The Redundancy of Relationships

 

Here I go again,  back on the relationship  Shout out… I get pulled Into this shit I swear.    I am not sure why I am writing this, If it is for myself or for someone else, But its my blog so If you don’t like it, Press the pretty Red X at the top right and call it a day.

I Wrote one a while ago called “What a girl wants” which entailed expectations of myself, and probably most people of any sex, the basis of it was respect with the bullets of the normal things our Significant others trend to screw up on. Seriously, My last boyfriend was a culprit of all but 1 or 2, He was my inspiration, But it all fairness, He is not a bad guy, just a bad boyfriend. 

Here is where I did not clarify the steps – Where does it begin, I mean this is not something You slip Into and wake up and say Oh Shit I have a boyfriend, but then for some, a few to many and yea, it happens in the moment of stupidity when our beer/whiskey/margarita glasses are on. 

The Beginning

Really it all starts with communication, something that usually loses it luster in time, But communication and  attraction,. if one is lacking then a friendship entails.  Sometimes you are friends and something happens, maybe  one starts to like the other and then more time is spent together and a bond grows,  but Undoubtedly attraction and communication have to take place and this is where honesty is key, If you pretend to be someone your not, there is going to be hell to pay down the road.

Jane meets Jim, Jim is wearing a NY Yankees Jersey, they strike up a conversation, Jane tells Jim how much she LOVES baseball, their first date is a game, their 3rd date is a game, 2 years later Jane wants to cry because she is now engaged and her wedding gift from her husband is season tickets to every game, Jane despises every sport out there Including arguing, So Jane is stuck in baseball hell or she has to tell Jim she has been lying for the last 2 years about loving the sport

Be Honest People, If Jane would have thought this out, maybe she could have said, I have never been to a game, but maybe you could teach me about it, and go from there, Now if he can fall for her during this process and she still hates it, she is better off, maybe she can buy him the tickets for a wedding gift for him and HIS friends to go…. Huge Difference!

So lying is bad, we all learned this In elementary school and at home, it is not something that should be part of the relationship cycle although More Common that not.

Senrario 2 – This is a personal one for me, I am to honest for my own good. Chatting about  the state fair, I said me and my best friend go every year.. He said he was going on Saturday to, so as the day drew nearer, I had to fess Up I had no clue what was there,  let alone where it was.  I finally said she had to back out, and that I was not able to go, he then said his friend was not ether, and why don’t we go together.  It ended up being the best date ever, I got the Biggest Bear at the game booths we hit the bar after and I would say 4 months into the relationship it was common knowledge we got together on both of us telling a white Lie, BUT we were both smart enough to not keep up the lie, that is small, Not life changing, it was the state fair, I mean really, how many games are in a season of baseball….. Umm, I don’t mind an occasional game, but I am not painting my face and going ape shit over a white ball going 60 MPH toward a dude In a Leather glove.  Now if you like Hockey, That is a sport with balls… Ha Ha.

Bottom Line don’t sugar coat yourself – no one is perfect, and really if they cannot like you for who you are, the curb is an appropriate place to leave them, If your generous, give them fare for a cab on their way out.

The stupid stage

All people that are at the beginning have this stage – it is the Lovey dovey sick stage where your friends want you to just get a room or talk in sign language so they don’t have to hear ll the Mushy crap, we all like being loved, and we all think its going to last forever, Right?  Did you ever fall for someone thinking, Ok he will be an asshole in 3 months, so I should start looking for someone else now?  No that is not our thinking, But what we do like is the assumption that they are there for just us, and that we are their world, I say assumption because unless this has been stated we are taking it on ourselves to fill in the blanks.  it is after the stupid stage that you find out what really makes them tick.

The Beginning Of the end of the rest of your life

After the Pretty wears Off, all that is left is you, and them,  if the bull shit out weighs the real you, you might as well of not hit the stupid stage, it was time wasted, it was pretty much all for show and the only things that get Prizes for show are Dogs and Horses… Last I looked I was not one of them.

The key to figuring out if your compatible is Logic, well If Logic agrees with your emotions,  Logically do you fit? this is not a Disney movie, he is not going to whisk you away on a horse,  there is going to be No horse drawn carriage, just him, sitting around in his sweats, On the couch asking you what's for lunch… Is this logical for you?  Did You want to spend every minute with him, and he you? Is there an emotional bond besides the one you two found at that hotel last spring and try to reinvent every other day?

The trouble with Men

They have no clue WHAT they want, No that is not true, they want the bakery most of the time, Why get a Cream Puff every day when there is so many Yummy things to try, even if the cream puff is their favorite  and they always go back to it eventually, they want to try them all out before making that call.

For gods sake Let them, and if they lose you to their own sweet tooth, their lose, I mean really are you that small, worth that little that you are going to pine over some guy walking around with a donut one day and a Muffin (top) the next.  If you were to push him at this point he is ether A going to run, or B going to cheat and not feel guilty because , well he was pushed into the relationship so, it is not his fault he wants to try that New flavor in the window….. Let him have his fun and when the one good thing he had is happy with someone else, Well goes down to his lose and maybe he will learn next time.

Don’t think this only goes for guys, this is for the girls to, But we use our emotions to rule or destiny, allowing for an extreme judgmental error which will occur numerous times in our lifetime.  If we Love him, that is the end all Be all of it, no one else is good enough,  Take a step back, see other people, have fun, learn about them give them a chance to get to know you.  He may be your happiness when Mr. Perfect has not made up their mind.

The Bitter Truth with a Cherry On top

Scenario

Jim and Jane again –Eh easy names to use -  Jim likes Jane a lot, but is not Sure, Jane likes Jim, and wants to be with him but did not push because well, She thought it out, and knew better than to lead that horse to water……smart girl.

Now the ball is in Jims park, he will be making the calls on this game, But that does not stop Jane from still wanting him, It just gives her extra time to find someone else she likes better, Yes, Guys do not think about that, Ha ha, But it is true, Jane can go out, have fun, Meet people, hang with the girls and screw around all she wants, Even do things Jim would be shocked at, BUT she is using Logic, If he cannot commit, You must acquit.  Jim if he is the right guy for her will hopefully figure out his needs before she figures out there is better, It is a balancing act really.  In the perfect scenario, Jim figures out the others are just a Filler and she is the one, the bottom Line the end all be all of his Ying and yang, they live happily ever after

If not, Jane has met new people, made new contacts, and hopefully after a night or 2 of eating ice cream and watching cheesy 80s movies is back out there and once again having fun,

Love sucks since there is not rules, and when there is rules applied to love it must be equal – what's that saying, what's good for the goose is good for the gander? still holds true today.

 

Peace Out – For now …………….

Music and Me

 

I Love Meeting new People, getting to know them and the best way to do that is to hear their Music – Music says what the soul and heart are thinking.

Music can break Barriers, Get across  thoughts feeling and gestures that we as humans are not able to comprehend.  I Liston to Music all day, We all have out favorite songs, Ones that make us cry, Ones that take us back to that day, Ones that remind us of that loved one, and ones that can turn a black cloud into a sunny day.

No Matter what we are, Feel, See, Hear, Music  can help us understand, Relate and share what we are feeling to those we are close to, Not close to, Or want to e close to.  I have Been Introduced to so many songs from people, all Different types, All ones that I love now and would have Missed out if I would not have taken the time to ask that one question “What are your Favorite songs”.  It is those and the ones sent to me randomly that mean the most, the random ones are special because I know that at the time they are sending me that Link, when they heard that song, I popped Into their Mind, I am honored to have such good friends who do appreciate me, as I do them.

