chill out.  Maybe I can grab someone to  come with me, as U tear up the internet with your awesome tunes.  If your lookin for a DJ JamMasterPete is the best, and Not so bad to listen to ether… Smirks…  Mucho hugs!  and I'm out!

    Oh Below is Some Pictures of my House now, Or just press the back Button Winking smile 

    House_001

    My Beach House

    House_002

    My Beach Hut

    House_003

    My Meeroos

    House_004

    My Upper Deck.. Note No bedroom Furniture

    House_005

    The Inside downstairs

    An Old play, New Day

     

    So I am thinking,  What the hell do I write about, Hmmm,  I have been keeping quite busy lately,  and I have not a lot to say…..Stares at the Keyboard.

    Oh Hey, I like slurpees,  No that’s Not it, but if you want to buy me one, Blue raspberry and cherry are My all time favorites. Ok back to the Blog

    So my old friend came back,  I met them over a year ago at a country place In Secondlife, He asked Me to dance, Before I could get there, another girl had double hit on him and  put a Kabash on that… Smirks… It was Ok, because as soon as that happened, a few blogs before happened with Seb.  Ahh the good Old days.  So anyway we have remained friends on Facebook, Chatting on occasion, and just  keeping each other up on stuff, and Well, He once told me I was the Most beautifully painted wall he ever met… If only I would let him inside… Yea,  I have Issues Letting people Inside.. Especially if their Intentions are shady, Umm Even if they arnt, Ok, Im a Big ol freakin wall,  But Im nice and sweet to everyone.   I know he likes me, He always has,  and of Course it is brought up again, yet today.

    Foggy Romeo and Lindsay

    Him :  Maybe we will be together In Sl

    Me: Things Happen, You never know

    Him:  You Know your one in a million

    Me:  Maybe one in a few, But a Million is stretching it

    His name alone screams romance,  Ha ha, But he actually is not anything like his name, I know him now, I know he is a rock n roll loving, Country boy with a Love for Dorritos and Ampd energy drink, We have those things in common, along with a few others that are besides the point.  It is good to see his name back on my list, I did Miss him,  and I know both of our birthdays are coming up.. Shopping trip!  I have no real plan, Nor do I have any wants or needs, Just to exist, and to enjoy what little time I can with those that appreciate my off the wall honesty, My sporadic humor and my little quips about RL and SL.  He is one of those I could probably say anything to and he would not blink,  We have that in common.  So, I know he wont read this.. I am lucky he IMs me, he would rather voice….. Damn he's so lazy LMAO…  It was great hanging out today, and we will be shopping soon,  So If you see me Inworld Hit me up, I may be pulling him into Misc stores since he has worn the same damn thing for the last 6 months…..

    August 13, 2011

    The Slave Factor

     

    So it’s a random IM,  Out of Nowhere, I have no clue who this person is, I mean Their name on Skype nor their Secondlife Name is familiar.  I respond,  they call me goddess… Really Goddess,  Umm Yea,  Ok they are off to a good start except they have no clue who I am  Nor can they tell Me where I know them from.

    24 Hours  later and a few More random IMs later, I get online, ask them where we Met, they have No clue,  nor do they care.  But 24 Goddesses later, I know what they want,  they want to be my slave… Uh, Really, Nowhere in my profile do I have accepting slaves, Slaves wanted or Random cyber with sub-servant men wanted.  I do Not have Mistress, Dominatrix or even close in my profile…. I have something about rainbows and Unicorns. Yea this guy needs help. 

    After I have been more than nice In Secondlife, and turned his Slavory/ownership request down,  I log off only to come back to skype beeping.

    Him: Goddess

    Are you there goddess?

    I wait for you In Secondlife

    Me: I logged Off, I am not Online

    Him:  May I be yours Goddess

    Me: My Slave?

    Him:  Yes Goddess

    Now at this point I’m just plain Irritated, and well, If I treat him like shit, Eh, who cares

    Me: I’m not online, I’ll deal with you later

    Him: May I ask what time it is there goddess?

    Me:   No

    Him; Smiles

    Really, I mean Honestly, this guy is just, Well, Heh…IDK,  I will log in later and “deal with him”

    …::Shakes Head:::….