I just wanted to share a few Of my Favorite songs – One that have been sent to me over the last year. One that maybe you have not heard, and will to add to your collection of, Songs that tall my story.

This song Is so Special to me, Sent to me from a friend,  They said when they sent it to me, That it was how they felt, No matter what, We will always have each other, and I know that I feel the same,  through the good the bad and the ugly, Our friendship will overcome all.

This song  sent from another friend, Is so Mellow and flowing, about how people see you, and accept you for who you are, they only see the beauty and the goodness. (No one is a complete angel Er.. Right) But fall In love with who you are and the energy they feel around you…. I Like it a lot

This One is so Catchy, Whenever I listen to it, My head bobs up and down, I have never heard it till a few days ago along with the Amber song, and they are now 2 of my favorites in my playlist, they differ in beat, but the message is still the same, acceptance. 

Have you ever heard a song that was so Not something you would listen to but fall into it so easily, this was it for me, this song speaks volumes and her voice chills me. I came across it one day and decided I needed to listen to all of their stuff… I was not disappointed.

This one is More Personal for me, It is that song when after you would have given someone the world and they Screw it up, Big time… It tells the story of a relationship where she finally grows up and out of that relationship, and how It is not her that loses out, She gains her freedom and happiness.  Not everyone is a country music fan, But if you have ever had a Broken Heart, this song is for you.

Maybe I’m Amazed–Paul McCartney

This one was sent to me by yet another person, Who at the time Meant this to be for me, I am not very versed in older tunes, but they were a Plethora of music knowledge, and what they lacked in newer stuff I gave them.  The words so True, It is scary to fall, completely and give yourself away, But Maybe this is it.  I love this song now, and many of the others by the Beetles.

This song alone speaks Volumes to me, It was My song Mutually with a friend of Mine, We shared so Much together, Love, laughter, and heart break… I am not sure what would do without this song, Let alone this friend.  XoXo

What are you songs? What tells Your story? Please share with me,  Leave a Link Below, and Let me get to Know you.

My Meeroos and Me

(Pictures to be added this Evening)

 

Ok, I was DJing one night and I receive a Gifty of sorts with some type of Numbers, I have No Flipping clue what it is, Nor what to do with it, Then I receive a IM from C who who Sent it to Me, It is a Meeroo and he is Of course breeding them.  Any animal that comes Out, C is going to have a small stockpile somewhere and he is going to Be Shipping me one or 3.

So I rez this thing, Looks Like a Lil Hole covered In grass and its name is “Prince Charming” Personality is Lazy and It is from the United states.  Now I feel Like I have already bonded with this Lil guy, Having dated Most of the Lazy prince charming's.  Ok, Enough of the Jokes, But seriously, He could not have picked a Better name or Temperament for me.

After watching a Video with a Nice treasure chest and instructions, I have figured out, well, I don’t have a chest, I have a Mound of grass… Now I am confused, Which is not hard to do since the blonde hair can sometimes take over the more intellectual portion of my brain.  I don’t Call it a Blonde Moment, I call It a daily Process.  I jump Into search on the V2 Viewer, only because I am then on my laptop and of course come across everything Meeroo except for the main HQ. *Shakes Head* Ok Linden Lab you really need to work on the search, bouncy Boobs is great but a broken search for how long now….. apparently this was given to a Linden who does not do coding, only Hits meetings and eats donuts. 

Random IM: Come See My new dreamscape

So I do, I have given Up on trying to coax out a meeroo without a home.…..

Smart Decision, Their friend had Meeroos and gave me all the Information I needed,

Back On the Big girl PC, I rez My nest again and then head off to the store, I bought the Stone House and a few things Of berries, After rezzing those I click Coax again, I see the Eyes blink a few times and wait the 120 Seconds,

I wait…

and I Wait….

OMG I am Still Waiting…………….

Bam!  Out comes My New Little Friend, My Lazy ass Prince charming, the Cutest Lil 3D Virtual Guy I have ever seen (all Xs Excluded, Some of you were cuter and had charm)

I Play with my hud and decided Prince Needs his friend (I was also Gifted a Lil Girl to mate with him) I named her Cinderella, Poor girl is going to have the same dating luck as Me,

*Laughs -  I don’t think I have it to bad…..

Cinderella and Prince charming run around the steps of my home, Chirping and digging up random Items, Asking for snuggles which melts My  real heart every time.  I DID NOT want a Meeroo, I had no plans on getting close to one, But as fate would have it, I was given 2 very sweet ones who I plan on mating so I can give some smiles back to my friends for free, I believe In paying it forward…..

If you want, Hit me up Inworld or stop by Mondani Tesori Sim to see my 2 new Lil 2 day old meeroos, They Love to be Hugged.

Forsaken City

 

 

In a world full of angels and demons, Sometimes there is a shift in goodness, and the Demons  make their way, one by one, creeping into every corner of your soul, they inhabit your thoughts your dreams and your desires, It is then, you will appreciate “Forsaken City”.  It is a Role Play Sim for the Urban Neko, Vampire, Grunge patrons of Secondlife. Nice thing, You do not have to be all or any of those things to RP there, I was, Well a Neko that particular day,and was hunting for a place to do some Grunge/Neko Pictures. 

 

When I landed there, I was given some Information as to where I was and where the RP areas were.  I know some RP Sims and harsh, if I was to just so much as  land there I would be bombarded with IMs, taunting, teasing and pulling me into their storyline. I decided to check out the OOC area (out of character) and found a small city block, with a bus stop, dilapidated car, Bag lady giving away free Kitties (BONUS)  and, well it was definitely fitting for the RP.  

I was Impressed with what I had seen and tipped the trash can and then received an IM, "Hey thanks for the Tip”. I tip places ALL the time, Seldom do I get a thank you, Unless it is automated from the tip jar, even if they are standing next to me.  The IM was from Raine  (KenDevil Raine) one of the Owners along with  Dolly Devill and Riley Dark matter.

Raine and Me at one of the Local Hangouts

 

This sim has so many Hidden places, I doubt you would be able to find them all,  I was taking picture after picture, and I could have taken 100 more,  it is so true to life, from the street sighs, to the textures at the sim edges that I admit I walked Into a few times thinking I could. This city has every thing Packed into one sim, so you don’t have to look hard to find another player to RP with, and I found everything from apartments, Gas station, Police station, insane asylum (I felt at home there ha ha ) Highway, Hospital, Huge Skateboard area, Pawn shop, Diner I cannot even remember all the places there, and all were equally as detailed and lots of room for 2 or 20 people to RP in an area.

 

I spoke to Raine and I got some information from him for those who want to RP there.

1. This is a “Old Fashioned” Role Play sim, No Combat Huds (Weapons Permitted for show)  no Bloodlines Bite Requests, all typing, Let your fingers make your storyline and let it flow.  It is an Adult rated sim so there are no limitations, as long as all parties involved are comfortable. 
   
2. The Club Is OOC when Events are going on, Usually once a week a Huge party is thrown and from the sounds of it, A LOT is given away.
   
3. The shops are also OOC, but a lot have the gear if you want to grab a quick outfit change, You will find it there.
   
4. It is a family run sim, It is there for all to chill, hang out and have fun.

Here is the NC Information that you get there as a background to the sim.

a bustling place, full of hard working, honest people. The city was alive, prosperous, and full of energy. Sadly, that was before they came......"they" being the creatures of the night. Some say the whole thing started years ago when the first of the night  walkers made their way to Forsaken City. This night walker fell in love with a mortal and god himself damned the city, allowing a sort of "open door" for the rest of em to come along. What I know for certain is that eventually the Government gave up trying to control the situation and wanting to keep the rest of the human race safe, they cut off all ties with the city. Years later, Forsaken City is still a bustling city (though not so alive and prosperous), with something always going on. The few humans that still walk the city streets have learned to coincide with these beasts, making themselves useful to them (in turn allowing themselves to live long, and sometimes not so healthy lives).

Below is a List of the contacts you can chat to Inworld, I have been Popping by on occasion now that I have made a few great friends there, So if you decide to stop in, Check your Radar, I may be drinking at the club, Or hanging out in one of the Secret areas I was Lucky enough to be shown. I want to say thanks to Raine and Payne for making me feel so welcome, I look forward to seeing you Inworld.

Payne and Riley Hanging out at Club Forsaken

 

KenDevil Raine (Raine) - Owner Riley Darkmatter - Owner DollyDeVil - (Payne) Owner Jessa Alba - RP Admin

 

Technorati Tags: Secondlife,Forsaken City,Urban,role play,RPG

 

Saturday Stuff and Little Things

I Went to bed at 3 AM this morning, Not the smartest of choices I have made, But all in all a good time, needless to say 7AM came quickly and I felt like I had been whacked by a mail truck, driven by a disgruntled employee.  I could have been worse though, I could have been drinking. 

I spent 2 days this last week (well Okay, Not 2 FULL days but a good portion of them)  taking pictures of that SIM, I have over 100, and I know damn well you don’t want to see all 100 of them, If you do Perchance they are uploaded to my flicker. So , as I thought I would have started writing the Blog by now, It is just to damn nice to be inside, I cannot do it. and I doubt tonight will be an option ether,  I do believe I have plans already. Another story all together. I will get to it soon though, It is on my list of things to do, along with coaxing My Meeroo out of its nest and figure that out.

Sneak Peak @ the SIM

My Meeroo, I tried to coax, But it did not seem to want to come out yet, I looked Online and saw there is a treasure chest, I don’t have a chest, IDK where to get a chest, Ill get with My buddy, He said he would help  me.

Saturday Night plans, Well, I am thinking about DJing again On Saturdays, Not sure though if I will, I stepped back for a while, the place I was at, just reminded me of old stuff to much. I may be able to let stuff go easily, But my memory is a curse.  But I am guessing Ill be with T again, he has really tried hard to crack me, I give him Kudos for  sticking it out.   We Hung with his friends last night, Well One person ended up being a Mutual friend but had fun none the less, I told them I had gotten a Meeroo, and none of them even knew what one was, I explained it was a Virtual animal that kinda  looked like a cross between a donkey and kangaroo (Not don’t quote me, I have never actually seen One up close)

D: I have a Meeroo, In My pants

T I have a Meeroo for you Linds

MEEROO

Yes, They all had fun with the Meeroo term, It stuck till the end of the evening (Or Morning so to speak), That and D new shoes… No wonder they were discounted.. Umm Hello…..

After dancing for 3 hours and then hanging with Ts friends for 2 more hours, I was hit, we both logged and called it a day/Morning/Evening. 

As you can tell I am not adding names to my Posts, I doubt people want to be named, and if they do, they will tell me.  T I am sure would not care, But I still don’t add him. It is My Blog, and well, I like to keep the specifics out, It is My Opinion here and really, My perception is just that, mine only.

Random IM:

Looked at your Flickr, Nice Pics

Me: Thx

You two make a cute couple

Ok, Now this was just a sim owner guy, I was getting the tour of the sim, Even though this was just random IM, I still felt the need to explain and No, We are not a couple, amazing how pictures can be misconstrued and taken out of context.

Ok, It is so nice Out, I Must go, I have no Complaints ATM, Once I do my Smart ass side will be out, Give it an hour, My sons dad will be by, I will undoubtedly have a streak after that.  .

Updates and Other Crap I need to say

I am working On 2 Blogs Right Now, One will hopefully Be done Tomorrow.

1. I am the Owner of a ... Can not Believe I am saying this *takes a Deep Breath*
MEEEROO! Yes... I am going through the Process Of Ownership Etc. I will be happy to share My opinions after I Figure this Umm Blog-O-Mentary on the ownership, and what I am sposed to do with this random item in my Inventory LOL..... Even worse, I did Not ask for this Responsibility, It was Just a Thoughtful gift...*Scribbles note to say thank you again*

2 I found a Cool Sim, It is a RP sim, Free to join and visit, although I am Not a RPG girl, The place looks great for Pictures, I have met the sim owner who more than generously offered to give me the deluxe tour and so I am going to check it out and Give you some Pieces of Interest as to what to Expect if you go there. So far I see very friendly people and a Family like atmosphere.

Ok, I am done for now, I think I am going to take a few On the couch, I have worked already for the day so I am Beat, 5 AM comes so early,.... *Growls*

Hugs to all, and NO I am not a member of the Meeroo Loving team yet, I am happy with my 2 Prim dogs and cat at the house.

What a girl wants… At least this One

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Blessed, The Borrowed and the Bulge

                                             

I sit here eating My Tuna Fish sandwich for lunch, No dressing, Just Lemon Juice and a Diet Dew. and I want to Know Why I am Not the Blessed, I mean Come on, I remember Jen, My BBF In Elementary school, She had the Body of a stick and Sucked down marshmallows Like there was a shortage.  I would sit across from her at lunch with carrot sticks, a PB and Jelly Sandwich and a white milk. 

As long as I can remember I was Never the Lucky one, I would walk by and glance at a bakery and collect all the calories available in the window, so Others that bought them did not pay.  Yes I was the Giver – I Gave them the Permission to eat in hopes that one day we would all even out, that my weight would somehow be small on a curved grading scale at least.

Then there is all the diets, *Shakes Head and Hides face* now I am not a total Idiot I know HOW to Lose weight

Calories Ate - Calories Lost doing Physical Activity =  Outcome

Lets say I am Being Really Good one day, Only one, because as Much as I like to say I'm an angel, I am in love with Carbohydrates

I could make it through one day and Be all Up on Dieting, and By 11 PM the next day, Polish off a Huge Bowl or Cocoa Pebbles Or Lucky Charms.

BUT I did Come across a Few Cool new tools to play with, Maybe I can Borrow some will from someone else and keep Up the dieting.

Weight Calculator with Calories Per day

Cool Website to help with your tracking

The One thing that I am trying now is Calorie shifting, Since I am more than capable of starving a Few days, and Eating well a few days and Binging Only in occasion,  it helps your body stay a bit confused as to how many calories It expects.

Bottom Line is though, I don’t Hate Jen for being so Effin Skinny, Really I like My body, It may not be perfect, But No ones is, I am the only person who can PERFECTLY be Me ALL the time and you know what, I am Not really hungry right now, so maybe I’ll go take a walk.