    Maybe someday

    Maybe someday, maybe in another lifetime of dreams,
    You and I will walk hand in hand, beyond the forests and streams,
    Maybe another try, a new attempt at an old game,
    Maybe someday, we will be one and we will still feel the same
    But then again maybe someday, we will realize we already hit the top,
    And hopefully retreat, turn around, be strong enough to stop,
    Maybe someday, but no, its not going to happen today
    For the forest is still before us, and there is still time to play

    How can I miss you, If you won’t go away?

     

    So if you have that person, Who you thought may be the one, and then they go all bat shit on you… Yes you know the crazy ass mental case who cannot let it go.  Making someone's life miserable for months after a break up is just unacceptable,  It is a passion for some though, and those are not equipped with the intelligence to get help. 

    If you know me, you probably know who I am talking about,  I am not even involved but I am on the sidelines, doing the …..::Shakes Head:::…  I know howw bad this stuff can hurt, It can tear you up, but the fact of the matter is, How is being a perfect bitch helping you or anyone, I mean it is wasted energy you could have put into oh, I don’t know, Try Being happy.   I have found the best revenge is happiness, It is moving on and it is letting go,  apparently there is not class on this, nor is there common sense when it comes to her thinking.  She is just determined to  hold onto hatred and agony and to spew it across the internet.  Funny thing is,  She is not a ghost, Far from it, she has websites all over with her names linked, real life and avatar name,  She worked for her father, she is married, and unhappy at that.  Still she chooses to play with other people or have the people she pays to do it   I am a pawn in her game, which is fine,  I walked away (It’s a new trend)  She muted and de friended me for DJing a mutual friends birthday party, … Touche….. He will always be closer to me than her,  and I am completely fine with that, even thought she still tries to weasel her way back in.  I stay quiet, I don’t want nor do I need that kind of drama, I just want her to go and live out her fabulous life down south and not be such a karma killer.

    I used to have on my Profile, My Karma ran over your Dogma…. I loved that saying… anyway

    So If your reading this, If you have an ounce of respect for yourself, and can admit your wrong or have gone to far. for the love of god, please do so, you are dragging this out way to long.  No one is bothering you, you are just stirring the pot, and then I am the shoulder after it hits the fan for those I have Friended only since it all happened.  Until then, the rest of us will enjoy what little time we have, to spend with one another.  I remember you saying you loved me like a sister,  Yes, I do……You need help and I really hope you find your happiness at the border of your insanity.

    Letting It GO

     

    This was written for a Well, Old friend who seems to have Issues,  they harbor the bad things and cannot walk away, Sometimes it is best if you just use happiness in yourself  as revenge.  If your reading this, I feel very bad for you,  your hatred and spitefulness has ruined your reputation, and you will never be the same person to many people.  Please just let it go. 

    I just cannot let it go, Maybe I need some meds,

    Whenever I think about you, before My eyes all I see are reds,

    I think maybe I loved you, maybe I was obsessed,

    But all I know is now, I am a total mess,

    I cannot function without the drama, I cannot just let it go,

    most sane people look at me, and yes, I know they know,

    I am firmly planted here, somewhere in yesterday

    With disturbing thoughts and hatred, I cannot find my way,

    I for one am alone, surrounded by all these friends,

    It seems I still cannot let go, where does this pain finally end?

    I think I am sane, but my actions speak so very clear,

    I know I was hurt, but that has taken over I fear,

    I cannot stop this behavior, Nor can I let it rest,

    I am still plotting and planning, I have become the people I detest.