No Internet + Bad Talent on TV = Early Night

{EAV_BLOG_VER:432d17374ef4dd96}

I really have nothing to say today,  I am pretty, what is the word,   accepting maybe a bit tired, toss in some bad mood for good measure since once again, on a Sunday my cable/internet went out.  No way to reach customer service,  it ether rang busy or hung up on you, Fantastic Cable and customer service Broadstripe! I think I am going to screw up your stocks on Empire Avenue if I get the chance.  I did call this AM at 5:22, and they DID have a recording from 2 and a half hours after the cable went out. “we are aware your cable is out, and we are working very hard to restore it , Our ETA is 5am” *Looks at watch*  maybe they meant  Mountain time *Growls*.   I am usually not that customer that complains,  But 2 Sundays in a row, My life has had to adjust to their lack of service. Unlike other cable providers, they have NO customer service on the weekends, and their cable/internet ALWAYS goes out on a saturday or sunday, after the allotted time that I may even have a snowballs chance in hell to get some help.  Apparently some big game was on, IDK, I did not pay attention, I went through and started couponing early, decided to watch some local TV and was entertained by American Dad and Family Guy. Once Americas Got Talent came on, I  noticed, ummm, We really are not clear on what the term “Talent” means.  I would reference a dictionary term here for good measure IF I had cable service so you will have to take my word.

Talent : To do something well, To have the ability do to better than most,  To achieve at a high standard in an area performing dance, singing, Being funny, or any other creative avenue.

Ok that in my mind is talent, to be GOOD, Key word here is good,  and a lot of people lacked that.  There was a 3 some of rappin boys, ages 5,6 and 7. They were cute”, as can be, One lil boy explained how that met “We went to school, and were listinin to da wadio n we started wappin together”  It was very cute, and they were Not bad, I can only Imagine a Lil Usher, 50 cent and Drake coming out in say 10 years. (Hopefully no Soulja Boy, Poor kid had only 12 min of fame).  Being a white girl, I am not going to rap anytime soon, I give Kudos to those that can, My mouth has a capacity to sing badly in the shower to ALL Music, and I am usually a bar or 2 behind on the hip hop songs, Maybe it is because I just don’t want them to end… I am Prolonging the Inevitable, Eh, No I just suck.  I am one that lacks talent so you will not see me falling  off their stage any time soon.  One surprise – a Lawyer was on there last night, in a white suit, this dude was a bit trippy, he was the “Man Of Light”  he proceeded to make a total mockery of the word talent, But in all honesty I think he lost a bet with his buddies and  he had to come up with something to do, Since his talent was already being taken up by being a lawyer.  I have met very few lawyers that have a creative output like Dancing or singing.  Now that may be a show I would watch, Well at least once.  a Singing (Badly) Court TV show. *Grins*  yes it would suck and get canceled, but we all love a show where people make total fools  of them selves, it is why reality TV is so Prominent  in our society.  Most people you just want to smack and say “Hello, Did you parents teach you NOTHING!”  But once again, some of them Had a first class up bringing (which means nothing really) look at Paris Hilton.  Her Stupid girl routine gave her a few years of us staring at the TV,   The Simple Life, Oh yes, her and Nicole were amusing,, but even Nicole probably looks back and thinks, Uh Dad, I am sorry I was such a “Fuck Up”  and Paris, well she has no clue, she could still buy an island and make herself queen, why bother learning if you don’t have to, and by the way her talent is selling herself, I was going to say commercials, but that was Jessica Simpson, yea after a while all the ditzy blondes run together like paint. 

It is Now 6 AM, I am particularly bored and No my internet is not up yet, maybe I can sleep again, doubt it, but I am willing to make the sacrifice and try for an hour.  My body is not used to sleeping at 10:30, so it will  screw me up, for the day at least.  Hope you had a great weekend and always remember you family is obligated to say how “talented you are”  I tell my son that all the time, He makes up the sweetest songs, Sings them off key and I show him appreciation in hopes one day, he will actually do this with Talent. .Much Love and Luck!

Peace.

Sandals Or Sneakers

 

I have a graduation today, It is on a farm, and today is going to be close to 90, It will be kind of like hell but with cute farm animals (No Meeroos please).  My plan is to wear a new sun dress I have, but then sandals are in order, so if I wear shorts, if I step in shit, Well I just think it would be better with sneakers on, but damn its going to be sooo freakin hot today, and I don’t want to go (stomps foot and throws a small tantrum). 

I dislike functions with lots of people, Makes me want to hide behind a tree, or climb to the top of the barn and just watch from afar.  My son has forced me to be cordial,  he has friends at school and I have had to hit birthday parties with numerous of his friends parents, I usually want to crawl under the cake table, But I force myself to sit there and smile.  As the resident Introvert, I  am great at helping clean up, It takes my mind off taking to people, so I am actually quite a catch at a party.  Need someone to gather the paper (really who wraps any more??) then I am your girl, that is what the Introvert will be doing, because we don’t necessarily have to talk to anyone while doing it, 

Back to the party today, because I don’t have long, Did I mention it is also an hour away, 2 Hours in the car, and at least 1 hour there, My afternoon is shot, I might as well have Saturday and my ass handed to me on a platter.  If it was not family, I would send them a check and call it a day. 

Yesterday I planted flowers, to keep up with the drunk neighbor,  her husband stays home, and they do not have a lot of flowers, but the few that they have look nice,  I tried to have my 6 year old help, he pointed out  digging the holes was not his thing, so I figured he could master the art of covering them after I put them in the hole, well that to was not his Forte ether, Playing with the hose, Now that is a strong suit of his.  To be 6 and not have any worries,  He claimed he is making my breakfast, I have every right to be scared, very scared, His specialty is baby carrot and tomato sandwich (He does not cut up ether mind you, He is not allowed to use knives, he is 6).

As soon as I finish this up it is to the stove to make eggs with the help of my 6 year old (er No Jelly would NOT taste good in these cheesy eggs), then off to the showers and Ill be faced with sandals or sneakers again… it is going to be a long ass day.  Oh and the Drama in SL only got worse, it escalated  and left everyone involved abandoned and hurt.  Now the one who HAD common sense (Key word here is HAD) is now doing bashing on Misc. secondlife websites.  *Shakes head*  I choose to believe that this will all go away, but I have a feeling this is going to be the Internet equivalent of “War of the roses”.  Good Saturday to all of you!

Now sandals or shoes……

Letting go–Poem

Closing my eyes my mind numbs from the cold,

Not from this world, But a Place once made of gold

a place of comfort, happiness and true love,

But now I reside in a place where I slip on coats and gloves,

a garden once planted, Now looks lifeless and in dyer need,

a small wound once insignificant, Now continues to bleed,

a world that was everything I wanted and so much more,

Is now a dilapidated building, paint chipping, and a dirt floor,

the sky was so blue, the puffy clouds radiated life and love

is Now dark and ominous, like a storm hoovers above,

I used to curl up with warmth, a small glint in my eye,

But now the only thing my eyes see, Is the tears that I cry

streaching out my arms, my muscles ache from being still,

a slow crawl across the cold hard floor, I take in my fill

holding the wall, then the sill, the panes covered in a dirt crust

using my finger I make a heart, the glass shatters like dust

It is then I see the outside, the warm air rushes In

the birds in a chirping frenzy, the trees sway in the wind,

The flowers blooming in vibrant colors, a rainbow would be proud

the sky so bright and blue, with slow moving marshmallow like clouds,

One at a time, I draw another heart on each dirty pane,

and each one shatters, with a small whisper of your name

Once they have all been diminished to not much more than a pile

I slip my soul through the opening, and for the first time, I smile

Mixing Of Worlds -Second Life and Real Life Take 1

Testing Testing Is this thing On??

Step away from My Virtual Enviroment and Take a Look at RL for a Moment, and See what you can find - Hoy Shit, I may Like this.

Grab them and Pull them Into My quest, Take them Into a world of fantasy, Love, Hope, and 3D Virtual Enviroment.

Now they are a gamer but more Call of Duty - But as they said Their "Call of Duty" has Nothing on Me ...

SecondLife Is Such a Drama Filled Plethera Of Bull shit sometimes, BUT Why not make it just a Addition to yor RL, I mean Really. That way I can not only Poke you on Facebook, But Next to me to.

Here Is my Plan - Take a REAL Person, One I already Know, one, I can honestly say I could spend my SL with, Toss Us together In the shark infested waters of a Virtual World - See where it goes, Nice thing, I can still Go out in the Real world with you, Kick it at applebys and walk down memory lane. (The lane Spans quite a few years so we have alot to talk about)

I may be vastly Disapointed, I may be pleasantly suprised, Hell I may just move my ass to Ohio, But all in all, It is a experimant, One I have Never done, Taking my real life to secondlfe, was never a thought, till now. I have had a few blunders, yea, I have not always made the best choices, but once again we all fuck up, we all at one time to another take the wrong road, I plan to make this a lesson if nohing else.

We shall see where it goes, may lead me back to the begining, but so far it has been fun, They are over the noob time frame and they can open a box, Thier interest in my scripted bed amused me, But Hey, are all noobs Not into the beds? I made thier avatar the day they started, I forgot one important part.. Yea you can guess what that was, I sent him shopping with a guy friend to "Finish" his avatar. Now that he has gotten all Comfy with the Viewer (It helped that he was a gamer, he Perved My Profile in less than 5 Minutes) We can just hang out and have fun, Meet New Ppl together and, Bottom line, Our Real Lives will always be a part of our second life.

The Pain factor–Breaking Up in SL

Break Ups In Secondlife… It is so common, It should be a warning apon log in.

5 Of my friends have had break ups in Second life in the last 2 months,  Most were on the 3 to 4 month mark (right around the time the shiny wears off and the luster dies).  Now most of these people are not crazy per say, Well at least I did not THINK so.  Some married In real life, some single some just keep that to themselves.

The one common denominator in all these is the emotional Duress,  Holy Shit, it was like a Hurricane of Pissed of, anger coinciding with the Flood of hurt and despair.   Now I totally understand the complications of a break up, going through one recently, But it is how it is handled that concerns the hell out of me.

Now usually a disagreement, or some type of jealousy is the cause, and I am not saying everyone of my friends were betty ford clean here, But what I did notice was the Profile bashing, and dragging their X’s through the mud. 

Case an Point- One of my friends Xs New girlfriend posted a RL picture of her saying this is what happens if your 50 and a drunk, Sad thing is this was 1 month AFTER the break up, You would think after a month things would have calmed down.

another tried to take the Higher road but had something in their profile that may have been considered a bash, and all of a sudden, this X who was so close to them, and Even on their real life face book, threatened to Write their spouse an email. 

Another friend on the front of their Profile had the Xs name and “See Pics” with a total bashing of their X on 3 tabs.

One Owns a Bit of land and plastered the pictures of  her X “cheating” on them all over.   

One had posted stuff all over facebook saying what a Loser that person is/was

Really, I mean really do we have to go to this Level, this is childish at best and only makes things worse.  If I have learned one thing, and only one thing about break ups, It is to let them go. the first week is the worst, but still holding onto these negative feelings a Month or so later is just plain Unhealthy.

My Friend IMd me last night Regarding her X and all the Profile stuff, I said, why do you even Look, all you are doing is hurting yourself.  In their mind, they “Had” to look at the profile, to check to see what they were saying, doing, if they were happy.

*Knocks On Forehead* …. Hello, Anyone home?

My son knows if you touch the stove while its hot, It Hurts, it Burns and may hurt for a while after, Why because he is smart enough to remember when he did touch the stove, His fingers got burned, it lasted a while, soon it healed the pain went away, He knows NEVER touch the stove.

Heed this simple warning – If your already hurt and choose to dig into someone’s profile try to get information out of their friends or spend your every minute trying to find out who and what they are doing, Emotions will get the best of you and only add to the pain your already harboring, and yes it is going to last a while, But in time, it will get better, and FASTER if you let it go and stop this insane behavior of stalking them. 

I am sad to say, One person has quit SL due to one of the break ups – Bottom line is, Life is not fair and nether is second life, Someone reading this may or may not capture a clue and get a few XP points for attempting to not prolong the hurt.

I am by no means a psychiatrist, My 2 classes In Psych in college did not give me a license, but this is common sense, well in my mind it is, Uncommon for many though. My goal in second life is to have fun, to meet new and interesting people and to learn from it. But really I did not come to counsel the broken hearts club, So please, before you start bashing people on your face book, profile, or any other avenue out of hurt, take a walk, a Long walk, think about other times you have been hurt, It all subsides, it all goes away eventually, and in time, you are bound to meet your future X Significant other.  I myself will be your friend, I will let you cry on my shoulder, I will understand your hurt, but I am all for pointing out the fact that your going ape shit over someone who you “say” you do not care about.

 

Peace

X’s and Oh’s!

 

A year pass down the road, time never stands still for but a fleeting moment, and then Bam you are faced and confronted with that person.  Maybe he was the one (at the time of course) or hell maybe it was just a friend you had a falling out with.

Random IM

“What were you taking for pain a long time ago?”

I laughed, because if you have to come to me after all this time to ask me about pain killers, You have really depleted your friends,  the answer of course was Tylenol 3.

Luckily for him I do not hold grudges, and I also have this power to forgive for being a twit,  after that ? was answered it went onto the apology where I actually got one.  I accepted and said moment was over a LONG time ago and well I really did not care,  My friend list is full, Your never going to be on it. ( I have this thing about friends, I like them to be one) and from there chit chat proceeded. 

Regardless of the issue, I think  apology is best served at the right time.  This person waited it out, actually felt bad for the whole year and came back. I give them Kudos for that, for remembering they were a twit.  I cannot say that we will ever be friends again BUT there is no barrier now,  they are free to IM me and I them if I ever wanted to (Highly doubtful) 

I guess case and point would be for any relationship that has been demolished by  a wrong doing.  This was a complete failure on their part to consider the ramifications and consequences of their actions, which I think is somewhat normal for human nature.  You go with that is best for YOU at the time and well, Uh, screw everyone else.

I sincerely wish them the best, I do, Of course that does not mean when I was hurt, I honestly could have cared less. For that I think their timing was perfect. 

Amusing IM from them

“Can I borrow 100L?”

My response

“Um.. No, If you would  have said can I have 100L I would have given it to you just because, but your asking to borrow which would entail me to put some type of trust in you therefore changing the status of our relationship to a different level than I doubt we will ever be on again …. smiles”

So, I have a sense of humor with them and they totally understood why I was not handing out L to them any time soon.

Bottom line, once emotions are at a low, there is a better chance of an apology working and accepted without the emotional crap standing in the way. I am all for forgiveness, It is the question of, are you strong enough to take them back as a friend  after something like that.  I can see them back on my friends list one day, I would never trust them as I did before, but usually  these things happen in a pattern, and If I am not part of that pattern, well, My life just got easier.

Lost In Translation

 

Tell me, Why is it people think partnering is so great in Internet games like secondlife.  I have been partnered 2 times, Only 2 in a total of 4 years.  Yes I succumbed to  the pressure.   Being single now I am  attacked by friends, acquaintances and strangers. For the 10 female to 6 Male ratio, I get my Percentage in quickly. 

Does Not being with someone make me less, Hell No, It makes me More, More of me, more of who I am not not half of another.   I am just plain old, Stupid at times, silly, Sporadic,  quiet, Selfless me.