    August 11, 2011

    Funny Online Series

     

    Ok, This was a gift of sorts, by a friend,  He introduced it to me, and we watched the whole series,  It is hilarious.   I loved wathing it and still do,  If you bored, Need something to do Or just want to laugh, I for one have never played Zelda but this applies to any gamer…

    Oooolllld Mannn….

    here is the site with the Videos, Start at Episode one and just keep going,  You won’t stop laughing.

    http://www.effinfunny.com/legend-of-neil/seasons?vid=342&sid=1

    August 9, 2011

    Emotional Ties that Bind

     

    Being human in a virtual world.  Funny how our emotions play such a big part.  I remember joining and thinking, Eh its just a game, But it is as much of a game as you allow your self to emotionally open up to the people you choose to surround yourself with.  My first partner, I was 100 percent emotionally invested in. at the time, I guess I needed to put as much into my virtual world, since I had nothing else to involve myself.  Then it occurred to me, This kinda hurts,  It was not appealing after, I wanted to crawl into a Real life hole somewhere after it had ended, Like a real break up, I went through the stages, The sadness the depression, the regrets, the weight loss and I was the one who stepped away, For good reasons on both our parts.  It was the best option for that time. 

    Time went on, I decided to become a cold  Unfeeling bitch.  It was easier that investing in someone, that I did not know, someone I could not see nor feel.  It was hard.  Ok, Seb, You get 15 more Minutes of fame here.   In walked Seb,  He was what I would call a Fantastic reason to hide, But even more of a reason to open up.  He  made me break out of my shell, at least for a while.  It was very short lived due to his love for well, So many other people.  To share the love Is one thing, To bull shit your way through it, Entirely another.  I am guessing when you always know what to say, and when to say it, is a gift of sorts.  For him it was more like the Lock that sealed my emotional lockbox.  It was his alt trying to pick me up that kinda screwed him,  If your going to try to pick me up on another avatar.. Umm Don’t be you, Be someone one else Okay……

    Your real life does not have to be empty to need something, Maybe you have it, but want more, granted that may be greed, But sometimes emotionally you are never satisfied.  So I have deemed Secondlife my emotionally driven obsession to be happy.  I have no partner, No people writing sweet stuff in their profile.  I am alone and completely fine with that.  Do I have Options, Gawd yes, but most don’t take the time to get to know me.  They disappear into a list of online people that are looking for people to fill their clubs and Sex Feigns.   You kinda put yourself there yourself.   I will talk to anyone, Hence I have usually 80 people easy online at all times, and I may talk to 10 of you.  Why? because those 10 have made me feel comfortable, Welcome and happy to share. 

    Getting attached in secondlife to friends, lovers or whatever you would like to call them is impossible.  I have been a cold hard bitch for well over a year now.  Thank you Seb.  I still give a shit about a lot of people on my friends list,  and some not on my friends list, But that is a whole other blog.   As much as I want to say I am not tied to anyone I cannot,  It is Impossible.  Some people I can close my eyes and still see as I drift off to sleep.  others I can taste and feel in my dreams.   It is impossible to separate some things, the only thing you can count on is your ties that bind you to a virtual world of strangers that have allowed you to see a part of their soul, given you a part of their heart, and made you feel like you somehow belonged.

    August 8, 2011

    Sick but Still Sassy

     

    So I am stuck in the hospital,  Nothing to do, But sit, and wait,  The sounds of feet up and down the hall,  The nurses laughing and bickering at the station outside my door, and the sound of the Bitch in the next bed over complaining it is to cold, to warm or Just not Freaking Perfect.   It has occurred to me, This is real life…. I don’t want to particularly be here, It was kinda a fluke how I got here… and I doubt I will be back soon ether.  Long story short, I had like a flu, which screwed with my immune system, as it will, and then out of nowhere, my anemia kicked in full throttle. I forget I even have it, It does not bother me much, but it does creep up on occasion and then by the time I figure out what is up, I am in a hospital bed wondering why I feel like death warmed over on a smorgasboard of life, but it is still My life,  My Real Life… I have my phone, which has kept me partially sane till I nodded off last night, I personally think their version of ambien is quite good here.. Hospital strength.  and I slept for 11 hours straight, I never do that, I am usually up in 6 wide awake surfing the net or watching behind the music reruns.  So after being poked and Prodded, and attached to an IV for Well Ok, like 17 hours I am ready to go home,  When I got here the sheets were cool and crisp, the numbing sounds of the AC unit outside was calming, Now It is just plain irritating.  I am sure the girl next to me, We will call her mary, Is a miserable person in life, No wonder her organs want out so bad.  I would be packing my stuff up to go if I had to listen to the constant bickering of bullshit.  but she is sleeping for now, I am happy.  So hopefully I can go home soon, I doubt Ill be “Me” again for a few days, Give my body a kick start with all the crap they are pumping Into me,  Wonder if they have a plastic surgery drip, wouldn’t that be great, 10K, but you leave looking like a barbie doll. Ill pay cash for that.  My goal in life right now is just to  get through the day and hopefully drive my ass home to a  welcome, comfortable room, My own,   Oh, Back to mary, My  flower of joy in the bed next to me, a curtain pull away.  She was complaining this am, that her bed was to firm, Now last night it was to soft, I am sure it is nether, she is just miserable.  She has a pain killer drip… Umm, I need one to stay in this room.  The nurse offered to move me, But I declined, I am 2 doors from the nurses station, and most of them are very cool and have been good to me, Thank you god for universal phone chargers… Well they just did the hopefully LAST run of tests,  they are making sure I am not harboring any other things which I cannot spell so Whatever, I guess If I need to know them they will let me know.  Besides being just plain outright tired with a hazed fluffy feeling I swear I am perfectly healthy.  Until I figure out something more interesting to blog about Ill Let this go… Hugs and health to all.