Case and Point, Sunday my internet went out, I was booted offline by a tornado, I had my phone fully charged,

Offline Message:

T: I Miss you, where are you

Me: Offline, No internet

T: I want to talk about us

Me: What about

T: I want to go further, I really like you I always have

Me: I have known you a Long time, I know you are tired of games, You will find the right person

T: I did, and It is You

at this Point I just stare and shake my head……..

I hit a club with some New friends the other Night, I Teleported in a total of 4 People, all Guys which have snuck back Into my IMs the last month since perving my unattached profile.  We are all friends, that is It, I am good with that, NO I don’t want to Cyber, No I don’t want to partner and for Gods sake, Please stop acting like I am the only one on your friends list.

Since I have been friends with well Most of these people a long time, I have watched them and chatted with them a lot about well, Females… the one above was a hard sell, he did not EVER want to be attached to anyone, against his belief's and he was at first Leary of me until I stated blankly, Hell if you can get em (females) to cyber with ya for nothing go for it, Hit me up when your done.  He knew at that point I was Not getting attached and that I was also not putting up with his BS ether. 

Funny thing, The faster I run from them, The more they come running. I have One friend who I know will Never partner me, I was hanging with him, and another friend when He put on a Prim where his man hood should be,  It was rather large, I said, I know how to make it go down, then Proceeded to type “XXXX Will You partner me?”  He did a LOL and the Prim went away.  I can tell  him anything, I have Known him longer than Most and well, He is my old partner.  He and I are like Oil and water now, We do not mesh well. But for all things considered, We are and always will be friends.  He of all people can call out my BS and know how to do it without hurting our relationship.  He can tell me anything RL or SL and I will give him my honest opinion.

Back to the Partnering thing, I am completely fine being alone, It is just the adjustment time of trying to be everyone's friend all the time, For that reason, I LOVE being partnered.  I can say sorry XXX is on, we are XXX… Leave it at that.  I have no one trying to monopolize my time besides that one person, whom I have choose to spend all my time with.  But in reality, one person all the time can get old, you learn more, and more and eventually it gets dull.  Even diamonds need to be cleaned on occasion, Hence they lose their luster, and I am sure that is where most relationships end. It is to much work to make it all pretty again. 

Even if you care about someone, and give it one hundred there is never a guarantee and you risk losing that person as a friend, I choose to keep friends over stepping into the pool of partnership.  My last Partner, He was a good friend, I will miss him dearly, His personality was fantastic, But through lack of communication, Anger and  resentment, that friendship died a quick death. 

Dating secondlife is like well as I told T above later on in our conversation,

you want a contract to cyber, and exclusive rights to someone but not attach the profiles…

Bottom line, Think before you act, and always remember, the percentages are against you that it will work, Especially when feelings get involved, and when you take a friendship that is rock solid, You actually  take the chance to lose that person forever.  That was my argument before I partnered last time, I was pretty solid on my beliefs, BUT I let him talk me into it, and Here I sit, without 1 person I really cared about. If I like you that is why we are friends, If I choose not to partner with you, It is because I do  care that much, and I would rather Keep what we have rather than Lose it.  I really wish I would have listened to my own advice a LONG time ago

Cancer and Common Courtesy

 

About 45 Days ago I received a call from my sister, My mom, on one of her MANY doctors trips had finally received  test results back, and what we did not want to hear was, Yes, It was  that C word No one wants to use.  I seemed lost, and Needed someone to talk to, My sister and I shed tears, I threw myself online to try to mask the  thoughts, and maybe find something to take my mind off the fact that  this had happened, I Googled the prospects, the Percentages, the Process. 

Now, I not one to cry on peoples shoulders, I am not one to be the downer In the crowd so I kept to myself, I stayed quiet talking to very few People.  I was such a shell,  basically a vessel that held my heart that was breaking, thinking about the outcome, the  Past, the Present  situation and what needed to be done before  an untimely moment came where there was No more time to be taken. 

I Not only had that On the Horizon, But I was having a few Personal relationship Issues at the same time.,  Nothing that could not have been ultimately fixed, But this time, In my mind, I am thinking about My Mom, and how she sees what was happening, Not just me. Almost as an out of body thing watching as it was happening and her voice saying “Are you going to let him talk to you like that, say those things about you?”, “Honey, I Love you, but if you allow this to continue, you do not love yourself” and the Hook “Do you remember what your father was Like”

The correct answer to the last is No, She forgets he left when I was 2, so I am pretty clueless as far as “How he was”  But I did know when I was craving, Yearning and Pleading him for some type of relationship, I received a cold shoulder.  He was in all ways comprehendible a failed Father, the word DAD is reserved for those that were around and at least made an attempt.

So back to Mom, She  has had to  stay away from pretty much everyone Including her grandson since her white blood cell count is so low and even a cold will send her to the hospital.  She gets tired often and need reminders  for a lot of things, But so far we are just waiting for the last test to come back to find out which strain of cancer.  I cannot help but to Look back at all the  decisions I made that she wanted to hit me Upside the head for and others that she was Pleasantly surprised. funny how over the years we are always out to Free ourselves of our parents, but really we are always no matter what ether

A. trying to prove them wrong

B making decisions with their guidance in hopes that it is right even though you really want to do A

My mother  has lived a good Life, Raised 3 good kids, We are all Self supporting, We are all not total twits,  so somewhere she gained wisdom, some that apparently is grown over time.  My time has not come yet but the need for the Knowledge is in my face, front and center. One day I went over without my germ infested son and we talked, about everything, anything that may  mean everything and even a few things that I will Never need.. I explained the situation, tears running down my face, Lost in a hurricane of Hurt, Anger and Pure rage. She  gave me these things to think about for any situation I find myself in.

1 Would My grandpa approve of the circumstances and how it was dealt with 

Now my grandpa was an upstanding man,  He was the royalty of the family and he treated my grandma with kid gloves and never let a day go by that she was not pampered or protected..  She had a secret I found out many years later,  She never graduated from school,  she had been a very sickly child and  was married at a young age\. and through all those years,  Her and my grandpa  were full throttle in love,  When he passed away, part of my grandma did to.  I miss them both a lot

2  Are you trusting your heart, your head or are you a basket case?

Ok, I was a basket case, I had emotions up to the tilt, I was a raging water fall of Hurt, Hatred, Anger, Disrespect and a few other things I cannot even get into.  She knew this, I don’t cry often, I am a hard shell to crack, my son who is my world, when born, hit me like a hurricane.  I did not cry.  I am just that cold when it comes to feeling things,  Movies, Eh I am not going to cry.  I have built up this  rough exterior, over years of hurt, pain and lies.  When I can add another brick, I do, when I take away a Brick, the inside of me shutters a bit.   BUT she reminded me, that looking at it with logic and a true heart is the only way to make decisions, for yourself, and I love logic, it is so simple  The bad thing is 1+1 does not always equal 2, there is a hidden equation in everything, a few calculus problems and geometry.  This time I was fucked, I did not take calculus, why could it not have been accounting.

3 Treat everyone as you want to be treated

Yea this is the old standby one ALL parents share – but she went a bit deeper, she said “Treat everyone BETTER than you want to be treated, because they  will always remember you with a fond heart”   I go by rule of thumb on this one, I  try to be kind to everyone, I am not a saint, but I have been known to do charity at times.  I Love making people laugh, But it is usually people I know, since I am a pretty quiet person to begin with.  I am in a complete definition an Introverted extrovert,  if you don’t talk to me, chances are we will never meet, and yes this limits my friends list down, I lose many opportunities due to this defect in my personality, but that is my issue not theirs and I'm not changing anytime soon.

now to make this clear, I told my mom what was going on with me and my boyfriend,  she is a retired school teacher,  taught Science, math and Home Economics.  My sperm donor left when I was 2 (an engineer for the Big 3) He was Mentally Physically, and Emotionally abusive to everyone in the house, I was pretty blessed when he left.  I remind my mother that if he was still around as I grew up, One of us would have been in Jail or the graveyard,  I had gotten his ability to man up and not be scared (My exterior) with her laid back Pool of emotions (what I hide Inside)  My father is defiantly my Alpha, but I use my feelings to make judgment's on logic,  does that even make sense?

First I analyze the data, this comes from  historical evidence (past and present) common denominators (Patterns, changes in patterns) Actions (Or lack there of actions) and then finally what is actually occurring, the obvious Issue. If you take all of it into consideration, and only use logic to see what the bottom line is, You have a solid base to start from. Once I have that base, I let  my beta side  squeeze in. those damn feelings,  from here it is Who is going to get hurt,  Was it an action that  I or they did intentionally,  who needs to fix this, and finally what is best for me. Now the funny thing here is the person closest to me, My boyfriend, Has no clue I am dealing with my mom and cancer, Usually he knows me enough to ask what is wrong, But he has not even been talking to me, so for me, Logic states your alone, Get even quieter, close up all feelings, Feelings are screaming, We want out,  we need help, but Shush you little beta,  Alpha kicks betas ass. 

The last thing my mom told me, before I left her that day was “Connie, You are a good person, You give 1 hundred percent to everything you do, to everyone you know and you expect nothing back.  When are you going to believe you deserve just as much back as you give” She of all people knows me better than anyone else – She raised me on her own, Played father and mother.  a recovering alcoholic, who has raised me and also my 2 siblings who are close to 20 years my senior.  She was a full time teacher, and tried her best to never say a bad word about my sperm donor, Who really did not need any words, actions speak louder than them any day. 

So, the final outcome of this, I am happy to say, Logically I made the right choice, My boyfriend who had pretty much deserted me in the end, then compiled it by calling me names and posting numerous page essays on his Facebook page as to why I was such a horrible person, Is without me now, I would say alone, But I highly doubt that,  Logically there was no words to change his mind as to his actions, so I had to step away.  His last post basically stated if I do not concede to his beliefs on this subject, to stay the fuck away from him and he did not want me in his life, and I did, I have stayed away from him, No name calling, No FB Posting, no calling him out, No Interference with his apparently perfect life without me.  .  He had broke through my wall, and knew I am run on feelings with him, and that it is hard for me to let go.  I am not saying it was easy, It wasn’t but it was the only way I could get away from the negativity. As laid back  as he was, he has to have perfection, and there for I was always under scrutiny.  If I was a bit emotional, it was out of me being needy or Leachy.  If I said anything about him doing anything that may have hurt me, I was the one being unreasonable.  and on the other hand if I did not say I Love you enough, I was cold, But Umm, I learned from him how to be that way, maybe not him, but from this guy who like him, was a very important role model, one I should have called Dad.  I can see now if we would have stayed together, with my emotional attachment, it would have been a total failure, nether of us was willing to change, and I for one am not going to walk into an abusive relationship knowing full well the outcome. it starts with tempers and escalates into actions.  Let me also say, He is not a total asshole, he has his good qualities, he can be very amusing and charming,  He is smart about many things, But his Drive to succeed is not on the top of his list ether.   I will miss him, us, We did have a lot of good times, but, My alpha and his Beta do not match well.  and logically  that is okay

My mom, well she is comfortable, and we are still waiting on the results on what treatment she is going to have to get,  I have high hopes for a full remission, and the doctors do to. . As it is right now, we are looking at approximately 80% success rate if the tests come back the way we hope them to  My son misses his “Memaw” and wants her better so we can have her over “for a week” he says to make up for lost time. She is proud of me,  she knows I got the strengths of both my father and her, and I can at times Let feelings cloud my judgment.  Like her, I will become a victim if I were to let this happen, The key to not becoming a victim is leaving before you become one.  So if there is anything you need to know about me it is this, I don’t back down after a certain point and if you cannot accept defeat on occasion, let me go.   I feel for his friends and family who read his ranting's on facebook, and I am sure they were not shocked that the relationship status changed so soon after.

My Upside in this whole Fiasco, is Understanding, I am not hurt anymore, I am not bitter, actually I would go back and  try to save the friendship, But I know how he feels about X’s.  I miss his logic, which usually  made perfect sense, till the very end.  His lack of common courtesy killed the logic. I wish us both the very best, and I hope one day he knows how hard it was for me to walk away, I stayed quiet,  Very Unlike me, Funny thing is I did not even have a last word.  He was one of few who broke through and made me feel,  Feel things I don’t allow normally.  I locked back up that vault, and have started Over, Working at a new job, spending time with my son , who just brought me a Jelly sandwich and an orange, Because He Loves me and I always make him food.  I am blessed in so many ways, and I am going to go enjoy my Jelly sandwich now, because it has my favorite ingredient in it,  It was made with “Love”.

This Blog has taken a turn It is no longer Just Second life stuff, My poetry and RL are also important to me,  When I have Second life stuff, Ill add a SL tag to it.  Much hugs and Love to all, and those going through the process of a loved one dealing with cancer, You are in my prayers.

Best Of Life

 

You jumped into this so quick, You  even made me start to believe,

In love at first sight and that I would never want to leave,

I was enamored with your sweetness, in awe of your mind,

But your intolerance for emotions were logical in your mind,

I have been an open book,  telling you what I feel,

I made a commitment states away, We were Officially  real,

I am far from perfect, I have never made that claim

But You, Well you’re the Internet guru, Mr.In world Fame,

I have summed myself up as Trophy wife in a virtual sense,

a Pretty face, a avatar, with a knack for common sense,

I was perfect when you wanted me there, But easy to set aside,

I was No more to you than a new video game or an amusement Ride,

Once the thrill is over, easy to discard

But for the Healer, It is a Bit more hard

I hope that you enjoyed the time we had together,

It was definitely a lesson, I will always treasure

I will only grow stronger, from your harsh words

and the lies you told after are totally absurd,

I now have no one to criticize me, and tell me my imperfections

I have no one to  make me feel less, and used to rejections,

I opened my self up to you, more than anyone before,

And You, oh you opened up to, But did not feel it anymore,

You forgot common courtesy, that was out of your arrogant ways,

You could talk for hours and never mention important things to say

In your mind I am a Needy Person, that is far from the truth

But I refuse to dig information from you and become a sleuth,

Your self loathing and your intellect is what keeps you alone,

You need to learn to share, and when wrong learn to own,

I can say you did, You had me heart and soul complete,

But your arrogance and personal attacks, Well that is hard to beat,

I wish you the best of luck, I wish you a wonderful Life,

Now please excuse me, My back hurts, Oh Forget it, Its just your Knife,,,,

Emptiness within

 

I am just a shell of myself, Please just give me time,

Emotionally a bit empty, By these ties that bind,

Physically just so tired, So forgive if I tend to sleep,

But do not Feel sorrow, Nor for me weep,

Mentally I am just worn,an Maybe a bit tattered,

But that to soon shall pass, It does after a heart is shattered

I am still courageous, strong, willful, and I soon to be complete

I may be an introverted mess of emotion, But I will land on my feet,

It happens when you take that chance, and give your heart away,

Sometimes it just shatters and we are left with nothing to say.