    August 7, 2011

    Songs That Talk

     

    Don’t we all have those few songs that we can Listen to over and over again, Ones that No matter what, will stay with us.  Ones that comfort us, calm us aand make us go back to maybe a time that we want to go, Or ones that allow us to let those memories go.  Here is a few Of my all time fav songs and why they are my favorite.

    Poor Bozz

    I knew a guy, He was for what its worth a bit confused, and very lost, His name Inworld was Bozz, and since quit.  He used to dedicate this song to me at live shows.  I never understood the underlying meaning until much later, He did need someone to save him, He needed someone to stand up to him, and I did, But I also walked away and never looked back.  Bozz Unplugged was a screwed up guy but hopefully he has found himself in the last few years.

    Beauty is only a Moment away

    When your standing in the middle of everything, It is sometimes hard to see the reality of the whole situation.  The loss of someone is hard but we all have to  let go of someone at something for one or another reason.   I have never heard a sadder more strengthening song ever, It relaxes me to the point where I fall In and out of love every time this plays.  Listen to this guys other songs also, They are all Very good, but this is Far my fav of them all. 

    Christian Rock.

    Ok, I am driving and I am scanning the radio in an area I am not used to being in, I hear this song, I stop. You are More than the choices that you made, You are more … I am In love with this song…. I have No clue who these guys are, But they have a new fan.  I am not a Huge Christian rock girl But these guys are very talented, and this song speaks volumes, You are only accountable for your actions from now till eternity. 

    Rob Thomas

    Most people know his mainstream hits, But this is my choice for those less known ones, It is beautiful in the simplicity of the message,  He sings it as if he has been there and realized that sometimes you have to admit defeat before you can move on and fix it.  Mellow and smooth….

    Alternate Addiction

     

    In secondlife we all have well an avatar, I would say say the majority of those out there have 2.  We are Known by one, maybe hide on another alt account and call it a day.  Well there is extremes to everything I guess.  and here are 2 People who have both gone to an Extreme.

    We will call this guy Seb.  He Is in RL a white collar worker, Loves country music, Sings Very well, has a charm as smooth as butter and well, He is Alt addicted.  This story is only interesting because I came upon this Information by chance, Pure Luck, that and he tried to pick me up as one of his alts, while trying to partner me on yet another account.  We spent hours talking, and at night he would sing to me, George Strait all Love songs, Check yes or no, I cross my heart, He was my sweet country singer.   Then it happened,  On my security system at that time, I had an issue and logged in.  It gave me a list of people who had visited the lot, a lil red button asks “See Alts” I press it, My heart drops. I still believe some of the things he said, Like, He was a very talented writer, the story about the turtles was very sweet for a childrens book.  The fact the had children, both athletic,  and also the fact that he liked me, but I am not into polygamy, nor do I think the other 5 girls on the other accounts were,  I never said a word, I just disappeared Into my own virtual haven, a small crack in my otherwise tarnished heart and moved on.  Lindsay and sebastian, relaxin All in all, I do believe my last count of his fake accounts was 15.  He denied it, as any man would, and stopped logging as my Country singing, soft voice in the night, never to reappear online again, well that and he marked it so I could not see he was online.  

    At the time when I found out about all the excess accounts, I did not go all bat shit,  No, I did not yell, Nor did I call him names, I made sure Our last night together was memorable, told him to make his choices and sent him off.  You see, Boy genius was partnered and or attached on 5 other accounts for his own twisted reasons.  I do miss him, why I was not hurt, I am not sure, But I guess I did not have the strength to hate him at that point.   Funny thing, We still say hi on occasion, He ignores me when it is better for him, not sure he realized what he did to me as far as all his bull shit lies, but that is an entirely another blog. He told me about a Month ago his reasoning back then was “He got caught up in stupid”  well, apparently I fell for stupid, So who is smarter?

    Next on my list and last is the Keeper.  Keeper is a collector of sorts, they make them because they are bored, Maybe they liked a different avatar, maybe they want to try a new role play, The keeper has about 30 avatars.  I cannot say I have met them all, I really cant,  even they cannot remember who I have met, I am friends with 3 or 4 of their avatars, and the rest are little pieces of magnetic dusty images of one late night they allowed me to meet the New master, the Cyborg, The rocker chick, the street thug. 

    d n lindsay

    Me and the Keeper

    I have known keeper a long time in secondlife,  he is personable, amusing and has a kind heart, Yea he may have a few slaves, but really in secondlife what guy hasn’t had or wanted a few.  unlike the above, he is not a avid partner freak, nor does he go out and look for the next best thing, He create them like art, to the body piercings, the guitar and ammunition.  He is a stickler for detail, If I see a store is going out of business I send it his way, See who he creates to have yet one more avatar.   It is something to do, and something to also track,  have no clue how long his list is now, nor would I ask, Not my place.  But I know they have enough to crash a sim, If they were able to log as all of them, 

    Two times I have gotten to hang with his one alt, a rocker guy, He looks edgy, He looks wild, He looks like in Real life a broken heart is just a few hours  away, but maybe that is all you need.  Dancing to the live music on the ever so popular intan dance balls, he talks to to the live musician singing, about the view “I only can see who I am with, She is all I need”.  *Shakes head*  Umm Yea.. Back to reality….  He is to a charmer,  but an edgier one, and no lies, just the moment, I cant promise you tomorrow, But Tonight, well that is entirely a different story. 

    Untitled

    A Few of the Keepers Alts

    I think people make alts for their own reasons, maybe to just fill in empty time, others to make it a multiple second life tiered like a Star trek chess set on Ecstasy with all Female pawns,  Regardless, I guess my only advice would be Voice Verify, and well, Try to be yourself, as a friend told me the other day “If they had just been honest with me, we could have been friends, and someone here would have accepted them for Just that”.

    August 4, 2011

    Virtually Impossible to Compare

     

    It was 9:30 AM, The pillow was fluffy, almost heavenly against my face, Still cool as the air conditioning pushed out more cold air to fill the room.  In the distance I could hear Boats, a construction crew working on a Brand new 5 story Condo and then my friend in the next bed over, Stirring out of her hung over state.  My phone Beeped again…  Not opening My eyes I reached over to the bed side stand and grabbed my blackberry , finally squinting to see 5 missed messages.

    8AM “Good Morning”

    8:15 AM “are you here?”

    9AM “I am hitting the library for lunch, if you can come to Miami”

    9:05 “are you awake?”

    9:07comcasstic “Let me know if you get this”

    Going back, I did not see any of this coming.  I was an assistant at a telecommunications company, Loved my job was the company girl.  Once a month we got newsletters saying what was New, what was happening and what was in events,  there was a picture of a SIM they had built in this game called secondlife. I had a fascination for some reason and tried it, Not knowing what to think or expect.