We may get hurt from actions, words or from repetition

But we must stand strong, Live our life, as if there is no condition

I may have a few issues, But I have no conceit to share

my feelings are on the level it is the one thing I can share

One day I will be me again, just give me time to heal,

I know it may be a long shot, But I know that Love is real

It is the chance we take every time, we step back in the game

We are waiting for the downfall, Looking to point the blame

But the blame is not always where we stand or where we stood before,

sometimes we are just different,  and cannot play the game anymore

Sometimes we need reassurance, a smile or a gentle hand,

and when we get the opposite,  we have to take a stand,

Sometimes even when you love someone, you have to let them go.

Sometimes it is the only way, The only way you know

After your told to leave under certain terms

You mind comes to an acceptance, even though your heart yearns

I may be a shell, an empty vessel of life,

But I for one know Love will overcome strife

So for those who have had, a broken heart or two,

Stay strong, stay positive, For  to your heart be true

Love Just Ain’t Enough

This song keeps running through My Mind, Non stop
almost like I could have wrote it myself

 

Sweet History

 

I know you would not believe, How sad I am today,

I never wanted this to end, especially this way,

I never wanted to hurt you, But I know that you are

But Your rants and Public raves, Went a bit to far,

I would have never called you names nor put it on my wall,

The second essay you wrote about me, really said it all,

Once again I was to blame, as it has been since we met

You cannot take any blame, You are Perfect No regrets,

You claim I am a bad person, I share My feelings and My pain

I am needy and whiney, and I have only my self to blame

Yes, If I love you, I share these things, Only because I care

and Yes, I missed you, Shit, I did Want you there

I was left in the dark, But it is My fault again

For Not digging and asking You why, It is a No win

All I wanted was an apology, For the way you treated me

But you were not willing to give me that, and Nor can You see

You have to take  blame on yourself, For not Just telling me so,

You would rather rip me into pieces, and Make Me into a circus side show

It may have been one thing if you would have acted a bit better,

Maybe Not written all the crap on your wall, and tossed it into a letter,

Maybe you could have talked to me and Not made me feel bad,

maybe you could have offered a hug, and realized I was sad,

I Know You did not think I was strong enough, To walk away,

that I would just sit there and listen to all you had to say,

I am at my breaking point, and regardless of whether Your still there

My Heart is broken in two, But It hurts because I still care

My life is Upside down, But I don’t want You back,

I am tired of feeling Small and reminded of things that I lack

I am tired Or being put in a corner, and told to like it or leave

I know you enough to know you to wear your heart on your sleeve

So goodbye my sweet history, And So Long dreams of good fair

I will miss You more than I can say, But You acted like you just don’t care

Disaster Relief–The citizens of Second Life Come together as one

 

Early on Saturday, I knew I was DJing later,  I Decided what I made in tips I would donate to the Red Cross Via the Linden Lab Red Cross Bears so I promptly Posted a event – According to TOS only 1…. Unlike some people in Loon or Vice Beach (Sighs – a Whole different Blog).  I logged in and knew Fashion for Life had started so I jumped to that sim in hopes, well to spend a few L, Don’t we all.  I did, My purchases Included Boots from L&B and a beautiful antique wedding dress just for shits n grins and I actually ran across a store I had been to a long time ago with a dress I had purchased, I loved that dress and it had gotten buried in my amazing maze of an Inventory.

I was 20 minutes early to DJ, tossed out my contest board and donated 200L with just Thank you for coming on it, No contest – Just join and maybe u will get it.  Then Trivia ball and donated my own L again to keep people busy and finally my tip jar.  Stream was not so easy, I forgot to pay and Yes, Shooting off to the place it was to late, Great time to up my Users since I was forced to get a new stream regardless. Encoding my stream should have been simple, But I had not had to do so in a year – Needless to say I was a Few minutes late starting till I could verify it was working properly. 

The Pixel Bean – It is usually hopping there, a lot of people come and all are very friendly and they LOVE trivia, Regardless I did not have high expectations for the evening I was going to be happy with whatever I got and send out the teddy bears to the people that came as the tips came in.  This was feasible as 100L poured in here and there, 300L bears were bought and sent to those that were in the crowd.  Aeonix Aeon showed up later and mentioned (you have a great  crowd tonight) I mentioned what I was doing to him, as I was saying on mic also and he started to kicking it up a notch.

Me and Aeonix @ the Pixel Bean

The Sounds Of Er….. Yea

I was at 2K when someone… Names will remain As Letters (Ha ha Love Ya S) mentioned I had a great Phone sex voice, I of course missed this till I saw the thread of other’s agreeing, I looked and cracked up and said I was the great pretender after a few people begged me to moan on mic.  I jokingly said on if we get to 5K Ill Moan for you guys, well this took all of 5 minutes, I was shocked to say the least…..I was actually moaning on mic and they Kept tipping another 2K. Out of my Vodka filled thoughts, 10K sounded great,  and they wanted more. I offered up the Big “O” for charity at 10K.  Keep in mind, I have my Partner in IM saying “Go for it, It’s for charity”.  10K never came so quickly (No Pun intended). At this Point the trivia ball was second hand to those trying to dig up donations to add to my tip board, One person (Smirks) Was tipping between 1 and 20 L at a time every 30 or so Seconds so I would say their name on Mic. knowing I would do so every time I was tipped. 10K was  quickly turned into 16K.

More Sounds of ……

From there a 14K Donation hit my board, I had to double check as I was about to say 1400… I of course thanked then in the only way I could worth their while since they had started this whole Fiasco of my “Fantastic” Sex voice, They IM’d me and Thanked me profusely, not just for the R-Rated Thank you but for Donating my time and own Linden to help out such a good cause. At the end of the evening, I was on Hour 3 of DJing and it was getting  pretty late,  I wrapped Up the evening trying to send out a few more 3K teddy bears (the 300 L ones no longer applied with 22K more to spend) and today again, I will Pilfer thru looking for failed deliveries and resend out as I want to make sure that every Linden goes to the red cross. In the end I had $120 Dollars to give to the Red Cross, Much more than I could have ever done on my own being recently laid off.

The End Result

I feel blessed to have the talent I do to DJ, I am by far means NOT the best, But I have fun which makes it easy for others to share in that fun.  I had only hopes to donate maybe 10 or 20 dollars. I was amazed at the donations that were being tossed at me, and I WILL be sending bears out till every Linden has been accounted for.  I want to say THANK YOU to Pixel Bean Coffee House for giving me the chance to make a difference and also a Huge THANK YOU to those that attended and made that difference Possible.  The Pixel Bean has been my Saturday night for a while now and I love everyone that I have met, the crowd there is always fun and full of laughter, and apparently Linden when I moan on microphone. I looked at the red Cross website and Found this.

How the Red Cross May Use Your Donation to Help Disaster Victims

$25 provides five blankets at an emergency shelter

$75 can cover a doctor's visit for an individual injured in a disaster

So In all We Provided 1 Doctors Visit and Approximately 10 Blankets to Victims, and I always say, If you can make a difference in just one persons life, You have accomplished much more than just donating.

If you Ever get the chance,  Stop by any day, they will most certainly welcome you at the Pixel Bean Coffee House I am honored to be there and everyone there should be proud to belong to such a wonderful and generous group of people from all over the world. Hugs! This is the Moaning DJ Signing  out, 3,2,1 and Stream has been Changed. [Insert another song here]

Cover of a Whole New World

If you have never heard him sing, and EVER have the chance to In Secondlife Christion Dinzeo is the best... Melts Me