    I remember first meeting him through a Person, whom I refer to as My other dad now, He had Blue hair, and a Blue tail… Yes, I was Intrigued.  We talked, we talked more, we never parted from hanging, Unless the other was not online.  this was only weeks Into my experience.   I had at this point purchased virtual land… I swear I was sane,  I had modified Dylana into My version of beautiful, a Polar opposite of me.  Long Black hair, soft olive skin and a body that was unlike the rest I saw, She did not need a cracker, But was voluptuous with reality.  I used to tell Him, People pay for my nose.  In real life I have the perfect nose. Not to big, Not to small. It is Just right.   We hung with new friends, did hunts,and he was my teacher, he taught me how to build in secondlife, that was July of 2007.

    November of 2007 was a turning point.  It was numerous hours of talking, sharing thoughts, secrets and dreams, talking about life, love, laughing and just being silly, stupid or sad, but whatever it was, we were there for the other.  We had a house on my lot, a skybox above and numerous memories that will never be repeated.   He disappeared for 20 Minutes promising to be right back as I was with our friends, I could hear them chatting in voice giggling but not saying a thing.   I received a Invite to Apollo, a Garden Sim for romance and dancing.  He was in a white suit, sitting down on a small patio surrounded by flowers and trees.

    After I sat down  and cuddled next to him I received this

    nov 2007hey hun .. babe..sweetie.. this is hard to say cuz its my first time and all but like ..well u know that i will alwys be beside you and care for you no matter what and even tho i make mistakes am a realy nice guy i dont mean any harm what so ever .. i mean am just human if i didnt make a mistake i would be in area 51 getting zapped by the zapper ( bk to topic) anyways and like i know that at times u want to just strangle me  ANYWAYS i just realy think that you are the person right for me in this game, in this world,..... in my world and i dont know how to say this but eversence i known you ever sence u came and asked me about my tail i fell in love woth you ((((((((( Would you want to be my partner ? here in SL ? ))))))))))))))))

    I of course said yes.  We had spent the last 5 months Inseparable, Knew each other like the back of our own hand. If one hurt the other hurt, If one laughed we were Both laughing, If one cried the other felt bad.  In sickness and in health we were one soul, a partnership built on love, honor, trust and ultimately friendship.  When he was sick, I felt horrible, my heart hurt knowing he was suffering.  I worried about him as if I could see, taste and feel him.  In a virtual world, your limitations are only that of your mind, and I had allowed him into my life, real life feelings and all.

    A virtual partnership is only as good as you make it and as good as the two people involved.  I have come to understand that I will Never in my lifetime have another relationship to compare to. We were in a virtual world  the definition of perfection.  In real life we were separate, we were different, we were not, well compatible, but in a virtual world we were each others biggest fans.  We learned from each others experiences, felt with real emotions and we gave our selves as he always said one hun. 

    trolo

    I was the rock and alternative chick, Never listened to hip hop, who grew a  love for T pain and Neyo.  He was Hip hop, now sending me Lifehouse songs and singing enrique inglasis in spanish, the best he could to make me smile.  I wrote him Poems, He made me pictures, we watched videos and shared every night possible together.  I taught him secrets of girls, we don’t normally tell, He told things about guys, that well, Most girls already know, But good to know we were right.  I helped him through real life issues, such as girls, job hunting and building up his confidence.  He gave to me the greatest gift, he gave me his shoulder to lean on, a content ear to listen and a soothing voice to calm me when life was just to much. 

     

    September 2009

    Rob Thomas – I love me some matchbox twenty.  It was the 23rd to be exact, My birthday.  I was still Hung over from partying in Florida our first night, but I had to text him Back.  Butterflies In my stomach, I jumped In the shower,  My friend threw on her suit and headed to the ocean to sun, I headed out of the Hotel, with a map in my hand of Downtown Miami and Flagler street marked, coming from Hollywood.  I had rented a 2010 red Mustang convertible, It was  beautiful,  I drove with the top down, Minimal make up due to the humidity, and my hair, well Not done like I would have in Michigan.  Sporting my Victoria's Secret Jean shorts and a red tank, I hit downtown Miami,  lets say I was not in Kansas anymore, I did not think I would ever make it in time.  I called him to say I had finally hit Flagler street, naming off places I was passing he kept saying come further, come further. Then I heard “OMG HI!” I looked to my right, He was standing and waving to me from a table street side with his co-worker.  My heart dropped.  Here was someone who probably knew me more than anyone, and I was scared as Hell.  I parked at a Parking area, 12 dollars for 30 minutes. walking down the streets of Miami, alone, my heart was racing, I could barely breath, let alone comprehend what was going to happen.  when I was only 20 feet away, his coworker saw me, I raised my finger to my lips to stay quiet, as I snuck up on him and gave him a hug from behind. It was the only thing I wanted to do, was to wrap My arms around him, Just once without the aid of a HUD.  He jumped, Looked at me. It was a cross between happiness and a deer in the headlights look, It was for both of us, surreal.  I talked to him, His co-worker, Beth I believe her name was and he stared at me, a lot.  I tried not to stare, I knew him, His thoughts, wants, his dreams, I knew he was in the same shock as I.  Idle chat later, lunch was over, I gave him another hug. He did not move, just looked at me, frozen.  I look back and smile, I think maybe he was more scared as me, or maybe I just hid it better.  I know he was happy to meet me, even if he could not communicate it.  I headed back to my vacation, 20 miles away,  Rob Thomas Was Great that night at the Hard rock CafĂ© in Hollywood. 

    January of 2010

    We had met in July of 2007, here it has over 2 years and 6 months later.  Times changes, People changes, Life changes.  Even around the time we had met, he was busy, a lot. Although he did not say it, I knew he had started seeing someone in real life, and was on maybe once a week  for an hour or so.  He felt bad, Guilty, he spent the first half apologizing and the second half trying to make up for lost time.  After a lot of thought, I knew I had to let him go.  Virtually Forever.  I remember sitting at my PC, trying to type it out,  an email to not hurt him, Or me in the long run.  I loved him enough to let him go, and wanted him to not  have me to make him feel guilty.  My eyes stung with every word, but I think I did ok.  He wrote me back, with his usual sweetness, apologizing once more for not being there for me,  and saying it was ok.  I know we both were hurt, but understood the circumstances. He quit after that, stopped logging.  I retired Dylana, she had been attached to him, and as far as I was concerned, she had nothing left.  It had been the best 2 and a half years of my Virtual life, I would never give up, nor would I ever try to repeat, that was Impossible.

    Trolo and Dylana  In Gazebo jun 2010July 2010

     

    Moving On

    It is hard sometimes to move on, but it is always possible, I know hurt feelings and broken hearts are inevitable.  He did come back to Secondlife 7 months later. I had become Lindsay, He was still, my best friend.  We still talk, although not as much. We both have the same dreams, wants and needs, just in separate spaces.  If he needed me, I would be there in a heartbeat, and I hope him for me.  It is August of 2011,4 years have passed since that chance meeting at neversedge night club.  He just got out of the Hospital. Needless to say it has been a hard week for me, I have been sick myself and knowing he was in the hospital made it harder, checking his Facebook page for updates, an email, anything.  He is home, and feeling better, and I am better now to.  For what its worth I will never capture what I had back then, Nor replace it. It is impossible to find a soul mate that matches as we did, and I doubt in the rest of my virtual life will I ever get that close to anyone ever again.  Yeah, I guess I thought I would, but I was wrong, I cannot say I look back on anyone else and feel as I do with such happiness, love and respect.  Our differences became our bond, Our bond became our future, and our future will forever be intertwined with each other, for all the smiles, the tears and the heartbreak.  Maybe we are not inseparable, we have different friends, , but he is still that guy, in a blue tail that Intrigued me. 

    trolo n lins

    Tro and Lindsay

    This Post is dedicated to him and the last 4 years of  my life, may your happiness be just around the corner, and may your know your always loved. 

    August 3, 2011

    All In a day

     

    So I have Been sick, Pretty Sick actually,  I am Pretty sure I have spent 90% of my time on ether the couch or in bed, amazing how everything around you can fall apart while you lay there in misery.  But, the good news is, I ate yesterday, Num, Toy story soup, It sucks, Don’t buy it… But I had to eat, Had been since Friday that I ate last.  My Virtual Romps have been Few if any at all.  I can feel Great One Minute then needing a nap  the next,  But at least the spurts of energy are coming more and more.  My hours are Pretty Screwed up, I was sleeping at 8PM then up at 2 AM wide awake… Never a good thing when you have a energetic 6 year old with a Love for driving cars over your face in the morning to wake you.  One morning, Cannot remember which it was, they are all blurred in a Weak haze, I got to see the Behind the Music with Enrique Inglasis, then fell back asleep during Christian Agulaira, I don’t think that is spelled right, But you know who that is. 

    Yesterday was an actual good day, Well, I had to drag my ass out, Get food, Coming home from vacation and not shopping much, I could let let my son live on fruit Snacks alone.  So I shopped.  But I also hit the Best buy,  I needed a External hard drive, ended Up with a 3Tb one and a lap top, Only I can walk out of best buy with a budget and leave with my bill Quadrupled.  I am still Pretty weak but I am sure once I start eating, I will be Much better, But then the thought does not make me giddy,  I am pretty happy with my gatoraid and the occasional water.  Highlight, I had a Pepsi yesterday, not having one since Friday, That kicked in and really gave me a Energy rush, But I used it all shopping.  So back to my couch for a bit, may grab a nap while I wait for the dryer repair guy who I am hoping is equipped with the right part.  I was In Secondlife only for a Lil bit last night, Sleepiness hit quick, I felt bad but getting up at 4 or 5 am lately is Kicking My ass,  Today it was 5 ish I got up, grabbed an hour nap on the couch b4 my son got up, and been cleaning since.  So here I am On my new Lappy, I am Kinda In love ATM with it.  It is sleek, clean and has No stuck or missing keys. Oh yes, In my sick state, I was on my other laptop, Thought I could fix it by popping off the key, Umm Don’t do that Ok, Not real Smart.. I have all 3 Pieces, Just cannot get em back on correctly,  So that will go to my friend to fix.  Ok, I am Out,  I want to toss on some make up, doing the Milf look today,  My hair is Curly and Piled On my head,  but I don’t want to look all pale and sick ether.  Hugs to all, and May your Virtual day be full of Minimal Crashes, No Viruses, and Fast Uploads.

    Peace Out

    August 1, 2011

    Dear john……..

     

    It is not you, Its Me….I Need to find myself……… I'm scared…….I cannot pretend anymore……Amazing how you can et caught up in the innocence of twisted fate, the current takes you and makes you think there is a destination, With no ending.  It is called, my life.

    Dear John,

    I am not who you think I am, Nor am I half as strong as I say,  therefore, It is my duty, I must walk away.

    Dear John,

    I wish you happiness, and all of whatever you are looking for, But I cannot help you, No I cannot help you any More

    Dear john,

    I have gotten to close, and emotionally attached to the nothingness that is you,  It is no ones fault, I just need to do what I have to do.

    Dear John,, 

    Your empty promises that I took with a grain of salt still lie on the surface of my thoughts and sting, It is with real sorrow, I see no tomorrows, No Happiness to bring.

    Dear John,

    Emotionally right now, I am just way to weak, Please do not mind, If I choose not to speak.

    Dear John,

    I thought we had something special, a connection between,  But I know that my moment is over, so we shall wipe the slate clean.

    Dear John,

    It hurts me to say, and mutter the words goodbye,  But this is the last time, You will ever make my heart cry.

    Dear John,

    I have hit my limit, and you told me to say, So I am telling you now, I wish you a good day.

    Dear John,

    After being as I have, Physically and emotionally so weak, I can finally see the outcome, it is mild and meek,

    It is twisted into lies with a taste of deceit, it is the passion that generates when two lovers meet,

    It is smiles and laughter, but only for that day, For the call of another is just a moment away,

    It is knowing that I never will have with you, Something to to grasp, a feeling so true,

    My Dear John, Please, Do understand,  I am pure emotion and giving, Unlike a Man,

    I hurt and I cry and I feel more than I say, But I am strong enough yet to smile and walk away

    So, Dear john, With this being said, I consider this future, Partially dead,

    Lets shakes heads and accept the defeat of my heart, and go back to the beginning, Where we first start.